HOLY SHIT! I'm a DADDY.
My Wife and I welcomed our Daughter (Dylan Riley) into our family last Thursday, May 22, 2008 at 4:03 p.m. She is 7 lbs 3 oz and 20.5 inches. She is the most amazing thing I have ever experienced (cliche be damned).
My life has changed forever and it is incredible. We are rapidly adjusting and learning how to be parents. Fortunately for us, she's a pretty patient teacher (except at 2:40 a.m., 3:20 a.m., 4:00 a.m., and 5:30 a.m.- apparently patience run low at those hours). I'm very tired.
My Wife and I welcomed our Daughter (Dylan Riley) into our family last Thursday, May 22, 2008 at 4:03 p.m. She is 7 lbs 3 oz and 20.5 inches. She is the most amazing thing I have ever experienced (cliche be damned).
My life has changed forever and it is incredible. We are rapidly adjusting and learning how to be parents. Fortunately for us, she's a pretty patient teacher (except at 2:40 a.m., 3:20 a.m., 4:00 a.m., and 5:30 a.m.- apparently patience run low at those hours). I'm very tired.
My personal favorites are #'s 6, 7, 8, and 16.
Some ways of dealing with the burdens of life:
1 * Accept that some days you're the pigeon, and some days you're the
statue
2 * Always keep your words soft and sweet, just in case you have to eat
them.
3 * Always read stuff that will make you look good if you die in the
middle of it.
4 * Drive carefully. It's not only cars that can be recalled by their
Maker.
5 If you can't be kind, at least have the decency to be vague.
6 * If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was
probably worth it.
7 * It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a
warning to others
8 * Never buy a car you can't push.
9 * Never put both feet in your mouth
at the same time, because then you won't have a leg to stand on.
10 * Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance.
11 * Since it's the early worm that gets eaten by the bird, sleep late.
12 * The second mouse gets the cheese.
13 * When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
14 * Birthdays are good for you. The more you have, the longer you
live.
15 * You may be only one person in the world, but you may also be the
world to one person.
16 * Some mistakes are too much fun to only make once.
17 * We could learn a lot from crayons. Some are sharp, some are pretty
and some are dull. Some have weird names and all are different colors,
but they all have to live in the same box.
18 * A truly happy person is one who can enjoy the scenery on a detour.
Some ways of dealing with the burdens of life:
1 * Accept that some days you're the pigeon, and some days you're the
statue
2 * Always keep your words soft and sweet, just in case you have to eat
them.
3 * Always read stuff that will make you look good if you die in the
middle of it.
4 * Drive carefully. It's not only cars that can be recalled by their
Maker.
5 If you can't be kind, at least have the decency to be vague.
6 * If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was
probably worth it.
7 * It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a
warning to others
8 * Never buy a car you can't push.
9 * Never put both feet in your mouth
at the same time, because then you won't have a leg to stand on.
10 * Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance.
11 * Since it's the early worm that gets eaten by the bird, sleep late.
12 * The second mouse gets the cheese.
13 * When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
14 * Birthdays are good for you. The more you have, the longer you
live.
15 * You may be only one person in the world, but you may also be the
world to one person.
16 * Some mistakes are too much fun to only make once.
17 * We could learn a lot from crayons. Some are sharp, some are pretty
and some are dull. Some have weird names and all are different colors,
but they all have to live in the same box.
18 * A truly happy person is one who can enjoy the scenery on a detour.
It's Friday. It's 80 degrees outside and I'm sitting in my office pretending to work. Fuck it. I'm getting on my bike and going...somewhere...anywhere.
Setting some rumors straight. Or making some up.
Here we go...Rumors of Ricky Hell: The end all, be all settlement of long stood misunderstandings
· Rumor: In celebration of Easter, Chuck Norris & Ricky Hell once toasted shots of cobra's blood garnished with venom sacks. The two then faced off, "mano a mano" in a heated exchange of curse words and then segued into a salsa-dancing duel.
NOT TRUE: Luckily for Chuck Norris, he has never met Ricky Hell.
· Rumor: On a hot monsoon night in 2000, on a fully drunken dare, Ricky Hell raided a wild Quail's nest and swallowed several eggs whole (like pills). Regardless of the utter disgust and obvious discomfort in his face, he still managed to talk several of the "darers" into trying it for themselves.
TRUE: While his bowels took nearly two full years to forgive this incident, Ricky Hell is one shrewd and cunning son of a bitch. He'll talk you into anything.
· Rumor: In a twist of luck (and what would later be described as a psychotic bout caused by a failure to ingest a prescribed daily dose of lithium), Ricky Hell threatened to shoot and/or maim his roommate, Sean Bailey. After a brief tussle, Sean locked himself in a room armed with a framing hammer. A short while later, believing his assailant had fled, Sean exited the room to find his crazed roommate dripping in blood and perched on the kitchen counter. Etched in blood on the counter top were the words, "You're lucky Zucky".
