Im in a bad mood.
Im at work. Work is pretty much all I have had to think about these last 3 weeks. Things are so hectic now, it wouldnt normally get to me . But Im busy because of other people putting things off.
Knowing that I have to work till midnight on something that I should have had weeks to finsh, but for one fool, is not the greatest motivator in the world of work or life for that matter.
Anyway, rant over honest.
What else have I been up to ? Well nothing actually, cricket one day at the weekend, only really leaves time to chill on the other. Although it was nice sitting and chilling in the sunshine on Sunday. Pimms, a deck chair and a book about Nazis. What more could you ask for .? Well a more cheerful book I guess.
Been watching some pretty awesome films recently, Lady Vengeance and Oldboy to name but one also a little bit of anime.
I really want to go away on holiday. I have money but thats supposed to be for a house.
Im going to North Africa in October but I could really do with a week away before then. Somewhere in France I can chill would be good . Time to do some research methinks.
Might go to Robin Hoods bay next week in an effort to get my get up and go back . Which has still errrr gone.
Where and when I dont know, maybe I should make some posters up and eave them dotted around the place. The place being the internet.
I have no idea what wrong with me . I just get meh very easy these days.
Make me smile/laugh yeah . Go on .
Thanks heavens for pretty girls I guess.
Anyhow, I promise to update more often I might even try and find something interesting to say.
Loves
me
x
Im at work. Work is pretty much all I have had to think about these last 3 weeks. Things are so hectic now, it wouldnt normally get to me . But Im busy because of other people putting things off.
Knowing that I have to work till midnight on something that I should have had weeks to finsh, but for one fool, is not the greatest motivator in the world of work or life for that matter.
Anyway, rant over honest.
What else have I been up to ? Well nothing actually, cricket one day at the weekend, only really leaves time to chill on the other. Although it was nice sitting and chilling in the sunshine on Sunday. Pimms, a deck chair and a book about Nazis. What more could you ask for .? Well a more cheerful book I guess.
Been watching some pretty awesome films recently, Lady Vengeance and Oldboy to name but one also a little bit of anime.
I really want to go away on holiday. I have money but thats supposed to be for a house.
Im going to North Africa in October but I could really do with a week away before then. Somewhere in France I can chill would be good . Time to do some research methinks.
Might go to Robin Hoods bay next week in an effort to get my get up and go back . Which has still errrr gone.
Where and when I dont know, maybe I should make some posters up and eave them dotted around the place. The place being the internet.
I have no idea what wrong with me . I just get meh very easy these days.
Make me smile/laugh yeah . Go on .
Thanks heavens for pretty girls I guess.
Anyhow, I promise to update more often I might even try and find something interesting to say.
Loves
me
x
Hey hey kidsters
So yes its been a while. Its not that I've been busy, just too drained and numbed to write. Thats the trouble I find with my job, sometime it just stops my brain functioning. the boredom is incredible at the moment, mixed with the odd stress induced headache...
Moving swiftly on, The house has been rewired, the landlord dropped some paint off so I could do the redecoration myself. This worked out better as it means I can do it when I want, rather than having to work around their timetable.
There was a lot of talk on here a few weeks back about body image... well I guess its maybe my turn now.
I think only 3 people know this, so count yourselves lucky!
I used to, and some extent still do, suffer from anorexia. This is one of the many fun and exciting ways that my depression rears its ugly head. I don't refuse food over body image, I just lose the desire to eat. I don't want to. At its worst point I went down to 98 pounds, these days I'm more 130 pounds. But I still have days where I starve myself when depression beckons at the door.
The net result of this is that apart from one part
I don't care much for my body. I can barely look at it within the mirror. People joke at my expense, they don't realise I suffer from depression and that maintaining my weight, let alone putting weight on is a constant battle between my mind, body and soul.
That is why this was so difficult.
So yes its been a while. Its not that I've been busy, just too drained and numbed to write. Thats the trouble I find with my job, sometime it just stops my brain functioning. the boredom is incredible at the moment, mixed with the odd stress induced headache...
Moving swiftly on, The house has been rewired, the landlord dropped some paint off so I could do the redecoration myself. This worked out better as it means I can do it when I want, rather than having to work around their timetable.
There was a lot of talk on here a few weeks back about body image... well I guess its maybe my turn now.
I think only 3 people know this, so count yourselves lucky!
I used to, and some extent still do, suffer from anorexia. This is one of the many fun and exciting ways that my depression rears its ugly head. I don't refuse food over body image, I just lose the desire to eat. I don't want to. At its worst point I went down to 98 pounds, these days I'm more 130 pounds. But I still have days where I starve myself when depression beckons at the door.
The net result of this is that apart from one part
I don't care much for my body. I can barely look at it within the mirror. People joke at my expense, they don't realise I suffer from depression and that maintaining my weight, let alone putting weight on is a constant battle between my mind, body and soul.That is why this was so difficult.
There I did it, for all of you to see.
Theres not much else to say.
I'm determined to do some writing tomorrow..... we'll see how it goes and if I have time. Which seems to be very short at the moment. At least I got some gardening done and its a lot nicer to sit outside with a cuppa now.
Peace, love and melody
xx
Hey hey
How's it going???
Work has been really bad these last few weeks, normally its the managers who are the problem.... this time it goes right to the top. If I were to follow the professional code of conduct I would need to resign.... but I can't afford that. Its a very fine line and I'm only just the right side, as soon as that is crossed then I have no idea what I'll do.
I've been taking my mind off it with some wordwork..... building a workbench and designing a new viv for my little snake
Also been doing more sports and things, did a 10k run on Sunday, never done anything like that before. Was quite pleased to come in under an hour with no training.
Other than one rather crappy night out in some amusing places I've not done a lot.
I don't listen to music as much as I used too. I don't know why Maybe its because I'm in my "happy" cycle, so don't need the escapism as much right now..... I do need a new book though? any suggestions welcome??
I best sleep now.
Take care
Peace, love and happiness
Me
x
How's it going???
Work has been really bad these last few weeks, normally its the managers who are the problem.... this time it goes right to the top. If I were to follow the professional code of conduct I would need to resign.... but I can't afford that. Its a very fine line and I'm only just the right side, as soon as that is crossed then I have no idea what I'll do.
I've been taking my mind off it with some wordwork..... building a workbench and designing a new viv for my little snake
Also been doing more sports and things, did a 10k run on Sunday, never done anything like that before. Was quite pleased to come in under an hour with no training.
Other than one rather crappy night out in some amusing places I've not done a lot.
I don't listen to music as much as I used too. I don't know why
Maybe its because I'm in my "happy" cycle, so don't need the escapism as much right now..... I do need a new book though? any suggestions welcome??I best sleep now.
Take care
Peace, love and happiness
Me
x
