So Im almost done with my move. It has taken 4 days and many hours of moving furniture in the hot sun to finish. Not that Im really finished of course.I still have to unpack everything. Anyways, Im bruised from head to toe and out of cash. Take my word for it UHaul is a total rip off.Just two days cost me $260.Along with all the other moving expenses. On a lighter note, Toyota of Marin started airing thier commercial so people recognize me from it. Its ironic that I do not have cable which apparently makes me one of the few people that have not seen me on tv up here.
<p>My life is in constant upheaval these days.However that's just the way I like it. There is nothing worst then boredom and decay. I tried to move away from that by leaving SoCal. Then got stuck in Novato for 2 years. At the moment I live in Corte Madera and in a month I will start a years lease in San Raphael. Yesterday me and a roommate signed lease papers and then took a walk through China camp. A San Francisco land mark on the coast near San Rafael. Here is where Chinese immigrated and tried to make a living fishing and Shrimping.
Unfortunately San Francisco was a very racist place at the turn of the century and the city did everything possible to shut China Camp down. As one walks across the Ghost town there is a sense of great tranquility, something that was probably very hard to achieve when the town was a busy work camp. We wandered down the beach looking at distorted rocks through the flesh of dead jellyfish and found a stairway that was surrounded by wild(now) growing plum trees. These plums were green and looked more like oversized cherries but turned out to be delicous. I saw what looked like wild herbs but was put off by the thick and thorny berry bramble weaving it's way through this long abandoned garden. I ended up taking a shirtful of plums home to share. </p><p>
Today I spent most of the day at a car dealership. While I was in the lobby a film crew came by and asked me to give a thumbs up on service in exchange for a free oil change. So those in marin might be seeing me on local cable channels soon.So here I am, present time, a car dealership commercial star with an $800 brake repair bill, a bowlful of cherry sized plums,listening to Billy Corgan croon about how strange life is. The irony of the moment just breaches the subconcious and escapes me....
Unfortunately San Francisco was a very racist place at the turn of the century and the city did everything possible to shut China Camp down. As one walks across the Ghost town there is a sense of great tranquility, something that was probably very hard to achieve when the town was a busy work camp. We wandered down the beach looking at distorted rocks through the flesh of dead jellyfish and found a stairway that was surrounded by wild(now) growing plum trees. These plums were green and looked more like oversized cherries but turned out to be delicous. I saw what looked like wild herbs but was put off by the thick and thorny berry bramble weaving it's way through this long abandoned garden. I ended up taking a shirtful of plums home to share. </p><p>
Today I spent most of the day at a car dealership. While I was in the lobby a film crew came by and asked me to give a thumbs up on service in exchange for a free oil change. So those in marin might be seeing me on local cable channels soon.So here I am, present time, a car dealership commercial star with an $800 brake repair bill, a bowlful of cherry sized plums,listening to Billy Corgan croon about how strange life is. The irony of the moment just breaches the subconcious and escapes me....
This post is probably going to come off as a bit dry. This is because I feel like I really need to document the last 2 years so I can come back at some point and laugh at myself for allowing it to happen. Ill deal with the emotional aspects of it in later posts.
Part 1
So much has gone on since I moved up here from Socal. I moved in with my friend Rich and his girlfriend and her son. The point of the move was to help him out with his transition to fatherhood(she was pregnant) and to give me a new enviorment to explore. Unfortunately his girlfriend was possessive,vindictive,and much cause of stress and fighting in the house.She never really welcomes me into the house and she treats me more like some guy sleeping for free on the couch then a person paying $900 a month for a shitty 12/12 room. It turned out to be a really depressing place to be.I spent months trying hard to find a job in a market that did not exist. I went from a $2200 a month job in Socal to a retail job.
Meanwhile my rent is so high that I cant buy food and at the same time I cant really move out because my friend and his family are struggling with the new baby and would probably lose the house. The girlfriend got me an insurance job which didnt work out for me. Turns out that I just cannot force people to buy insurance even if its for their own good. My nonsuccess at the insurance job enraged the girlfriend to Psychotic heights.
