“Funny, intelligent, generous. A truly genuine person. I'm glad to know him (in real life too!). You would be privileged to spend any time with him if you can pry him from his work.”

“you got my ass, and for that, i am grateful.”

“you're ten katrillion times better in person, and you know it. best. vacation. ever.”

“This guy has got a sweet, sweet can.
I would know, I grabbed it.”

“ok, so, i was talking to one of my many lovers on the telephone, just now... like, just just now and all of a sudden the glass in my bedroom window just fuckin shatters and a huge man in black and a ski mask comes flying through it and he has a samurai sword and in one swoopin motion he comes towards me and puts the blade up to my throat

meanwhile, across town, S_Eldorado is having a quiet night in after yet another long, stressful workday. he's sipping some crown, and taking in a rerun of friends when all of a sudden he gets this strange tingling sensation down his spine... something is wrong - he knows it. he starts calling people. why can't he figure out what is wrong, he's feeling slightly panicked, knowing someone is in trouble. He dials my number

my phone rings, but i can't answer it, of course. the scary big man has already cut off two of my fingers, he is torturing, me, giving me a slow painful death, because he is just a sick fuck like that i guess

little do i know...

...S_Eldorado knows right away when i don't answer that i am in trouble, and he's already on his way tearing up the blacktop on his motorcycle, a full artillery strapped to his back, and his usual entourage of four or five suicidegirls riding with him (yes, they're so small they all fit on the back of the bike, OK?)

sick fuck has just finished knocking out my teeth and is ready to cut out my tongue when S_Eldorado and his suicidegirl crime-fighting entourage kick down the door the action that took place in my room for the next five minutes was about a billion times more spectacular than anything you have ever seen in any kung-fu movie (swear to god) it was all over when S_Eldorado got hold of sick fuck's sword and slashed off his mothafuckin head

ok this is so not fair, i was really trying, and then i got a phone call and someone started talking to me on MSN

i just think your cool, that's all”