Holy crap, whose been dead in a ditch for the past few months...?

My bad. I seriously just got lost in the blur of life. But all is wonderful and despite a few down and out moments, I'm absolutely grand. My birthday was great, Thanksgiving was wonderful, my omma was home. Christmas was so so, but I spent it with a friend and her family that was awesome. We played video games and I crushed her at Mario Kart Wii, which she thought she was amazing at. lol. I destroy peoples hopes and dreams like that on accident! New Years Eve was sort of lame because it snowed and I didn't want to leave the house, cause there were like hundreds of accidents. Don't believe me...
There was a video on facebook of about 3 car accidents on one road, and as the guy was videoing it safely from the side of the road, one of the accidents become a 20 car pile up. In less then 8 minutes... It was bad and that wasn't a bad street.

I'm really excited for this new year. I'm taking a new lease on life and I'm really excited on how it will play out. Not as a testing sort of thing, but a lets compare the new year to my last 22 years. lol.

It looks like I will be moving. Wait no scratch that. I will be moving to Seattle this year! I'm so excited I could die. Its funny because I've already started packing some things. My room is getting empty now that I have most of my nic-naks in boxes and such. So while I'm looking for a place in Seattle, my mom will be looking for her a new place to live as well. I'll then be taking a trip to London, which I need to plan out, and later a cruise! Oh and I'm going to the BMW Welt! No one understands my obsession for BMW's and finally I will be in the epicenter of it all in a way... I have a lot to do and I honestly can't wait till I can start making it happen. But for now I have to wait a little bit for my mother to come back home.

During all of that I have tattoos to get and clothes to buy, oh crap and furniture. Talk about being busy!

But for now, I'm relaxing and enjoying my time off, so to speak. I will be pretty darn excited to get started on this long list of things to do but for the most part a lot of it has been taking care of. Just the finer details.

I became a philosophy head again. Well rather I finally understand concepts that I was trying to understand when I was about 9-10.

Oh I fell in love with a guy. Well rather a picture of a guy.

I don't know if you can watch it here, cause some people don't like for you to embed things. lame.


I'm assuming he's bisexual.... Or maybe he just likes to pretend.


Umm that's about it. I'll try and be more existing from now on. lol.


toddles.

I'm in a good mood-ish. And I've made some decisions...

I put curlers in my hair last night.
This is how it turned out.



It's funny how sometimes I look so hot. It surprises me. Haha.

So I've decided that I don't want a relationship... so to speak. I want a guy, and I'm sure a guy cause I really don't want a girl right now... they never pan out with me... but I want a guy that I can hang out, and be free with. Like its alright for me to make out with him, sleep with him and such. If it were to grow into a relationship that's fine, but for now... I just want to still be me the one man nation. Maybe its possible. I'm a lot less attached in these sorts... So can I find someone like that? Some guy like that... And have him live in the same state as me? Distance is fine... to a point.

I'd also like for someone to just cherish me.
That would be nice. I feel like with the crap I go through with people, I should get one day and night of just affection. Its been too long.

I'm itching for things. Itching for things I can't really have unless things just change. And I want things to stay the same in a way with small change with bigger impacts so to speak.

I'm pondering on getting a bird. I haven't asked or really talked to anyone about it. Just browsing and considering the thoughts. Having a word would soothe the want that I have to have a bird and also a bat at the same time in a way. Sure it wont be a bat but they have similar qualities.

One of my favorite artists of this century came out with a book... and I wanted to get the limited edition version... but it seems that I just can't. So I don't know... I feel like a failure of a fan. Bah. I need to get a tattoo of his art then I wont feel so bad. Which is already what I planned, just without the fans.

I love you all's

Bahh. I've been so quiet lately.
And It was never my intent. Life has been so, typical lately.

I'm done with Nathan, I'm in school again, taking two classes, single and sort of loving it, got rid of a friend I didn't really want to but its for the best, actually getting back into art and well other stuff.
A lot has happened lately, but at the same time it doesn't really involve my life but the affairs of people around me who want to about it to me. I don't have any real drama of my own. Its a good thing though at times it occurs to me that I might be lonely.

