So today we found out the answer to my “Soon” dilemma! The cloud above my head was full of SO MUCH HAPPINESS! Many of you may not know, but my husband and I were told we only had a 5% chance of ever having our own child….Today, we saw it’s heartbeat!!!! SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO HAPPY! We are due June 1, 2013!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So tomorrow is the deciding point of my happiness. WISH ME LUCK! So nervous!

Excited and terrified at the same time. This feeling of not knowing haunts me! Be calm they say, don't stress! How can you not stress with the unknown looming over your head. Hidden within the cloud could be a gift or it could hold a box of endless shadows of grief...Don't stress...They're not in my position so it's easy to give out advice when the situation isn't yours. I wish I could keep my stress levels down, but the grief and excitement swelling inside me creates a turmoil unmatched by anything else. A tornado of uncertainty on how to feel, how to act, & what to do... I will know soon enough, but once you start looking at that clock time slows down and the soon enough become an eternity of waiting, or thinking...How many thoughts and plays of possibilities can go through ones mind during a time span of "soon"? A million? Bazillion? An unfathomable amount, especially with my mind, seeking an answer that will come "soon". But will the answer be the salvation to my emotional turmoil or will it fuel the shadows of agony threatening to break me apart from the inside? Soon they say...Don't stress they say.... All I can do it lie down and imagine that the images in my head being torn apart by demons of doubt with be the images of truth and the demons are just shadows of the doubt that plagues the back of my mind. Soon..I will know. just, soon.

OMG YAYAYAYAYAYAY! 1week left of these classes. While personality development and social development among children and adolescents is all fascinating and I've learned a lot about myself and people around me. I am totally done with fucking projects and case work for now! Least this is my last week for these classes and I normally do well on final projects. Then it's a week filled with paranormal romance novels, writing my book, and taking more pictures YAYAYAAYYAYAYAY!
on a side note it's 1 month till my bday and this is my next ttaoo/bday present! SQUEEEEEEEEEEEEE CAN'T FRIGGIN WAIT!

YAYAYAYAYAY! So it's one of those days again (the procrastinating kind where I don't wanna do my homework lol), BUT!!!! I have my new Darksiders II game Limited Edition with the official DLC: Angel of Death so I'm gonna rockin that during the day! WOOT!...After I clean a bit of course. Ugh...Takes forever for my to clean, then one cat with 5minutes of the zoomies to run around the house and knock everything to the floor and create another disaster for me to clean. I totally wanna hire a maid! The cat in the picture is the culprit! Don't let him lure you into a false sense of security! He is a one cat house wrecking ball lol

Bleh!!! Sleepy! Down to 2weeks left in this class with a cunt of a teacher! Hopefully she gets fired after the crap she has put the students through! On the upside I have learned a lot about personality development and my cat has too...Well, at least she would have if she could read since she hasn't left my lap the entire time I've been doing homework. Cest la vie! I wanna learn french and spanish. Hopefully it wont be too difficult. Here's to hoping rossetta stone actually works! How is everyone else doing?

Sittin here thinking about what to do then I decided to post on here. My cat is very content in my lap and her purring sounds like a hyperventilating squirrel on crack (awesome imagery huh?) Anyways, not much going on today. I have a GREAT weekend at the resort aside from my dog throwing me off my bike and onto the ground (OUCH!), but other than that I played some water volleyball and had a blast! How was your Labor Day weekend spent?

So. New blog today. Doing school work, bought/set up a 50gallon fish tank for my best friend who is allergic to fish (ironic huh). It's her 24th bday and she has always wanted a fish tank for as long as I've known her, so to make it special I did something that she never would have expected! Let me know what you think of the set up? My husband fixed the stand/canopy and repainted it, but I set up the tank Other than that. Back hurts, I'm sleepy, and I don't wanna do my homework! Wish I was in HS again, then homework wouldn't matter lol. Cest la vie.

SOOOOOOOOOOOOOO stressful. Been going to school, had to put my cat down after having her for 8yrs (I'm still broken about that), and my mom is going off the deep end. Since I can't have kids that cat was my baby...Is it bad that I felt more for her death than I have for the death of any human I have known? I love you Mamas kitty. You were beauty and intelligent and always knew how to cheer me up. I will truly miss you!

Soooooo. Haven't been on in a while...family issues, school, deaths in the family, BUT I'M BACK! Life is still kickin and I'm playin games. What's everyone up to? Me?? Classes start back up tomorrow and I'm almost done with my degree!! YAYAYAYAYAYAYAYA. Anyways. Short update, but there it is. Hope you all have a great night.