To say she to it way to personal would be an understatement. Things get worse in the household and my friendship with said friend is going down the tubes because he values sex above all else and she uses(aka denies him) it to control him. We slowly become strangers in the same household. At this point I have been there for a year. The girlfriend goes through one of the periods of civility where she realizes how ridicules she has been acting and things become ok for a while. My rent is reduced from $900 dollars to $750.00 however I am still paying an extra $300 in utilities for things Im not really using since Im working all the time just to pay rent. Unfortunately my friend is hitting financial rocks and Im still unable to move without them losing the house we are renting. They have a fucking kid to feed! I just cannot bring myself to leave and make my life better while possibly destroying theirs.
Flash forward 8 months and I am pretty much isolated to my room. The girlfriend has made it clear through voice and action that Im not really welcome in the rest of the house. Of course that changes when my friend comes home from work.Suddenly there is a forced smile on her lips as she passes me talking to him."Your always welcome to hangout with us" she says in a strained voice.Its obvious that they are not on the same page. Its sometimes hard to understand how the relationship works without any communication. I remember at one point my friend told me it was ok to move and I had almost finished the leasing paperwork when the girlfriend found out and went ballistic. Perhaps I should have checked with her but it really seemed like something you would discuss with your mate before hand.
My friend and I have fairly similar ways of dealing with the house life. He spends all of his time playing video games on his new $4000 computer that he really cant afford. He also gets into music.
Flash forward 3 months
One day I the girlfriend makes an offhand remark about me being a freeloader. I take this to mean that they are finally on thier feet and I can get the fuck out.
Her son seems to be the only one capable of direct communication. The role of messenger seems to be a comfortable one for him, perhaps because he does this for his own dad(not my friend) She will not tell me things directly and my friend is lost in his own world. One day, a week or so after I put in my 90 day notice(the girlfriend was adament about 90 days) he comes up to me and tells me that we are being evicted in one months time. WTF???!!!
Sure enough, its true. In light of rising rent and me moving, they have decided(without telling me) to stop paying rent. Now I have scramble to find a place to live. Which I do in record time. I get my stuff out on the friday before eviction week and my friend decides to move his family back to SoCal. I move closer to SF and my job. On that Saturday I came beck to clean my room and bathroom.
"A ridiculous end to a friendship"
I spent 3 hours cleaning that fucking bathroom and I scrubbed every inch of it clean. You could have eaten out of the toliet. I wiped the last of the cleaner from the bowl with what was left of the toliet paper. Naturally it stuffed up the toilet. This toliet stuffed up almost every time it was used. Since it was just paper and the plunger was nowhere to be found I figured it would just break down on its own and flush away. So I closed the door and let everyone know not to use the bathroom. The next 2 days were hellish I had to work and every moment spent not working was spent helping them get the stuff out. Unfortunately I was out of the house most of the time and they had people over constantly helping them pack. Even with all the help it still took 4 chaotic days to finish the packing. They were still packing on Tuesday and I spent that morning helping out, fixing the vacuum, and cleaning what few rooms had been cleared out. Then I went to work.
I came by 11pm to pick up my cleaning supplies that I had left for them to use. I had totally thought they would be gone. They were not. So I tried to help out but it was really hard to deal with people who get angry at anything you do.The girlfriend screamed at me to get the cleaning stuff out of the house. So I packed up my cleaning supplies and went leave when she tells me that my toilet needs to be plunged. I went to the garage to get the plunger and clear what I think is a bit of toiletpaper. I walk in the bathroom and the first thing I notice is a large track of mud on the floor. I get a little angry about it, after all I spent 3 hours breathing bleach fumes to clean it. Then I lift up the toilet seat and find the entire bowl filled to the rim with feces. Needless to say I was pissed. "What the fuck happen to the toilet? I say. "Oh it was like that when you left" she says. At this point all the crap I had put up with over the last 2 years boils up from within me. The fucking utter disrespect that they have for anything not theirs. I walk outside and tell my friend that I am not cleaning up his families fucking mess. He actually had the audacity to blame it on me! Like Im really going to clean a fucking bathroom for 3 hours and then take a dump in it and leave! Needless to say I got in my car and left.