SO.. I got an XBOX 360! I've been wanting one just never got one. Well I finally got one after a visit to Utah to visit my brother and his family and he made me play Call of Duty Modern Warfare 2. So I've been playing this game like a maniac. Love it. Other then that I have another Call of Duty, Final Fantasy 13, Halo and Halo 3 that I haven't started playing yet. Did I mention that my XBOX is just a sexy bitch! Xilia, what I call my XBOX is pretty damn hot. Ughh. Love her!

There is a guy I like. Well rather admire. He seems cool but no I haven't talked to him. So, its awesome. I miss the feeling of admiring someone. I miss when I had those too, but oh well you take what you can get.

Things are great. I'm feeling great. I feel like there is a good vibe in the air and I adore it.
Lets see what happens.
Wish my luck that its something great and beneficial.

Hello!

I've been unintentionally forgot to check into this place.

I'm pretty darn cute sometimes!

My hair colour is fading but honestly I wonder if this colour is ever gonna wash out...
I think I want to go with the Special Effects haircolour of Fishbowl.
Sample pictures on other people
That just if you want to see examples of the colour.
Though I don't know... I kinda want to go back to black. People have begun to get to me about this whole thing. Sure in no way shape or form is it normal see a girl with strangely coloured hair, but lately people laugh and or glare at me. I'm sorry I choose to express my individuality but damn... I really don't want to give this up, just the society I live in is so narrow minded it makes me feel like I really should ever try... And I already have self esteem issues as it is.

My birthday is coming up. Not really, its in September but I'm very excited about it. I don't know. I let my 21st birthday pass by me like nothing. I didn't even care. But I don't know now I'm excited to be turning 22, even if it is just an age. I'm glad to be getting away from 21. That crazy age where you should be out partying every night and such. Though I do go out on the weekends because of my new friend Maggie.

My tooth has seriously been bothering me. I'm afraid it might need to have a root canal. I know the tooth has a chip. At least that's the one I think the pain is coming from. It might just hurt from something I bit so if it doesn't stop tomorrow then I'll go to my dentist who doesn't scare me.

I had bubble tea for the first time ever today. I really like it. Though the boba stuff in it... I think that's how you spell it kinda weirds me out cause its so jelly like. But I do like it.
I'm weird so I took a picture of it.

So things have changed.

Drastically.
First off. 1. I'm happy but I'm also in the realization that I'm great at sabotaging myself.
2. I changed my hair. Seriously I changed my hair... epically.
Want proof? Alright!














I keep wanting to move though... Who wants to move with me? haha

So... I find it funny that I've been meaning to update this for days, and some how didn't.

I love this song!

I'm literally this song. I'm such a creeper you don't even know. I'm creepy. Mad creepy.
I'm serious. I even save people's pictures if I crush on them enough and save them in my "I wish i could meet them folder". Its weird, that I do it but yah. I stalk people. its funny. I wonder if they know.

So, I totally want to change my hair. I want it to be black on the bottom and then turquoise on top, about 3/4 of the hair. And then later add in some purple hair too it.

I finally got my car... Just like two days ago. I'm so glad. Its great. I named my car Silas. I love him. He's great. Got everything finished and refinanced. Feels good to be done.

I'm happy with my friends. I'm even happy with Nathan, even though we still aren't dating and he's being weird. I got a reference from a friend of his and a girl whose heard a lot about him. He's a good guy. I'm not going for the bad guy anymore. This ones good. So I'm pleased.
Only bad thing is that Tommy and I are fighting again. he's ready to move to New York and I'm not ready to let him go.

I'm ready for my next tattoo. I just need to save money for it and then find a new shop to get it done. I think I know where I want to go for this one though. Yay!

Remember to snack healthy when you drink alcohol guys... Haha
Love you to pieces. I'll be back soon.

Hello...

So have you ever been in that mood where you sort of want to sabotage something that could possibly be really good for you?
I'm pretty sure I'm doing that right now. Nathan and I haven't talked and I sorta freaked out when I saw that this chick that has bothered me with him before is supposed to hangout with him today. I don't know. I don't like not being with someone, fully. Cause while feelings still do what they want there really isn't anything to keep you two together, not that relationships hold true to that either.

Went to a hookah bar for the first time. That was grand. I would like to go back but, for now I can wait.

I miss having a vehicle very much, but in an ironic upset... I've become more popular without one. People are always coming to my house to get me now. I find it funny.

