I am wondering how, at my ripe old age, I am just now digging Joy Division. Of course, I did just watch the movie Control, about Ian Curtis, but I seriously could have used this music when I was 15 and all I had to turn to was the Cure and Depeche Mode, which are not such good substitues if you ask me.

So I went on a little Itunes/Joy Division frenzy and then took doggy out whilst listening to my new purchases. I must have looked quite odd dancing around in the grass with the dog on his leash, and most likely singing out loud. However, I consider instances like that to just be the fun, spur of the moment, happy moments that I will love forever. Keeps me young, haha

In unrelated news, I am wondering if the food runner guy at my work noticed last night that he prepared scoops of mayonnaise rather than honey butter for the bread we serve to every table. Gross yes, but I had to laugh at all the douchebags that didn't notice and slatherd mayo on their precious bread.............and ate it

My Bitchy List of Things That Are Annoying Me Today:

~ The "grown men" that I work with that act like we are friends and then go boo-hoo to management about things they think I am getting away with.

~Stupid, vapid, yuppie cunt women I wait on every fucking day that spend $40 between the 5 of them and sit at my table for 4 or 5 hours.

~Getting behind same women whilst they are driving their SUV aimlessly all over the road on their goddamn cell phone. My advice to these twats would be to go home and fuck your poor sex-starved husbands whose credit cards you abuse carelessly.

~The tards that sit on the OPEN AIR patio at my work and ask me, "Can you do anything about this heat"? The advice I give them is to come back in October.

~My tv is making an odd buzzing noise.

~My pretty much all time favorite restaurant is closing next week. They are replacing it with a Mexican restaurant, because, you know, Austin doesn't already have one on every corner.

~I may have to dip into my savings to cover my rent this month, and that is just not okay.

~My mother is trying (yet again) to control my life from 200 miles away.

~My fucking electric bill is $168.00 this month, what the hell?

~I ate WAY too much Sambal chile paste with my chinese food today (even for me), which is why I am up late with a tummy of fire.

I am now going to hug my doggie and give him belly rubs, chug more Pepto, and go get some sleep. Hoping for a good tomorrow

RIP George Carlin. Fuck. I watched Carlin at Carnegie when I should have been in bed as a little girl, and been a fan ever since. A brilliant man is gone, and I am sad To honor his passing, I would just like to say some words.....

Rat shit, bat shit, dirty old twat,
69 assholes tied in a knot,
HORRAY!!!!!
LIZARD SHIT!!!!!!
FUCK!!!!!!!!!!

I should be asleep right now, but I don't work til 6:30 tomorrow night, and I am totally caught up in a good book, so I feel justified in staying up late.

Tuesday was my 11 month anniversary with my man, and that is just a huge deal to me. We slept late, went and got some lunch and then stopped in at Petco, where we got fascinated by the hamsters and rats, and the spastic little mice. Oh, and there was one cute guinea pig with really bad bed-head that had some fucked off skin issue, but he was cute too. I wonder what my cats would do if I got a pet rat. There was one female hamster that was going to town on her little wheel, stopping only to make out with the really fat boy hamster in the next cage, it was strangely cute.

The man and I have gotten to a nice level of comfort with each other. Not bored with each other comfort, but the kind of comfort where I don't worry about how I look all the time, even if I go to sleep with my makeup on and look like devil ass in the morning. It's nice, real fucking nice, to have a man that is good to me. I am going to say that I really think I deserve it, I firmly believe that. After wading through douchebags for years, I finally got a good one. He is not here now, and I miss him a lot, but I get to see him tomorrow. I get to curl up on his chest and have him hold me, and then it's all okay.

I have two things to say about last night

1) Sometimes doing something you really think you want to do does not go so well.

2) Mixing beer, wine, tequila, vodka, and jalapenos is usually not a good idea.

Lastly, I decided I wanted the biggest watermelon in the grocery store last night (this was after #2), and proceeded to drop it on the floor, where it promptly exploded all over my shoes. And then I put it back, as if nobody would ever know.

Got back from my mom's today, and am happy to report we had a nice time. Had tons of Asian food, steak, wine, beer, and spent time with our doggies. I am pretty sunburned from going to the pool, but jeez did I need some color. We also shopped a lot, mom didn't buy anything, and I only bought Burt's Bees lotion for my sunburn and some fancy pants body wash. My hometown never ceases to amaze me, flagrant wealth in every direction, and the fakest assholes you will ever meet.

I would like to thank Roky Erikson, Kyuss, and the FUCKING BRILLIANT latest Radiohead cd for keeping me sane whilst navigating around slow ass trucks on the East Texas backroads. I was also amused to hear the theme songs from Smokey and the Bandit and The Dukes of Hazzard back to back on some random country station near the lovely town of Hearne, TX.

I helped my mom with ear candles, and damn near set her on fire, oops. I got to see my dear friend Robert, his wife, and his badass son, who is two, and told me the correct name for all of his dinosaur toys.

I drove by the house I grew up in, and wondered why I was always so embarrassed to live there.

I like going there to visit, but I just can't seem to get away fast enough.

I am leaving in a few hours for the hell that is East Texas to visit my mom. Enough said. Please let me blink my eyes and it be Wednesday already. Taking copious amounts of beer with me

Is it okay that I am a bit misty about Harvey Korman passing away? I grew up on the Carol Burnett show and Blazing Saddles. I loved how he could never keep a completely straight face, it was like he was having a lot of fun with his work I hope this funny man does indeed rest in peace

I feel much better now, just so the few of you that read my last post know. I played in dirt today and repotted my new bougainvillea plant into a pretty new pot. Bougainvilleas are very symbolic and wonderful plants to me. I hope it grows all viny and twisty like my last one. I can only hope. I am focusing on simple things right now. Like the watering cans my man bought me for my plants.

I have been treading water for a long time now, and my legs have finally gotten tired. I need a break, I need to get away, I need a lot of things. Barely staying afloat takes a lot out of me. I feel like I am imploding