I got a message from him saying that we were not friends anymore. It was at that moment I realized that our friendship had ended the moment I stepped into that household.
So now my life is exactly like it should have been. I have sane flatmates, my rent is reasonable and I finally have a social life again. More on this later........
Part 1
So much has gone on since I moved up here from Socal. I moved in with my friend Rich and his girlfriend and her son. The point of the move was to help him out with his transition to fatherhood(she was pregnant) and to give me a new enviorment to explore. Unfortunately his girlfriend was possessive,vindictive,and much cause of stress and fighting in the house.She never really welcomes me into the house and she treats me more like some guy sleeping for free on the couch then a person paying $900 a month for a shitty 12/12 room. It turned out to be a really depressing place to be.I spent months trying hard to find a job in a market that did not exist. I went from a $2200 a month job in Socal to a retail job.
Meanwhile my rent is so high that I cant buy food and at the same time I cant really move out because my friend and his family are struggling with the new baby and would probably lose the house. The girlfriend got me an insurance job which didnt work out for me. Turns out that I just cannot force people to buy insurance even if its for their own good. My nonsuccess at the insurance job enraged the girlfriend to Psychotic heights.
To say she to it way to personal would be an understatement. Things get worse in the household and my friendship with said friend is going down the tubes because he values sex above all else and she uses(aka denies him) it to control him. We slowly become strangers in the same household. At this point I have been there for a year. The girlfriend goes through one of the periods of civility where she realizes how ridicules she has been acting and things become ok for a while. My rent is reduced from $900 dollars to $750.00 however I am still paying an extra $300 in utilities for things Im not really using since Im working all the time just to pay rent. Unfortunately my friend is hitting financial rocks and Im still unable to move without them losing the house we are renting. They have a fucking kid to feed! I just cannot bring myself to leave and make my life better while possibly destroying theirs.
Flash forward 8 months and I am pretty much isolated to my room. The girlfriend has made it clear through voice and action that Im not really welcome in the rest of the house. Of course that changes when my friend comes home from work.Suddenly there is a forced smile on her lips as she passes me talking to him."Your always welcome to hangout with us" she says in a strained voice.Its obvious that they are not on the same page. Its sometimes hard to understand how the relationship works without any communication. I remember at one point my friend told me it was ok to move and I had almost finished the leasing paperwork when the girlfriend found out and went ballistic. Perhaps I should have checked with her but it really seemed like something you would discuss with your mate before hand.
My friend and I have fairly similar ways of dealing with the house life. He spends all of his time playing video games on his new $4000 computer that he really cant afford. He also gets into music.
Flash forward 3 months
One day I the girlfriend makes an offhand remark about me being a freeloader. I take this to mean that they are finally on thier feet and I can get the fuck out.
Her son seems to be the only one capable of direct communication. The role of messenger seems to be a comfortable one for him, perhaps because he does this for his own dad(not my friend) She will not tell me things directly and my friend is lost in his own world. One day, a week or so after I put in my 90 day notice(the girlfriend was adament about 90 days) he comes up to me and tells me that we are being evicted in one months time. WTF???!!!
Sure enough, its true. In light of rising rent and me moving, they have decided(without telling me) to stop paying rent. Now I have scramble to find a place to live. Which I do in record time. I get my stuff out on the friday before eviction week and my friend decides to move his family back to SoCal. I move closer to SF and my job. On that Saturday I came beck to clean my room and bathroom.
"A ridiculous end to a friendship"
I spent 3 hours cleaning that fucking bathroom and I scrubbed every inch of it clean. You could have eaten out of the toliet. I wiped the last of the cleaner from the bowl with what was left of the toliet paper. Naturally it stuffed up the toilet. This toliet stuffed up almost every time it was used. Since it was just paper and the plunger was nowhere to be found I figured it would just break down on its own and flush away. So I closed the door and let everyone know not to use the bathroom. The next 2 days were hellish I had to work and every moment spent not working was spent helping them get the stuff out. Unfortunately I was out of the house most of the time and they had people over constantly helping them pack. Even with all the help it still took 4 chaotic days to finish the packing. They were still packing on Tuesday and I spent that morning helping out, fixing the vacuum, and cleaning what few rooms had been cleared out. Then I went to work.