I meant to make this a photo blog but at the last minute I got lazy and didn't feel like it.
I'm not so happy these days. Small things and random conversations cheer me up, but nothing lasts. I wonder if anything actually lasts with me...

Should I give up on Nathan or should I just keep chasing that idea that seems to be fading away when I don't pay enough attention to it?
Should I go out so much or just try and calm it down on my girl night outs and go back to relaxing at home, like I used to be so comfortable with?
Could I ever properly get over that one guy?
Can I wait however many more days I have to wait until my replacement car arrives? Well I sort of have to wait anyway... DAMMIT.

Whenever will I get the balls to do a set already?!
But onto something that makes me very very happy.
Minus the Bear's new album is out and this the albums single.
I love Jake with his grizzly man look to him. Makes me giggle. But honestly.. I'd marry him in a second.
MINUS THE BEAR VIDEO
<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3

I'm having issues today and yesterday.
I don't know.

Body issues and such but I'm working on that. But mainly I'm sort of disconnecting from a lot of things and I'm not sure where I'm to reconnect myself.

Ever took a chance to say everything you just sort of held onto and then you get it out... To that person, you hid it from and deep down you know, its not going to come back and that saying it was just a mistake. That you're going to be crushed and they'll be fine. I know that, because I just did that... again.

I got this little guy:

Ain't he cute. That's about it for upping my mood.

I want to be with Nathan right now, cheer me up, and help me I guess forget about a guy that I got myself in trouble with, emotionally. He doesn't need to know. Or maybe he should. Just be told. I don't know.

I have a massive headache, I don't know.
I'm hurt and I'm tired. I'm lonely and I'm crying...
I'll post when i'm better.

I need to get back into yoga. Yes, that's my opening statement for this blog.

My car is being totaled, how fun. I need to find a new one. I trimmed parts of my hair and I'm sort of done taking a straightener to it. I finally got natural curls to happen. That don't look all odd. Not much to say really. I feel like every guy I once had a thing for has been relabeled to just plain lame/crap. Its sort of funny. I just don't care anymore about them and that is a great release.
I have some corsets on the way just for my back. I'm actually excited about that.
I've become a vinyl toy whore.
I think I'm going to try and make a ball jointed doll.
I'm pretty sure I still don't want to ever get married.
I often feel like I'm living life in a body that isn't mine.
I had a weird ass dream two nights ago. I feel like writing a short story about it, but would anyone read it...?

PICTURES! Cause this is a photo happy time I guess.

We should video chat sometime. Hahaha

I've come to this unfortunate understanding.

YOUTUBE VIDEO THAT SG DOESN'T WANT TO MAKE A VIDEO.... HRM

This is how I've been feeling lately and its all sorts of not fun. Not that I have anything against.... liking someone else far away but its... so difficult. But yah, that's my story, and its not just involving one person. I mean its only three guys but all of them are an ocean away. In fact, only one of them isn't on this site. We talk through an art site. 6'3", German, black hair, iPod always in pocket and gorgeous. As of late I've been spending hours just... daydreaming about them. Imagining their voices and the way they smell, how their hand gestures are and the way they smoke their fags, eat their food, and drink. Crazy right?! Like obsessive scary. I hate it, because I know for many reasons I can never have them. And yet my feelings decide to jump forward, so I get hurt when it really seems like its nothing. Damn you heart/feelings/emotions...

I'm trying to figure out what to do with my hair. I'm stuck on how to cut it. I still want it long, just Its all like not cut in a way that I want. I'll figure it out... eventually. Even gonna add in some pink, turquoise, and maybe purple. I sorta want to make it like the Cheshire cat. Haha Cause that's classy.

Got in another car accident. 3, in 3 years. I'm classy. This one was so my fault too, which is a first. Talk about fucking stress, taking over. I don't think my car is bad, but we will have to wait and see.

Can anything go right now? Apparently not. I'm sick and I'm sicker then I've ever been....
I'm gonna go geek out on some History Channel International, and then read some art related stuffs. Cause I'm a chic sort of geek.

So I have a crush on a new celebrity. Aaron Johnson. Can he be mine please?!



Star of KickAss. Good movie by the way. Next I need to see The Loser's cause I love Zoe Salanda.
I should see AVATAR... She's a voice in that... Hrm.

I hate life right now... How are you?