I'll try not get pissed off and such. Yah I'm border-lining right now. I'm not gonna go into it. Just... I wish for once, a guy would hear me. Me and my... needs and that I'm not dumb and being hopeful. If I see potential in us... I truly see it. I don't just sit and avoid the signs that we wouldn't work.
I just.... I want him and no one else, so what am I supposed to do when I can't get him, because he's being stupid...? Anywho, its Josh's birthday and I'm not really ready to handle it. I feel like drinking my worries away but I wont... cause that's not cool. I don't even know what I should do....I feel sick, these iron tablets make me really ill when I eat food. Its like an odd combination of wanting vomit and a tummy ache. Its not the usual sort of tummy ache and such... I'm trying to eat, but that's not really making it any better. It's like I'm reliving last night when I had a steak.
. I didn't do that but oh man... I was pretty damn sure I was going to. But I didn't, and I sort of prevailed. Only good thing was that the steak didn't have that overly meaty smell, its was more like spices and such. And I had broccoli and cream soup too, which helped me get it down.Which reminds me, did you know that sperm has protein in it...? I mean besides the obvious thought to it... yah.
So as of late, I have been looking around the world wide web for things for my house. Sort of premature, but I don't really care. I've been working on the bedroom for right now. And I realized that I'm addicted to IKEA. I'm got it pretty bad.
I love it though. It's really fun though. I'm sort of basing everything off of a series or a picture that I'm in love with. My bed room is based off this painting that I found on the internet done by this tattoo artist in California and best part of that is that I sorta forgot who she was. Great stuff. I just didn't save the page or anything, but I saved the painting. Has a lot of greens and browns in the picture and then high lights of white, pink, purple, and then bits of a rainbow. The painting is of a girl who for a long time and till today, I kinda strive to be. She has tattoos on her chest and neck, and she calls to me.
Then my living room is based off this anime/manga called Paradise Kiss. They have a sort of French romantic thing going on and I love it. I would like to make it more chabby chic, but I have the sofa set... Cause I've been drooling for this couch for years.
So that's for the living room. Hehe. I love it, though I will have to change the fabric and the wood type...
What?! I'm picky and I sorta know what I want.
Then for the kitchen I have a Mad Hatter tea party theme brewing. 
I can't help myself on that. I want stripped walls. Violet and lime green stripes. Yup I know... Kinda crazy right. Its meant to be.
Oh yah I have a crush on a gay guy. Well I have many crushes, but this one is certainly gay. I think its a good thing.
I don't care much that its a main stream song, cause its how I feel. With everyone, and anyone. Like... what do you want from me...? I'm trying, just give me some time. I know your good, and that I'll learn something from this... but I need some time. Feel like that? Cause that's something I have looming over my head all the time. I don't wanna be the disappointment to anyone. I don't like it when people don't like me in a way. Sometimes I just don't care but... other times, it can hurt. Like oh sorry I'm not good enough
Since none of you are my facebook friends, I need to post this creepy, disturbing thing that I wish I could get back on t.v. It was banned back in 1985. So tell me is it that disturbing. Specially if you were a kid watching it.
Lastly... I thought I'd plug myself, so to speak. Its my blog so hasn't that been what I've been doing anyway?
I did some drawing. One I'm completely in love with. Well I love all three of them but, well you be the judge.
That my character Pixie Ray. She's me, but different. Like for one... my boobs aren't that big, but its hard for me to draw small boobs.
The next two pictures piss me off. Well they are fine, but its for my doll/character with the shit tone of tattoos that I was working on named Oedipus. Well with the heavily inked picture i realized that he's got a lot in common with Josh. Like I unconsciously... did this to myself. I still love the character I created, just. I can't believe that I did that. Josh is in my bones and I want him out. *Yells at her bones*
So I noticed I do this ..... a lot. I know that gets annoying so I'll try and cease that action.
Love you guys. 