I came by 11pm to pick up my cleaning supplies that I had left for them to use. I had totally thought they would be gone. They were not. So I tried to help out but it was really hard to deal with people who get angry at anything you do.The girlfriend screamed at me to get the cleaning stuff out of the house. So I packed up my cleaning supplies and went leave when she tells me that my toilet needs to be plunged. I went to the garage to get the plunger and clear what I think is a bit of toiletpaper. I walk in the bathroom and the first thing I notice is a large track of mud on the floor. I get a little angry about it, after all I spent 3 hours breathing bleach fumes to clean it. Then I lift up the toilet seat and find the entire bowl filled to the rim with feces. Needless to say I was pissed. "What the fuck happen to the toilet? I say. "Oh it was like that when you left" she says. At this point all the crap I had put up with over the last 2 years boils up from within me. The fucking utter disrespect that they have for anything not theirs. I walk outside and tell my friend that I am not cleaning up his families fucking mess. He actually had the audacity to blame it on me! Like Im really going to clean a fucking bathroom for 3 hours and then take a dump in it and leave! Needless to say I got in my car and left.
I got a message from him saying that we were not friends anymore. It was at that moment I realized that our friendship had ended the moment I stepped into that household.
So now my life is exactly like it should have been. I have sane flatmates, my rent is reasonable and I finally have a social life again. More on this later........
These Dreams part 2-3 Aug 2, 2008 10:29 am
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Sorry I dont post often but I get caught up in life and work(which could be termed unlife).
The dreams however still swirls in my mind and tug at my thoughts. Its time to commit them to page again.
I dreamt this at the beginning of last month.
In my dream I live in a dark twilight city. A gritty Gothamlike metaphor inhabited by the Angels and Demons. A group of Angels come to my house, which is exactly like my family house in Orange County. They give me a book that is somehow a sum of all human deeds and at the same time contains the human race. I am told to keep this away from Lucifer and his minions until dawn and to take it to a large convention center in the middle of the city. There I am to confront Lucifer.
At the end of the meeting if I give him the book humanities rule on earth comes to a close and human kind diminishes into darkness. I accept it and spend the night hiding on rooftops. With some help from humans and not so human, I avoid the gangs of fallen searching for me. They are forbidden to harm me but if they take the book, humanity will fall. Dawn approaches and the Angels give me an escort to the center. As I walk through the hallways I see groups of people representing all the races of man who have ever lived.Others intermingle with them that seem to be spawned from celtic tales.
Still and silent watching me walk down towards the large double doors at the end of the hallway. I walk up to the door and put my hand on the handle. Only to wake up with my alarm blaring.
I hated my alarm at that second because I really wanted to hear Lucifer's explanation of why I should hand over the book of man. I certainly cant think of any reason I would have.
Part 3
This dream happen a day or so before the 4th of July. I actually left a fairground on the 4th because it reminded me of the dream.
Im standing in a valley surrounded by mountains at some sort of festival when there is a huge flash and explosion. Directly in on the mountain in front of me, a large plane crashes and breaks apart. People scream as fiery pieces start tumbling down the mountain towards the gathering.
As frightening as that is my thought in the dream"not again!" was more frightening. Looking back at the dream I can see that my dream self really did act like I had been through something like that before. I calmly watch as huge pieces smash down the hill sides calmly calculating which way to dive or duck to avoid death. A large section of the aircraft is flipping end over end towards me. My muscles tense and I am about to move.. when I wake up.
I am not making this stuff up. These are the types of dreams I have. If anyone has any ideas on what they mean please comment.
0 Views
Sorry I dont post often but I get caught up in life and work(which could be termed unlife).
The dreams however still swirls in my mind and tug at my thoughts. Its time to commit them to page again.
I dreamt this at the beginning of last month.
