I've been here for a month now.
This place be CAH-RAY-ZAY!
I'm glad TigerAngel was persistent in making me sign up.
Tangent: I'm thirsty.
That is all.
p.s. I need to get laid (but not with a hoodrat).
This place be CAH-RAY-ZAY!
I'm glad TigerAngel was persistent in making me sign up.
Tangent: I'm thirsty.
That is all.
p.s. I need to get laid (but not with a hoodrat).
You ever get SO horny that no matter what you do... you can't appease your hormones?
Yeah.
This shit done stink. I see sex EVERYWHERE!
Yeah.
This shit done stink. I see sex EVERYWHERE!
ugh. 
p.s. This HAS to be the worst tattoo of all time. I nearly lost my boner. NEARLY.
Do. Not. Want.
So yeah.
I finally created a new album, titled "Random Crap". Basically all the shit I've shot over the years and recently. I can't upload nudes because well... according to how I read the rules, non-SG members cannot be shown or else I'm booted. SO DEAL!
Of course, I'll continue uploading more crap throughout the week. Maybe a few more later today.
In the meantime, HAPPY HUMP DAY!
I finally created a new album, titled "Random Crap". Basically all the shit I've shot over the years and recently. I can't upload nudes because well... according to how I read the rules, non-SG members cannot be shown or else I'm booted. SO DEAL!
Of course, I'll continue uploading more crap throughout the week. Maybe a few more later today.In the meantime, HAPPY HUMP DAY!
OLD SCHOOL MEMORIES
August, 1997... San Diego.
I'm 15 and in a Walmart, walking through the electronics department. I make my way to the video games and two kids - a boy and girl - are busy playing some Playstation game. No older than 7 or 8. I'm checking out the games and thinking about calling next on trying out the demos when the boy randomly asks the girl:
"So... are you a Christian or a Republican?"
I LOL in mah hed.
August, 1997... San Diego.
I'm 15 and in a Walmart, walking through the electronics department. I make my way to the video games and two kids - a boy and girl - are busy playing some Playstation game. No older than 7 or 8. I'm checking out the games and thinking about calling next on trying out the demos when the boy randomly asks the girl:
"So... are you a Christian or a Republican?"
I LOL in mah hed.Sure it's two months away, but let the countdown BEGIN!
VHS.
The CD.
"Don't You Want Me"
Cal Ripken Jr. plays the first game of his record streak.
$25,000 Pyramid
Rambo: First Blood
Conan the Barbarian.
Cats.
Blade Runner.
Tron.
Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan.
"Ebony And Ivory"
Ozzie Osborne & the Bat
The Smiths form.
BMX makes its national debut.
John Belushi dies.
"Eye of the Tiger"
Nike Air Force Ones.
Vanna White goes (and stays) on Wheel of Fortune.
David Letterman.
Knight Rider.
Family Ties.
Cheers... all those shows premiere.
"Land Down Under"
Syzygy occurs.
Thriller was released.
EA and Lucasarts founded.
The contemporary American Mall expands.
Cal vs. Stanford... the rivalry begins.
"I Want Candy"
49ers win their first Super Bowl of the decade.
Prince William was born.
HEADBANDS!!!
The computer is TIME's Man Of The Year.
Coincidentally, the first computer virus is created.
ME.
1982 was a GREAT year. So it's only right that I get some sweet presents. I may continue to edit this blog, so keep an eye out! Right now, I have my eyes on these items...
The shirt = AWESOME
VHS.
The CD.
"Don't You Want Me"
Cal Ripken Jr. plays the first game of his record streak.
$25,000 Pyramid
Rambo: First Blood
Conan the Barbarian.
Cats.
Blade Runner.
Tron.
Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan.
"Ebony And Ivory"
Ozzie Osborne & the Bat
The Smiths form.
BMX makes its national debut.
John Belushi dies.
"Eye of the Tiger"
Nike Air Force Ones.
Vanna White goes (and stays) on Wheel of Fortune.
David Letterman.
Knight Rider.
Family Ties.
Cheers... all those shows premiere.
"Land Down Under"
Syzygy occurs.
Thriller was released.
EA and Lucasarts founded.
The contemporary American Mall expands.
Cal vs. Stanford... the rivalry begins.
"I Want Candy"
49ers win their first Super Bowl of the decade.
Prince William was born.
HEADBANDS!!!
The computer is TIME's Man Of The Year.
Coincidentally, the first computer virus is created.
ME.
1982 was a GREAT year. So it's only right that I get some sweet presents. I may continue to edit this blog, so keep an eye out! Right now, I have my eyes on these items...
The shirt = AWESOME
The song of the moment...
