My doggie has to have surgery tomorrow.
I know in my heart that it is necessary.
He will be happier in the long run.
But I am still worried.
I have to leave him at the vet most of the day.
He is going to be so scared waking up in pain and me not being there for him.
I just want my baby to be okay.
Send happy puppy thoughts please.

Edit: Puppers is home now, with his little ear all bandaged up. The vet I went to was amazing, and they said he was on his best behavior. The bandage is open at the end, I guess to let air in, and I have him heavily dosed on pain pills, because if he shakes his head there will be some gnarly blood spray. I am just so glad to have my boy home

I just watched the movie Waitress and bawled my eyes out.
Strangely, I held it together last week when I made my man watch Big Fish, which really fucked me off the first time I saw it.
A few days ago I got teary watching a documentary about Pantera, so I really don't see any logical pattern to my emotional outbursts.

I took last Thursday off to watch the season premiere of Lost, and fucking loved it.

I got to laze about in the bed with the man today, and it was so nice.
I realize every day how much I have gone from merely wanting him to absolutely needing him.
I got a damn good man.
I waited on a couple tonight, and the woman was reading a book, and the man was fucking with his phone the whole time.
Me and my man will never be like them.
We actually talk to each other when we are at dinner.

I told him he needed a rug for the living room, he bought 3. One for the living room, one for the kitchen,and one for the bedroom.

I am getting two new stars added to my back tattoo soon, one for my uncle that passed away, and one for my man. I like commemorating things.

I am sleepy, and shall go to the bed now

I have recently come to the harsh conclusion that I am not "cool".
At least by this site's measures, and I mean no bitchiness at all by that.

I don't look cool, I don't act cool, and I am okay with this.
I am so out of the loop on new music, and would be more so if I didn't pay attention to
trocc's playlist on his blog. I thank him for that.

All my winter sweaters are from LL Bean, very sensible and dorky, yet warm as fuck.
I am enthralled with throw pillows and soft blankets.
I am very resistant to change, but getting better about it.
I love my houseplants, how fucked off is that?
I don't like driving at night, and always go the speed limit.
I make my bed every day.

I want a more "normal" life.
I want to have a job where I have to get up early and have to go to bed early.
A job where I can use my mind and not come home at midnight reeking of food and margaritas.
I have taken myself out of all the sexual groups I used to be in on this site, because they started seeming gross to me.
I really don't care about other peoples sexual conquests, call me a prude if you will, whatever.
I also recently deleted 256 pages of PM's that included people I don't even know saying shit like "I love your titties, check out my webcam so you can see me jack off"!! Ew, who does that?

I love going to my man's part of town and going to new (to me) bad ass hole in the wall Mexican restaurants.
I love sleeping in a house as opposed to my apartment.
I love coming home and seeing my dog immediately rolling over for me to rub his belly.
I love waking up with both my kitties curled up with me.

So, basically, I am a nerd.
My "cool" period was over a long time ago,
Trust me, I tried really hard.
Back in the day when I cared what people thought about me.
Back when I thought I had something to prove.
I think that was pretty much when I was in 9th grade.

Now I know I don't have anything to prove.
Never did.
I am just me.
Take it or leave it.

Hell, I might even start cooking or knitting or some shit.

I am thinking I have a pinched nerve in my upper back.
Good thing it only hurts when I move or breathe

The doggie and I are about to go to my man's house for the eve, much to the dismay of his kitties
We are going to go eat Mexican food, maybe shop for pillows, and watch the documentary America: Freedom to Fascism.

My best friend flew in yesterday to work on a project for her job, and we got to have lunch and Bloody Mary's. I think it's cool that I have known her and been so close with her since 3rd grade She is truly amazing.

Hope everyone is doing well and being happy

Mushy fact: Thursday is my 6 month anniversary with my man. Go us

I have not had a drop of alcohol since Monday night.
Those who know me well understand that this is quite amazing.
I do love my beer.

This was not something I decided to do voluntarily.
It was brought on by a raging case of food poisoning or some type of stomach flu.
It was pretty gnarly to say the least
I lost 10 pounds in two days, if you get the drift.
I would have died if my man would not have been there to get me Gatorade, 7up, and crackers, and put up with my moaning and hot/cold flashes
He really deserves a medal

I woke up yesterday still shaky and weak, unsure if I could keep anything down.
I called in to work, 3rd time in 13 years, so it wasn't a big deal.
Rested all day.
Seriously considered having a beer.
Didn't.
Then I realized waking up feeling shitty from this really was not as bad as waking up hungover.
At least my fucking head was clear.
I really wanted to be productive even though I was too weak.
I read some of a book I have been meaning to read.
Went to bed early (for me).
Slept well.
Woke up feeling pretty darn good.
Maybe I am on to something here
So, in a way, I guess I owe a couple of days of eye opening sobriety to food poisoning, however weird that sounds.
Not to say I won't ever have another beer, that would be a flat out lie.
But I think it is time to slow down, treat myself better.
I think I may like it

I have way too much postive stuff going on in my life right now to just be in a haze all the time

When I joined this site a few years ago, I was not in a good place in my head.
I was really lonely.
I seemed to draw friends on here pretty quickly, and I loved it.
SG was my social life.
I don't know how many times I stayed up til the wee hours talking with some of you.
It was great, and I guess it was what I needed at the time.