In my dream I live in a dark twilight city. A gritty Gothamlike metaphor inhabited by the Angels and Demons. A group of Angels come to my house, which is exactly like my family house in Orange County. They give me a book that is somehow a sum of all human deeds and at the same time contains the human race. I am told to keep this away from Lucifer and his minions until dawn and to take it to a large convention center in the middle of the city. There I am to confront Lucifer.
At the end of the meeting if I give him the book humanities rule on earth comes to a close and human kind diminishes into darkness. I accept it and spend the night hiding on rooftops. With some help from humans and not so human, I avoid the gangs of fallen searching for me. They are forbidden to harm me but if they take the book, humanity will fall. Dawn approaches and the Angels give me an escort to the center. As I walk through the hallways I see groups of people representing all the races of man who have ever lived.Others intermingle with them that seem to be spawned from celtic tales.
Still and silent watching me walk down towards the large double doors at the end of the hallway. I walk up to the door and put my hand on the handle. Only to wake up with my alarm blaring.
I hated my alarm at that second because I really wanted to hear Lucifer's explanation of why I should hand over the book of man. I certainly cant think of any reason I would have.
Part 3
This dream happen a day or so before the 4th of July. I actually left a fairground on the 4th because it reminded me of the dream.
Im standing in a valley surrounded by mountains at some sort of festival when there is a huge flash and explosion. Directly in on the mountain in front of me, a large plane crashes and breaks apart. People scream as fiery pieces start tumbling down the mountain towards the gathering.
As frightening as that is my thought in the dream"not again!" was more frightening. Looking back at the dream I can see that my dream self really did act like I had been through something like that before. I calmly watch as huge pieces smash down the hill sides calmly calculating which way to dive or duck to avoid death. A large section of the aircraft is flipping end over end towards me. My muscles tense and I am about to move.. when I wake up.
I am not making this stuff up. These are the types of dreams I have. If anyone has any ideas on what they mean please comment.
These dreams.....part 1
My dreams can be really intense sometimes. Ive had a reoccuring dream of sorts since I was a child. The theme is always the same but the places and aspects of the dream are always different. I am always being stalked by some element of corruption. Ive been followed by strange evil looking CIA like agents(this was a decade before the Matrix) the undead, possessed/corrupted people and in the last dream, Fallen angels and their agents. The dreams have been getting more complex and apocalyptic as time goes on. In the earlier dreams I can fly and usually do to the surprise of those who corner me. Its exhausting and many times I have woken up more tired then when I went to sleep. In the last two dreams Which are separated by 5 years, I have lost the ability or the need to fly and have been too busy protecting something to even consider it. The strange thing is how clearly I remember each dream even after all these
years.
Dream 1
I am out in the desert at a gathering like the ones I used to go too in Socal(think Moontribe). Im with a red haired women who is my wife in the dream. While I know she is beautiful I cannot make out her face in my dream.She has a pair of beautiful ethereal spirit wings which I know only I can see. It has something to do with her bloodline or people. She is 9 months pregnant with my child and we are fugitives because the world is falling under some kind of corrupting influence. We have the ability to see its mark on people and for whatever reason it wants to capture us and take our child. We are at this remote gathering to hide. Im am really worried because my wife is so close to labor and our pursuers are not far behind.
The influence tries to keep itself hidden as it infiltrates human society so I am very wary of people in general and sure enough a group of ragged looking people dressed like they are supposed to be their are headed our way. I can see the corruption from here. It shines in their eyes and rolls off some like steam or smoke.I pull my wife to me and we roll under a car that we happen to be camped next too. They march pass intent on the dancing crowd and do not see us.However two others somehow recognize our camping gear and start to search the camp.I have no choice I pull out a tire iron I saw somewhere and sneak up behind them I knock them out but people from the party see me and start screaming. They dont know what we are dealing with and I have no time to explain.
At that point my wife has her first labor pains and I know we must expose ourselves and make for the nearest hospital. Somehow we make to a hospital only to find that it is already infected/possessed. I hide her in a room as I frantically try to find an uncorrupted doctor to help us. Since me and my wife have an empathic relationship in the dream I know she deep into labor and just as fearful for me and our child. I see a bunch of corrupted hospital staff and people from the gathering and cops talking to staff to determine where we are. I rush towards the room were she is and hear/feel our child take its first breath.
