Well, back to my little corner of the internet. Hope everyone is well.

Listen to my band's new record, and buy it for cheap if you like it.

The adjustment to the single life has been a lot easier than I thought it would be. I keep finding reasons why I was better off without her in the first place. Not that she's a bad person, but not the person for me.
The whole loneliness thing is there, but I've been trying to keep myself busy so I don't end up getting myself down.

It's my birthday next week too. The big 30. But I still feel young as fuck, and I'm kind of excited to be starting my 3rd decade on this earth.

Right now I'm just trying to focus on the good stuff. Been listening to The Wonder years a lot, which is the best PMA punk rock statement to come out in the past 5 years, imo.

song of the day, kids:



Keeps it real,
Rictor

She lied.





Fucking bitch.

Breaking up is even harder when you have the same friends. Some draw battle lines, which shouldn't be necessary. Why can't everyone just leave it be? Some shit went down and it's none of your damn business. I told people because it's what I felt, not because it's a battle I need fought for me. I'm all for expression, but I still give a shit about her and she's crying to me on the phone because she lost someone's respect. I just really hope this doesn't backfire into some bullshit.

So...

Don't mean to be a Negative Nancy, but my GF broke up with me, so I can't help it. She went to Argentina (where she was born) for a family wedding. She called me in the middle of M-66 practice to let me know she was home, and I was psyched. I went back to practice, then she called again. She told me she needs to "get her life together" and do it alone. I finished M-66 practice with some real anger. It helped me to let that out.

I'm a little scared that she won't want me back when she does "get her shit together."

I just hope it's all for the best.

Song of the day,
"Stay up" by TAT




I really need someone like in that song right now...

Reasons she will last:
we like the same bands
She likes to do nothing with me
She has passion for her chosen expression
BEST SHOW BUDDY EVER!
She supports my chosen expression
the sex is AWESOME!
We communicate musically


Reasons she won't last:
She constantly separates everything by gender instead of by individual
She knows I hate driving but still makes me do most of it
She lets her family's chosen religion dictate her future
She takes everything too personally for me to call her out on anything
She leads me to believe that my chosen form of expression is not enough and that I need to "grow up and get a real job" eventually
She makes me feel like she only wants me to have a job that makes a lot of money without thinking of my personal happiness
Her favorite trip is a guilt trip...until she gets what she wants out of me.
She led me to believe that she was independent, but always seems to prove me wrong

Am I being bitter or honest? I love this girl, but sometimes I get stressed and wig out about her needs. The fucking guilt trips make me feel like If I don't give her what she wants, I'm a piece of shit. Does she realize that I DON'T do that to her? Am I being taken advantage of, or is this just how she is?

I just feel that I can't talk to her about shit like this sometimes because she's going to take it the wrong way and cry and be upset. Then there's NO HOPE for communication.

"I'm looking for baggage that goes with mine..."
-Mimi from RENT

I don't fucking get it. Why don't women just express them selves right at the moment something happens? Why all the mystery and min-reading. Mind reading shouldn't be necessary with open communication. Life's not a fucking romantic comedy, I'm not Hugh Grant or whatever. I feel like she doesn't want me, she wants herself. She wants something I'm not. She wants to turn me into something I'm not. I resent that a lot. I just want a little coexistence and companionship, I don't want to have to apologize for being myself anymore.

For those of you who have never been though it, being in a band is like a relationship, but with a LOT more people's feelings to take into account. And drunkedness doesn't help.

O.P.S. was her name, and we had some good times. But her bass player got a little too much for me to handle, so we split. We stayed great friends. I've even filled in some shows when she was short a guitar player. They found a stable guitar player soon enough, and the other guitarist left. They found another one. The guitarists had to learn some difficult parts left behind by their predecessors, and tonight was their first big show. One of the guitarists, botched up a part after kind of being forced to learn it because the new guy wasn't that good a player. He fucked up, who cares, right? It's a punk show. Well someone did care, it was the bass player/mouthpiece of the band. After the show, I saw the bass player, my friend, berate the guitarist, also my friend. It really bummed me out. I spoke with the guitarist, telling him to avoid a situation that would bring him grief, becase apparently this has been happening for a while. Sucks. The guitarist is also my drummer in M-66, and I don't want to EVER see him as bummed out as he looked after that dumb-ass argument he had with the bass player. It really fucked me up and also reminded me of why I left that band. I just don't want to have another person go through that, because by far, that was the WORST break-up I ever had; worse than any relationship I've had. Period.

I don't want to be a homewrecker so to speak, but I don't want my friend to be surrounded by bullshit like that either. input? comments? I'd appreciate it.

so here's the deal. It's mine & my Girldfriend's 1 year anniversary on the 22nd, and I need some ideas as to what I can do being broke, carless, and romantic. Any ideas, stories of things you may have done, or other words of wisdom are welcome. Gratzi.

-Rictor

I watched (500) days of Summer with my Chica...finally. A great flick about what goes through a guy's head in a relationship, especially a guy with an affinity for Cardigan sweaters, like myself. We both agreed that the Character Summer (played by Zooey Deschanel) was a bitch.

I also got to jam with my girlfriend, she plays bass, I play guitar...it was sweet. We jammed out a couple random song Ideas we both had, Ironically enough, they used the same chords, different progression...go figure.

Now, go listen to Elvis Costello & The Attractions' seminal release "Armed Forces." Trust me, It's worth it.

Keeps it real,
-Rictor

Sing along time, kids:



Gorilla Biscuits Start Today

Yesterday you were on my back just to get my time.
I guess it's not as precious as it seems.
Because I found the time for hangin out and talkin on the phone.
What should i expect, now that my time is free and you're nowhere to be found.
Next time i'll try, for the first time in my life.
It won't pass me by.
Procrastinate it can wait, i put it off. let's start today my room's a mess and i can't get dressed.
I gotta be out by eight o'clock.
Deep inside i know the answer.
Well there's no time like the present and i'd like to hang out but who doesn't.
I've made enough mistakes for this lifetime.
Now i'm here to make amends.
Next time i'll try, for the first time in my life.
It won't pass me by.
Procrastinate it can wait, i put it off. start! stop!


Let this be the theme song to your 2010. No time to be lazy, we've all got to make our mark somehow.