Then, one night about six months ago, I sent a random message to a guy here in my town saying I wanted to meet him.
I was half in the bag and never expected a response.

He responded.
We talked on the phone.
We met for beers.
Have been together ever since.

Yay!

I have never felt so loved in my life.
No fancy bells and whistles, just pure honest love and respect and loyalty.
Enjoying dinners together.
Hanging out watching bad tv and drinking beer.
We are really different in a lot of ways, he says he is built for speed and I am built for comfort.
He is really high energy, and I am retardedly laid back.
But our core values are both really old fashioned, so that works really well.


He is nice to my dog.
As in got my dog a gift card to Petco for christmas, how fucking great is that!
He carries my to go boxes.
His christmas gifts to me were beyond thoughtful and great.
He doesn't care if my legs are a bit stubbly at times.
He knows I will look gnarly after an 8 hour shift, and pays it no mind.
He put up with my mom for a whole day, that is monumental.

We talk.
We get along.
We laugh.
We argue amicably.
When I get all cranky and negative, he shows me how fucked off I am being.
And tries to show me ways to be better.
I love it when he gets ready for work at my house and my house smells like his coffee for hours.
I love that he makes me get up to let him out so the door will be locked behind him and I am safe.

The other morning I was a total shit around him, and it made me think.
I have to be more positive.
I have started to realize that I do have it pretty good, and I should just shut the fuck up sometimes.
I want to be better for him.
More importantly, I want to be better for me.

So, I don't think I will be around here so much anymore.
There are many of you that I will keep up with, people that I genuinely care about.
You know who you are.
But for the most part I just think I need to focus on other things rather than this place.
It just seems weird to me now.


Maybe I will pick up a book for fuck's sake.
I have spent all of my life taking care of everyone else and neglecting myself.
That has to stop.
I guess I am growing up in a way

I have to revel in the good in my life, and quit letting it pass me by while I do nothing.
Life is too short.
I need to go out and experience it

I hope everyone has a good New Years Eve.
I picked up a shift because I think doggie may have to go under the knife.
He is not happy anymore, and that is unacceptable to me as a good dog mom.
I have to make him better.
My trip home for the holiday went well.
I listened to Phish and High on Fire the whole way down there.
I made my mom listen to High on Fire, she was not happy about that.
We went to see the new Denzel Washington movie, and we were the only honkies in the joint.
She was not happy about that either, it was rather amusing.
She is a tad uptight/Republican.
On the way home from East Texas hell, I listened to the first Queens of the Stone Age cd repeatedly and reveled in it's brilliance.
I better make fat cash tonight or I am crackin' skulls
Be safe

Ok, my SG has been fucked up for a couple of weeks now. I can't read spoilers, I can't see members pics that I normally can see, and I can't reply to PM's without going back to the persons profile. This is really pissing me off. Oh, and I can't use any of the smilies.........still. Can't change my little tag line either. Bollocks.

Going to my mom's house in the morning for the holiday. She has every minute of my time there planned to the umpteenth degree, and I would just really love to rest and relax. Not going to happen. I am staying in her town a bit longer because I have a rad chiropractor there that needs to help me and my sore paws.

My man is still at his folks house, way far away, and it's been lonely, but have talked to him a lot. I miss him like crazy, but I know when he gets back the Mexican Martinis are ON, and I can sleep all cuddled up to him, which I prefer by the way.

My doggie's ear is still fucked up, and it is driving him nuts, and breaking my heart at the same time.

I am beyond tired now, and have to get up in about 4 hours, I will surely be a mess.

I hope you all have a wonderful whatever you celebrate day. ( Would insert happy face but can't)

Be well, yo

My man left today to go see his family for the holidays.
I blubbered like a baby when he left, and more after he was gone.
I put mushy love notes in his luggage when he was asleep.
I am aware that I am a sap, please don't remind me.

For the next 7 nights I will be alone, and I really need to find ways to pass the time.
Tonight I put up tons of laundry, and cleaned out 3 closets.
I miss him terribly, but at this rate my house will be sparkling and very organized when he gets back.
Isn't it weird when you realize how used to someone you are, and how much you truly need them?
It's gonna be hard sleeping tonight, I shall force the dog to let me cuddle him.

I feel like half of me is missing.

It is officially my birthday, and I am up way too late.
I always get some weird energy around this day
In the morning I will get an omelette, do my xmas shopping, and then go to a fabulous dinner with the man

I don't mind getting older
Nothing you can do about it anyway

I don't care about presents
The fact that I have good friends, good health, a good head on my shoulders, a sense of humor, and a man that treats me like a queen really says it all.

If you keep up with me, you know that my doggie has a bad ear that is really bringing him down. I would rather pull my fingernails off with a rusty butter knife than see my pup in pain, but we are working with it and trying to make him better. Wish my pup luck please.

I am now going to sleep so I don't waste my whole birthday taking to the bed, I am not quite Southern enough for those antics.

Love