FALSE: Though most details of this story are based on true events, Ricky Hell was the roommate who moved in after this incident. He has never been prescribed lithium, nor any other psychotropic drug. The previous roommate, "Roachie" was actually the would be murderer. Sean Bailey and Ricky Hell remain the best of friends today. Roachie, it is rumored, is unfortunately no longer with us.
· Rumor: Ricky Hell once pounded the ever-loving shit out of a 5th grade classmate for a snide remark the kid made about his "MC Hammer" parachute pants and the freshly buzzed lightening bolts on the side of his head.
TRUE: No explanation needed. Anyone else would have done the same thing.
Here we go...Rumors of Ricky Hell: The end all, be all settlement of long stood misunderstandings
· Rumor: In celebration of Easter, Chuck Norris & Ricky Hell once toasted shots of cobra's blood garnished with venom sacks. The two then faced off, "mano a mano" in a heated exchange of curse words and then segued into a salsa-dancing duel.
NOT TRUE: Luckily for Chuck Norris, he has never met Ricky Hell.
· Rumor: On a hot monsoon night in 2000, on a fully drunken dare, Ricky Hell raided a wild Quail's nest and swallowed several eggs whole (like pills). Regardless of the utter disgust and obvious discomfort in his face, he still managed to talk several of the "darers" into trying it for themselves.
TRUE: While his bowels took nearly two full years to forgive this incident, Ricky Hell is one shrewd and cunning son of a bitch. He'll talk you into anything.
· Rumor: In a twist of luck (and what would later be described as a psychotic bout caused by a failure to ingest a prescribed daily dose of lithium), Ricky Hell threatened to shoot and/or maim his roommate, Sean Bailey. After a brief tussle, Sean locked himself in a room armed with a framing hammer. A short while later, believing his assailant had fled, Sean exited the room to find his crazed roommate dripping in blood and perched on the kitchen counter. Etched in blood on the counter top were the words, "You're lucky Zucky".
FALSE: Though most details of this story are based on true events, Ricky Hell was the roommate who moved in after this incident. He has never been prescribed lithium, nor any other psychotropic drug. The previous roommate, "Roachie" was actually the would be murderer. Sean Bailey and Ricky Hell remain the best of friends today. Roachie, it is rumored, is unfortunately no longer with us.
· Rumor: Ricky Hell once pounded the ever-loving shit out of a 5th grade classmate for a snide remark the kid made about his "MC Hammer" parachute pants and the freshly buzzed lightening bolts on the side of his head.
TRUE: No explanation needed. Anyone else would have done the same thing.
Head
A man is waiting for his wife to give birth. The doctor comes in and informs the dad that his son was born without a torso, arms or legs. The son is just a head! But the dad loves his son and raises him as well as he can, with love and compassion.
After 21 years, the son is now old enough for his first drink. Dad takes him to the bar, tearfully tells the son he is proud of him and orders up the biggest, strongest drink for his boy. With all the bar patrons looking on curiously and the bartender shaking his head in disbelief, the boy takes his first sip of alcohol. Swoooop! A torso pops out!
The bar is dead silent; then bursts into a whoop of joy. The father, shocked, begs his son to drink again. The patrons chant "Take another drink"! The bartender still shakes his head in dismay. Swoooop! Two arms pops out! The bar goes wild.
The father, crying and wailing, begs his son to drink again. The patrons chant "Take another drink"! The bartender ignores the whole affair. By now the boy is getting tipsy, and with his new hands he reaches down, grabs his drink and guzzles the last of it. Swoooop! Two legs pop out. The bar is in chaos. The father falls to his knees and tearfully thanks God. The boy stands up on his new legs and stumbles to the left... then to the right... right through the front door, into the street, where a truck runs over him and kills him instantly.
The bar falls silent. The father moans in grief. The bartender sighs and says...
"He should have quit while he was a head!"
A man is waiting for his wife to give birth. The doctor comes in and informs the dad that his son was born without a torso, arms or legs. The son is just a head! But the dad loves his son and raises him as well as he can, with love and compassion.
After 21 years, the son is now old enough for his first drink. Dad takes him to the bar, tearfully tells the son he is proud of him and orders up the biggest, strongest drink for his boy. With all the bar patrons looking on curiously and the bartender shaking his head in disbelief, the boy takes his first sip of alcohol. Swoooop! A torso pops out!
The bar is dead silent; then bursts into a whoop of joy. The father, shocked, begs his son to drink again. The patrons chant "Take another drink"! The bartender still shakes his head in dismay. Swoooop! Two arms pops out! The bar goes wild.
The father, crying and wailing, begs his son to drink again. The patrons chant "Take another drink"! The bartender ignores the whole affair. By now the boy is getting tipsy, and with his new hands he reaches down, grabs his drink and guzzles the last of it. Swoooop! Two legs pop out. The bar is in chaos. The father falls to his knees and tearfully thanks God. The boy stands up on his new legs and stumbles to the left... then to the right... right through the front door, into the street, where a truck runs over him and kills him instantly.
The bar falls silent. The father moans in grief. The bartender sighs and says...
"He should have quit while he was a head!"
JUNE 2009
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MAY 2009
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APRIL 2009
MARCH 2009
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