She crys out and now the influence knows too. I run in to the room and help my wife walk the best she can. Where she finds the strength I dont know but in my dream I have always loved her for it. She holds my daughter to her and run limps towards the emergency fire exit. The group of corrupted people turn the corner and see us. At this point I know I have to stall them.I also know the influence considers me expendable now that my daughter is born. As block the exit I know I must keep them away at all cost. I raise my fists and.....
wake up.
So if anyone can tell me anything about what this dream means.....
My dreams can be really intense sometimes. Ive had a reoccuring dream of sorts since I was a child. The theme is always the same but the places and aspects of the dream are always different. I am always being stalked by some element of corruption. Ive been followed by strange evil looking CIA like agents(this was a decade before the Matrix) the undead, possessed/corrupted people and in the last dream, Fallen angels and their agents. The dreams have been getting more complex and apocalyptic as time goes on. In the earlier dreams I can fly and usually do to the surprise of those who corner me. Its exhausting and many times I have woken up more tired then when I went to sleep. In the last two dreams Which are separated by 5 years, I have lost the ability or the need to fly and have been too busy protecting something to even consider it. The strange thing is how clearly I remember each dream even after all these
years.
Dream 1
I am out in the desert at a gathering like the ones I used to go too in Socal(think Moontribe). Im with a red haired women who is my wife in the dream. While I know she is beautiful I cannot make out her face in my dream.She has a pair of beautiful ethereal spirit wings which I know only I can see. It has something to do with her bloodline or people. She is 9 months pregnant with my child and we are fugitives because the world is falling under some kind of corrupting influence. We have the ability to see its mark on people and for whatever reason it wants to capture us and take our child. We are at this remote gathering to hide. Im am really worried because my wife is so close to labor and our pursuers are not far behind.
The influence tries to keep itself hidden as it infiltrates human society so I am very wary of people in general and sure enough a group of ragged looking people dressed like they are supposed to be their are headed our way. I can see the corruption from here. It shines in their eyes and rolls off some like steam or smoke.I pull my wife to me and we roll under a car that we happen to be camped next too. They march pass intent on the dancing crowd and do not see us.However two others somehow recognize our camping gear and start to search the camp.I have no choice I pull out a tire iron I saw somewhere and sneak up behind them I knock them out but people from the party see me and start screaming. They dont know what we are dealing with and I have no time to explain.
At that point my wife has her first labor pains and I know we must expose ourselves and make for the nearest hospital. Somehow we make to a hospital only to find that it is already infected/possessed. I hide her in a room as I frantically try to find an uncorrupted doctor to help us. Since me and my wife have an empathic relationship in the dream I know she deep into labor and just as fearful for me and our child. I see a bunch of corrupted hospital staff and people from the gathering and cops talking to staff to determine where we are. I rush towards the room were she is and hear/feel our child take its first breath.
She crys out and now the influence knows too. I run in to the room and help my wife walk the best she can. Where she finds the strength I dont know but in my dream I have always loved her for it. She holds my daughter to her and run limps towards the emergency fire exit. The group of corrupted people turn the corner and see us. At this point I know I have to stall them.I also know the influence considers me expendable now that my daughter is born. As block the exit I know I must keep them away at all cost. I raise my fists and.....
wake up.
So if anyone can tell me anything about what this dream means.....
For some reason I can never escape the Orange curtain without some kind of OC style drama. I had planned to leave directly for SF from work but I ended up having to go to the bank to activate my new bank card. This "simple" procedure turned into a huge fiasco when it was revealed that, while the pin worked inside the bank, it wouldnt work on on any ATMs. I then had to sit on hold with WM customer service for 45 minutes only to find that the bank had to fix the card. Naturally the bank was closing by this time and I was almost stuck for the weekend. Thankfully they were nice enough to let me get in line and withdraw money after they locked up. I still dont know if the card will work or not. I was told to wait 24 hours and try it again. I took my chances and fled the county anyways. This is a much better spot to be stranded then back there....
