I break the kiss and tell her I can't go through with this.

She asks me why and I tell her as vaguely as I can. She's a tourist in my life and she doesn't deserve the details.

She tells me she hopes the girl I'm letting her go for is worth it.

I want to tell her that she doesn't even begin to compare to the girl I have hurt. I want to tell her that she would never have gotten so much as a second glance but that I was craving recklessness and stupidity for the first time in a long time.

But I don't tell her. I send her away with an empty promise and I turn to face the damage I've caused.

She has reminded me why I do not make my choices lightly; I have too much to lose now. The gambles and losses are not as easily shrugged off as they once were.

I'm sorry.