started my first week of school last week and it was fantastic to be back doing the thing i love
meeting with a art director and a photographer to go over what i want from my first set
i look forward to what they have to offer and im excited to get to work with them
let me know your opinions too
im working with some of the top people in austin but i also know im here to please you too
so let me know
love all
meeting with a art director and a photographer to go over what i want from my first set
i look forward to what they have to offer and im excited to get to work with them
let me know your opinions too
im working with some of the top people in austin but i also know im here to please you too so let me know
love all
so today im just exhausted and still angry but im pawning some things to stay here i kissed ass and took shit so that i could have a roof over my head.
if anyone really knew my sister like i did they would see shes just like my dad...controlling, abusive, and hurtful for fun. i hate people like that but i have to keep looking up and seeing that in a year ill have my cosmetology degree and i wont ever have to deal with her again....anyways heres a pic of my ferrets that made me happy
if anyone really knew my sister like i did they would see shes just like my dad...controlling, abusive, and hurtful for fun. i hate people like that but i have to keep looking up and seeing that in a year ill have my cosmetology degree and i wont ever have to deal with her again....anyways heres a pic of my ferrets that made me happy
because you wanted them......have a look
also im looking for a photographer in the austin area to do a set with
also im looking for a photographer in the austin area to do a set with
ive been back home a month now and im starting to slide back into old habits i had when i lived here before
ive lost 24 lbs since ive been back (1 month) which most people would be jumping for joy but i know its from habits and that its not healthy. i feel so much competition from my sister to be perfect that ive slipped back into my "rituals"
in the morning i only drink coffee no sugar and i dont eat again until night time where i force myself to eat a few apples and a little bag of carrots. i hide when i eat like its something bad, i jog the neighborhood 2 times a day while the exercise is good for me im only consuming 800 calories a day. i know its not right i know it but i feel like i dont deserve to eat that i dont deserve to be happy because being home i have to face the mistakes i made in Colorado. throwing away my relationship with "K" to get into an abusive relationship to the point where i had to run back home. whats messed up is that the only time my family said i looked good was when i was down to 99 lbs in high school. i want to be healthy and losing weight is good for me but not like this. why is it i know im doing something wrong but i cant stop myself if i eat more i feel guilty i feel bad and i have to exercise until i make myself sick. right now everyone is telling me how good i look and how i look so much better but i feel like inside im punishing myself for the same thing..i lost that person in 2009 and i still punish myself for it. i was stupid...but being home is both good and bad for me. everyone's saying how good i look now but what about a few months from now...what am i doing to my body. can my body handle going through this again. id be mortified if my family knew i was doing this again. i feel good then i feel bad, its like a cycle thats never ends. i was ok for the 6 years that i lived in colorado actually i became obese there. but now that im home im back to how i was, i really dont know if my family triggers it or not or if im just forced to face reality more here.
on a better note ill be going back to school on the 30th. i want to get a career a life of my own a home of my own. i just hope that i can get this problem together before i end up hurting my body more. i know what im doing i just dont know how to fix it
i look perfect on the outside but inside im just screaming
ive lost 24 lbs since ive been back (1 month) which most people would be jumping for joy but i know its from habits and that its not healthy. i feel so much competition from my sister to be perfect that ive slipped back into my "rituals"
in the morning i only drink coffee no sugar and i dont eat again until night time where i force myself to eat a few apples and a little bag of carrots. i hide when i eat like its something bad, i jog the neighborhood 2 times a day while the exercise is good for me im only consuming 800 calories a day. i know its not right i know it but i feel like i dont deserve to eat that i dont deserve to be happy because being home i have to face the mistakes i made in Colorado. throwing away my relationship with "K" to get into an abusive relationship to the point where i had to run back home. whats messed up is that the only time my family said i looked good was when i was down to 99 lbs in high school. i want to be healthy and losing weight is good for me but not like this. why is it i know im doing something wrong but i cant stop myself if i eat more i feel guilty i feel bad and i have to exercise until i make myself sick. right now everyone is telling me how good i look and how i look so much better but i feel like inside im punishing myself for the same thing..i lost that person in 2009 and i still punish myself for it. i was stupid...but being home is both good and bad for me. everyone's saying how good i look now but what about a few months from now...what am i doing to my body. can my body handle going through this again. id be mortified if my family knew i was doing this again. i feel good then i feel bad, its like a cycle thats never ends. i was ok for the 6 years that i lived in colorado actually i became obese there. but now that im home im back to how i was, i really dont know if my family triggers it or not or if im just forced to face reality more here.
on a better note ill be going back to school on the 30th. i want to get a career a life of my own a home of my own. i just hope that i can get this problem together before i end up hurting my body more. i know what im doing i just dont know how to fix it
i look perfect on the outside but inside im just screaming