Today I went with my friend Rich and his girlfriend to work on this years burningman temple and cut wood for 3 or 4 hours. While it was dusty sweaty work It will all be worth it when I see the final product come burningman.
Tonight we're off to some multi genre party. Should be alot of fun.
Tommorrow I turn 34 and Im really not feeling it. In fact I dont even feel like Im in my thirties. When someone asks my age I sometimes really have to think about it. Perhaps Im just becoming ageless. Or perhaps Im just becoming senile in my old age. Age is an illusion anyways. When someone asks I usually let them guess.
Tommorows mission is to track down as many Nor-Cal friends as possible and give them all really big hugs....
Today I went with my friend Rich and his girlfriend to work on this years burningman temple and cut wood for 3 or 4 hours. While it was dusty sweaty work It will all be worth it when I see the final product come burningman.
Tonight we're off to some multi genre party. Should be alot of fun.
Tommorrow I turn 34 and Im really not feeling it. In fact I dont even feel like Im in my thirties. When someone asks my age I sometimes really have to think about it. Perhaps Im just becoming ageless. Or perhaps Im just becoming senile in my old age. Age is an illusion anyways. When someone asks I usually let them guess.
Tommorows mission is to track down as many Nor-Cal friends as possible and give them all really big hugs....
Winter Solstice was wonderful! I went to my friend Rafael's house for a Solstice party. His house is always a safe and healing place, and going there is always a great experience. Me and my friend Cheryl got there a little early ,met and talked with the other arriving people. As soon as most of the people arrived there was a meditative ceremony which ended in the sharing of a gift to the party.Some brought really touching and personal gifts to share. Poetry,music(performed) massages,incense,and other equally interesting things passed around the room. Me and Cheryl passed around the mulled(spiced) wine I had made in the kitchen in large cups that were drained and refilled untill they were gone. The rest of the party was of suprisingly deep conversation, and cuddling with cute girls.There was so much emotional and sexual vitality swirling through the house that eventually I was overwhelmed by it. There came a point where I just sat down in the middle of the room by the fire to let the energy flow through me. I spent the next day hanging out with some of the people I had met at the house, It was a such very transcendent experience that it helped me prepare myself to deal with the painful things Ive suppressed to get through the year.
More on this later.....
More on this later.....
Got back my Laptop today and am fnally able to get on the internet long enough to post something(and then some) Once I get through the 150 emails Ill post something interesting...
This whole month has been a measure of extremes...
From finacial security to almost poverty, The happiness of friends and music under a full moon overshadowed by severe dehydration in 115 F heat. This week has been near solitary confinment, followed by the news that my good friend's mother has disappeared.
http://www.nbc4.tv/news/4667153/detail.html
My friend is currently out of the country and Im really worried about how this news will affect her. The worst thing is that the police have forbidden us from telling her untill investigators have questioned her. The best I could do is email her to call Erin, her best friend and for all intents and purposes "family". Meanwhile Im helping deal with so many other peoples problems that I have no time for my own. Finacial,emotional, or otherwise.Perhaps I have to much empathy but I cant stand by when people are in need. So what can I do but take a deep breath and march out into the storm regardless? Determination will get me through this just like it always has. But I know that determination will not ever lessen the melancholy of feeling alone.
From finacial security to almost poverty, The happiness of friends and music under a full moon overshadowed by severe dehydration in 115 F heat. This week has been near solitary confinment, followed by the news that my good friend's mother has disappeared.
http://www.nbc4.tv/news/4667153/detail.html
My friend is currently out of the country and Im really worried about how this news will affect her. The worst thing is that the police have forbidden us from telling her untill investigators have questioned her. The best I could do is email her to call Erin, her best friend and for all intents and purposes "family". Meanwhile Im helping deal with so many other peoples problems that I have no time for my own. Finacial,emotional, or otherwise.Perhaps I have to much empathy but I cant stand by when people are in need. So what can I do but take a deep breath and march out into the storm regardless? Determination will get me through this just like it always has. But I know that determination will not ever lessen the melancholy of feeling alone.
OCTOBER 2009
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SEPTEMBER 2009
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AUGUST 2009
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JULY 2009