RissaBella's January 22, 2012 blog about nothing

RissaBella my personality may be abrasive but im true to myself :)

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Sunday blog about nothing

JANUARY 22, 2012 @ 05:27 PM

ever have one of those days where nothing goes right and you wish that some higher power will smite you where you stand so you no longer have to deal with it all? I am at that point, I was supposed to hear back for that job by fri by email or phone and i didnt, i asked for certain cables cuz im moving my room around bf claims it was never sent i go into my phone and oh look there it is. set was supposed to go up today so i count down the time 5 comes around its not up, i look its been post poned. i am gaining wieght losing money and i really just want to cry for days and my bf doesnt understand it because it all comes down to i cant handle the little things. big things are no problem to me, but with my bipolar the little things put me at such an edge i just want to explode and kill tihngs, hit things, and even sometimes just die. I feel so at the end of my rope that i will just die of stress and insanity. if i dont get out of my mothers house or get a storage unit, or even my own car soon I really think i will just give up. my brain literally feels like it is about to implode and no one understands me. i dont even undetstand myself or how to make it better.

NiteTalker

Budd Lake, NJ

April 2009

JAN 22, 2012 07:24 PM

I know it's hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel when you're steaming down the track but you have to have some faith that's it's there. I never pretend to imagine what another is going thru but can only offer that others have travelled a similar path.

I couldn't seem to figure out how I was going to keep myself going when my car got reposesed, I had to move back in with my mother (confined to the living room couch) and had to declare bankruptcy. Spent a good couple of nights getting wasted at strip clubs before something just popped in my head that no one was going to pick me up but me. And no one was keeping me down but me. I needed to change the way I was looking things.

I may not have the best life out there and I've got a long way to go but I've learned to play with what cards I'm dealt for now while I find a way to change the deck.

Have you considered target practice? Worked wonders for me. Just a thought.