Hola, SG! I've had an interesting few days. Thursday, I came home to a weird ass peace offering from my nutjob ex roommate. She has threatened almost all of her family and friends, except for me. So she bounces from Austin, to LA, to Austin to Dallas. She shows up at her ex's place and causes drama there. She came to my place and left a bag on my door containing a Capri Sun, a few Jolly Rancher candies, an opened Bud Light Lime tallboy and a scrap of paper with nothing written on it. Quite frankly the note was the weirdest part. I was expecting it to have some kind of apology and/or death threat written in lipstick. And to answer your inevitable questions, No it wasn't written in invisible ink and no, she doesn't want me. Seriously, everyone that I've told about this has thrown out those exact two suggestions. Is invisible ink really that readily available? The fuck?

Friday night I had a going away party for a co-worker. This was her "office" party for all her co-workers to bid adieu. In there I found three very attractive and very horny divorcees in their 30-s to 40's. In other words, my type of women.

But alas, all were co-workers in my department which meant they were off limits.

So i bailed early. Also i was invited to the "friends" party the next day so i wasn't going to miss much. My friend Tarryn went to the next party where i ran into one of my three potential targets from the night before. We hung out and she got pretty drunk and started flirting with me. Now she's not in my direct chain of command, but she's pretty close, so again, off limits. As we were all hanging out, i learned that she smokes A LOT OF WEED. Which blew me away because she's very straight laced, and square and unhip. So at one point in the night, my co-worker who's moving away, my drunk and horny co-worker and my non-coworker friend all go out to the parking lot to smoke a joint. i had to stay behind because I was driving home. When they get back, moving away co-worker and non coworker friend both start telling me to go after the other. Apparently she said something during the smoke out to the effect that she would be open to such a thing. Non-coworker said she would take a cab so i could take the other one back to her place and bang her senseless.

Didn't bang her. I just dropped her off at her place and that was it. I didn't do it for a couple reasons. First off, I'm not the kind of guy who takes advantage of a drunk woman. Secondly, there are two rules i abide by when looking at a prospective fornication friend. 1, you don't stick your dick in crazy. and 2, don't stick it in a coworker either. I've banged a co-worker before and nothing good ever comes of it. Rumor mills in office environments are terrible. What makes it worse is that I'm a drone and she's management. If I do or say anything, it's no longer because of who I am or what I've done, it's because who i've banged. I swear this is one of those time's where i regret that i have common sense and foresight.