Don't change your name
Keep it the same
For fear I may lose you again
I know you won't
It's just that I
Am unorganized
And I want to find you
When something good happens
If you come down
We'll go to town
I haven't been there for years
But I'd be fine
Wasting our time
Not doing anything here
Just doing nothing
We'll sit for days
And talk about things
Important to us like whatever
We'll defuse bombs
And walk marathons
And take on whatever, together
AM 180 - Grandaddy
Don't change your name
Keep it the same
For fear I may lose you again
I know you won't
It's just that I
Am unorganized
And I want to find you
When something good happens
If you come down
We'll go to town
I haven't been there for years
But I'd be fine
Wasting our time
Not doing anything here
Just doing nothing
We'll sit for days
And talk about things
Important to us like whatever
We'll defuse bombs
And walk marathons
And take on whatever, together
AM 180 - Grandaddy
PHONE SEX.
I swear, that's the weirdest form of pseudo-autoerotica. Actually, wait. I take that back. Virtual Sex was the weirdest form of pseudo-autoerotica I've ever heard of. Honestly, 1991... did you think that was going to be the future of intercourse? Hey, everyone! Let's strap on these giant plastic helmets and look at poorly-constructed polygonal avatars of our lovers' forms when their actual bodies are seated and strapped in only three feet away from us! YEAH! ...this'll prevent the spread of AIDS...
I won't lie, I've done it. And I was the greatest lay I've ever experienced. You too can have a fantastic sexual encounter (with another's voice, an active imagination and by your own hand) by following these three simple rules:
1. Make Sure You Have Plenty Of Juice. Nothing kills the mood like a phone about to die. Be sure to keep your phone fully charged, for those 30 seconds of pleasure. Furthermore, dead spots. No one likes repeating themselves when the line drops briefly while pulling their pud/strumming the ol' pink banjo. "Oh baby, now I'm ... sw... vanilla ... taste... ... ...rosey ... ...penis." "uhhhhhh, what?" Lastly, be sure to make these calls late enough so you don't have someone interrupting. It's something you DO NOT want to ruin your impending liquid explosion... a call from Aunt Petunia.
2. Haste Makes Waste. Slow down... take your time, baby! This ain't the real thing so you don't have to worry about performance anxiety or frigidity. In fact, the foreplay can take all night; you're bound to become a quality multi-tasker over time. Go onnnnn, make a sandwich while laying the triple X throwdown. Do some laundry while playing the "you know what I'd do to you if you were here?" game. I'm pretty good at it now, I can file taxes if I had to.
3. Be Prepared To Be Called A Whore. This one's for the MEN, not you ladies. I tell ya, women can be some of the NASTIEST, degrading, most fucked-up fiends IF you allow them to. What you need to do is know your interest's key words. Those that will give you the keys to their freak kingdom. They don't even have to be sexual... I'll use my platonic friend Phoenix as an example. Say hi, Phi!
Sexcellent. Now there are bad key words and good key words. A few of her good words are Squirrel, Popcorn, Pussy(cat), Ribs, and X-Files. Bad words are Cave, Work, Traffic, White Castle, and Republican. Now if I wanna get her hot and bothered, I can include any one or all of those words in a sexual situation...
"Baby, you know what I'd do to you if I was over there right now? I'd have you holding my nuts like a squirrel and play with your pussy(cat) while we ate ribs and watched the X-Files."
You can even add some of the bad words to make the situation even more tense!
"Baby, you know what I'd do to you if I was over there right now? I'd bend you over your desk at work and fill your middle like I was stuck in rush hour traffic... As your Republican ass boss watched... While eating popcorn."
Of course, I kept these shining examples of phone sex G rated, but you get the jist of it I'm sure.
SO THERE YOU GO! Go forth and keep the Kleenex close.
I swear, that's the weirdest form of pseudo-autoerotica. Actually, wait. I take that back. Virtual Sex was the weirdest form of pseudo-autoerotica I've ever heard of. Honestly, 1991... did you think that was going to be the future of intercourse? Hey, everyone! Let's strap on these giant plastic helmets and look at poorly-constructed polygonal avatars of our lovers' forms when their actual bodies are seated and strapped in only three feet away from us! YEAH! ...this'll prevent the spread of AIDS...
I won't lie, I've done it. And I was the greatest lay I've ever experienced.
You too can have a fantastic sexual encounter (with another's voice, an active imagination and by your own hand) by following these three simple rules:1. Make Sure You Have Plenty Of Juice. Nothing kills the mood like a phone about to die. Be sure to keep your phone fully charged, for those 30 seconds of pleasure. Furthermore, dead spots. No one likes repeating themselves when the line drops briefly while pulling their pud/strumming the ol' pink banjo. "Oh baby, now I'm ... sw... vanilla ... taste... ... ...rosey ... ...penis." "uhhhhhh, what?" Lastly, be sure to make these calls late enough so you don't have someone interrupting. It's something you DO NOT want to ruin your impending liquid explosion... a call from Aunt Petunia.
