Well, I have finally come to the realization that my marriage is finally over, for real. I have been separated from my wife for almost two years and I have been living under the delusion that eventually we would get back together and I thought she wanted that, too. I guess I was wrong. She told me earlier this week that she didn't love me like a husband anymore. I didn't realize how hard those words would hit me. I have felt like I have had this empty space inside of me ever since then, I mean it is a real physical and emotional feeling. I've never felt like this before. I actually believed that it would be easy to move on and I really didn't realize how much I loved her. I really fucked up this time and there isn't anything I can do about it. This sucks. I hated dating, it was too much pressure. I think i'm just going to become a monk, might as well, i've been celibate for the last almost two years.

Fuck it