My soul hurts. Seeing her today, she was so beautiful. Even more than I had remembered.What was the most painful was after all the legal wrangling, there was this awkward moment where she stuck out her hand with her lip quivering, her eyes full of unshed tears. I reached out and pulled her close, crushing her to my chest. It was incredible how quickly it all came rushing back. In that instant, despite all the months apart, I was home. Her head was pressed against her spot on my chest just like it did then. My arms wrapped around her and I whispered in her ear that I was sorry and that I didn't want this. That was when it all turned to shit. Those tears began to trickle down her face and I was nearly undone. We talked for a while longer about that beautiful little girl that we made and brought up keeping in touch and possibly trying to work things out.

There's a piece of me that wants nothing more than to try to rebuild a life together with her even as our marriage ends. What the fuck is wrong with me?

Well, it's been a while since I updated this thing so I thought I'd bring the world up to date on the doings of my modest life. I let the girl ink me up the other day. It was one of the most intimate moments I could share with someone. Actually it was about 3 and a half hours in the chair.

It'd been about 9 or 10 years since my last tattoo, so that first bite of the needle was a wake up call. After a little while though that blessed haze of endorphins kicked in and it was all good. I do have to admit though that the crook of my elbow hurt like a cast iron cocksucker. Apparently though I've become the world's biggest bleeder. Maybe I bled this much before and I just didn't notice it or something. I didn't get much more than a little kissy face time with her since her kids were there and she doesn't have a lock on the door to her home studio. It was still an incredible experience though. Knowing that she's marked me on the outside as well as on my heart makes me all warm and smooshy on the inside. gotta run for a bit. More to follow.

Sooo fucking bored! I've got to find work soon. I'm climbing the walls. I'm starting to get depressed at not being able to contribute much to paying the bills. I do have a little bit of good news however.I'm being sent to a leadership school and then I have my two weeks of guard training within a week and a half of each other. It will suck to be away from The Girl for that long, but most of that money should go towards getting a place with her. We've tentatively figured out a time frame to move in together.

She's the best thing that's happened to me. We complement each other so well it's a little spooky like when we are thinking the same thing at the same time even though we're 45 minutes away from each other. I can't wait to get her all to myself. I have plans for her. Very carnally explicit plans. Muwahahaha!

Hello world. Not much to report. Things are going--- Not badly, but there is certainly room for improvement. The relationship with The Girl is going very well. I despise the fact that getting to spend time with her is such a rarity, but that should be changing fairly soon. When it does all the world will know as I'll be screaming for joy at the top of my lungs whilst doing cartwheels naked in the front yard. There's even been serious talk of moving in together and possibly relocating to someplace more agreeable to our dispositions.

The other major part of my life is in agonizing limbo. The divorce trial is set for the 1st of March. If you read this, please send all the good thoughts and mojo you can my way. I'm so ready for all of this to be done.I'm tired of having it hanging over my head. Before that happens however, there will be a paternity test to make sure that the little person I've been raising for the last two years is actually my flesh and blood. As much as I hate myself for doubting, I have to know for sure. If she's not mine I can't raise her. I'm just not strong enough to look at that little face every day for the rest of my life and know that I was betrayed by someone I gave my heart to. Fucked up? Maybe, but I can't stand not knowing anymore. It eats at me in the quiet moments when I'm laying in bed.

So that's what's up with me. How are you?

Score! I got to spend the night with The Girl! It was wonderful. It was great to see that there's still some magic in the Dave wand. The Girl sure thought so. ^.^ She bragged to all her friends about it. My male ego is ten feet tall and bulletproof right now. Almost as good as the phenomenal naked time was the emotional bliss of getting to fall asleep next to her, even if only for a short while. It's too late for the safety net. I've fallen for her completely. I belong to her, from balls to bones, heart and soul.

The little person is doing great as well. All in all, life is pretty good.

So how are you?

Aaargh! Baby mama drama! Make it stop! Like I don't have enough to deal with right now. First I get laid off from work. Then I don't get to spend xmas with my daughter or the girl who's taken ownership of my heart. Now I get this shit?

You know some days I hope that there is a god. That way when I die and go before him to be judged I can pull him off of his celestial throne and throw a nice solid beating on him that will make baby jesus cry. Fuck! is it too much to hope that I could catch a break in my life? Apparently it is.

On the plus side of my life, the little person is doing great. She's up and tear assing through the house all the time. It seems like everyday there's a new word that she learned or something new that she's figured out. Things with The Girl are going well. I've fallen hard for her. We're doing pretty well given the lack of time spent together due to our conflicting schedules. We talk at every opportunity and I try to pamper her silly whenever I possibly can.

I can tell that she's a "one more" girl. Every time we see each other I want "one more kiss" or "one more" minute snuggling in bed, just "one more" second to hold her in my arms. I hope that we never get so complacent that we lose that.

So how's things on your end of life?

Well dear reader, so far so good with the girl situation. She and I are getting on superbly. The whole thing with her going to see the recruiters... Well I think that we'll burn that bridge when we get to it. For now we're content to simply enjoy the fleeting moments that we can steal together. She rocks my world. I didn't think that anyone could do that anymore.

Oh, and before you ask, yes the sex is phenomenal. I think that in a couple weeks I may get to partake of the first threesome. FFM if you must know. I'm a little nervous, but the girl is holding my hand and taking it slow with me. I told you that she rocks my world.