2. Haste Makes Waste. Slow down... take your time, baby! This ain't the real thing so you don't have to worry about performance anxiety or frigidity. In fact, the foreplay can take all night; you're bound to become a quality multi-tasker over time. Go onnnnn, make a sandwich while laying the triple X throwdown. Do some laundry while playing the "you know what I'd do to you if you were here?" game. I'm pretty good at it now, I can file taxes if I had to.
3. Be Prepared To Be Called A Whore. This one's for the MEN, not you ladies. I tell ya, women can be some of the NASTIEST, degrading, most fucked-up fiends IF you allow them to. What you need to do is know your interest's key words. Those that will give you the keys to their freak kingdom. They don't even have to be sexual... I'll use my platonic friend Phoenix as an example. Say hi, Phi!
Sexcellent. Now there are bad key words and good key words. A few of her good words are Squirrel, Popcorn, Pussy(cat), Ribs, and X-Files. Bad words are Cave, Work, Traffic, White Castle, and Republican. Now if I wanna get her hot and bothered, I can include any one or all of those words in a sexual situation...
"Baby, you know what I'd do to you if I was over there right now? I'd have you holding my nuts like a squirrel and play with your pussy(cat) while we ate ribs and watched the X-Files."
You can even add some of the bad words to make the situation even more tense!
"Baby, you know what I'd do to you if I was over there right now? I'd bend you over your desk at work and fill your middle like I was stuck in rush hour traffic... As your Republican ass boss watched... While eating popcorn."
Of course, I kept these shining examples of phone sex G rated, but you get the jist of it I'm sure.
SO THERE YOU GO! Go forth and keep the Kleenex close.
OK, SMARTYPANTS!
Let's see how well you know your world geography! Click HERE and have at it. My highest score was level 10, after 4 tries.
Good luck!
Let's see how well you know your world geography! Click HERE and have at it. My highest score was level 10, after 4 tries.
Good luck!For nearly the last three weeks...
I've been writing and saying obscure quotes from Talladega Nights: The Ballad Of Ricky Bobby.
And no one was any the wiser.
That's kinda scary to me. heh Like I'd ever REALLY think to say "My mind's tied up like a pretzel. ...I have a pretzel in my head!" Nope. No one paid any mind to my weirdness. Maybe I should have said it all with a different accent. What can I say? I get bored in social settings! Anyways...
Shake it before you bake it, folks.
I've been writing and saying obscure quotes from Talladega Nights: The Ballad Of Ricky Bobby.
And no one was any the wiser.
That's kinda scary to me. heh Like I'd ever REALLY think to say "My mind's tied up like a pretzel. ...I have a pretzel in my head!" Nope. No one paid any mind to my weirdness. Maybe I should have said it all with a different accent. What can I say? I get bored in social settings! Anyways...
Shake it before you bake it, folks.
I felt sporty today so I decided to hit the batting cages for a good hour. RANDOM REX FACT: I played baseball, football (briefly) and basketball while in high school and nearly did earn a scholarship to Duke thanks to the hardwood. But I didn't play senior year.
It felt good to practice my swing again... I hate being stagnant for so long. I feel like a tub of lard. And I'm certain the ladies don't like lard, right? Riiiiiiiiiiight??? Anyways, I was gonna go to the local golf club and head to their driving range, but it got too hot for that shit. Why oh why did I agree to be a part of a charity golf tourney when I haven't even played golf in over three years?! Cripes.
At least it gives me a reason to wear this sweet-ass wardrobe!
Enough of this jock rant!
Methinks I'll go to the SG Prom.
Does anyone have any advice on how I should approach it?
...stag or a date?
...semi-casual or dorky vintage tuxedo get-up?
...civil or touchy-feely drunk?
It felt good to practice my swing again... I hate being stagnant for so long. I feel like a tub of lard. And I'm certain the ladies don't like lard, right? Riiiiiiiiiiight??? Anyways, I was gonna go to the local golf club and head to their driving range, but it got too hot for that shit. Why oh why did I agree to be a part of a charity golf tourney when I haven't even played golf in over three years?! Cripes.
At least it gives me a reason to wear this sweet-ass wardrobe!
Enough of this jock rant!
Methinks I'll go to the SG Prom.
Does anyone have any advice on how I should approach it?
...stag or a date?
...semi-casual or dorky vintage tuxedo get-up?
...civil or touchy-feely drunk?
