IPOD
RADIO
omg its fucking over forever. i love her so much. i'm dying right now. somebody help me please.
she's the love of my life. i want her back now now now now now now now NOW!
ughhhh. its AGONY.
somebody.
shoot the horse.
she's the love of my life. i want her back now now now now now now now NOW!
ughhhh. its AGONY.
somebody.
shoot the horse.
Birthday Plans
Current mood: excited
I've been inspired. I'm planning a trip to north country for my birthday. : )
*So far on the list of attractions*
Winchester House : San Jose - $28.95 (Grand Estate Tour)
Alcatraz Island : San Francisco - $31.50 (Night Tour)
Aquarium of the Bay : San Francisco - $15 (Adult Pass)
San francisco Blues Festival : San Francisco
Pier 39 : San Francisco - (Riptide Arcade, Turboride - 12.95, Sea Lions, San Fran Carousel - $3, Frequent Fliers - $10)
JapanTown : San Francisco
All Loops Double Decker Bus Tour (48 Hour Hop-on, Hop-off bus Pass) : San Francisco - $50 (Golden Gate Bridge, Union Scare, Chinatown)
*Hotels in consideration*
Sir Francis Drake Hotel on Union Square - approx. $200 (for 5 nights)
Fisherman's Wharf Inn - Aprrox. $200 (for 7 nights)
The Stanford Court : A Renaissance Hotel - Approx $250 (for 5 nights)
Mostly I wanna see San Francisco (obviously). I'll have about 10 days off (4 vacation days and 6 regular unscheduled days) though, so if anyone knows anything kewl I should check out in that are in that area let me know.
I project this trip is gunna cost about $500 (or $600) each including everything. Better start saving!
Current mood: excited
I've been inspired. I'm planning a trip to north country for my birthday. : )
*So far on the list of attractions*
Winchester House : San Jose - $28.95 (Grand Estate Tour)
Alcatraz Island : San Francisco - $31.50 (Night Tour)
Aquarium of the Bay : San Francisco - $15 (Adult Pass)
San francisco Blues Festival : San Francisco
Pier 39 : San Francisco - (Riptide Arcade, Turboride - 12.95, Sea Lions, San Fran Carousel - $3, Frequent Fliers - $10)
JapanTown : San Francisco
All Loops Double Decker Bus Tour (48 Hour Hop-on, Hop-off bus Pass) : San Francisco - $50 (Golden Gate Bridge, Union Scare, Chinatown)
*Hotels in consideration*
Sir Francis Drake Hotel on Union Square - approx. $200 (for 5 nights)
Fisherman's Wharf Inn - Aprrox. $200 (for 7 nights)
The Stanford Court : A Renaissance Hotel - Approx $250 (for 5 nights)
Mostly I wanna see San Francisco (obviously). I'll have about 10 days off (4 vacation days and 6 regular unscheduled days) though, so if anyone knows anything kewl I should check out in that are in that area let me know.
I project this trip is gunna cost about $500 (or $600) each including everything. Better start saving!
I'm worried. I'm beinging released from my current position in order to start my New bartending position on the 30th. But i haven't gotten my new schedule, uniform or badge yet. And I haven't really heard anything from my supervisors so I dunno whats going on. I guess i'll try to find out when I go to work tomorrow.
Other than that works okay except for the occasional annoyance of dealing with the dramatic people connected to the Loris fiasco. And the fact that I hate my position.
I have some horrible cramps right now.
I'm waist deep in old school pumpkins and its making me feel everything. They used to have that gift. I dunno WTF they're doing now, but it's lost the magic.
If you don't know what magic i'm talking about reference any song pre-"Gish". "Gish", "Siamese Dream" and then there are a select few from "Mellon Collie", "Adore", "Machina" and "Machina 2." I'm sorry "Zeigtgeist" fans. Its not for me. Although Ibought two copies and forced myself to listen to/like it, I know deep down it isn't what it should be. Siamese Dream is a fucking masterpiece. I know everyone loves Mellon Collie to bits but I feel like there were too many filler songs. I guess that's to be expected with a double album and Corgan had/has that "i shit gold" complex where he thinks everything he makes is pure genius so... But I really like SD and Gish. And there are a lot of B-sides that should have been released as singles. ...why am I talking about this? I dunno...Just listen to the older stuff and think about it.Kind of reminds me of the Korn scenario. They're going downhill as well. Atleast JD is still humble about it. He never had that rockstar "I am God" jerkface mentality that BC does. I think that's why I like him more. and their old school shit rips up the horribly redundant new shit they keep crapping out.
I remember when music was good. this shit is scary. nobody gives a fuck about anything but a catchy hook and short skirts or flasy chains n rings/cars whatever. who takes time to write good lyrics and melodies. nobody gives a fuck anymore. anybody can be a star. with technology and a boob job. ugh.
and i figured out that i like her just because i know its safe to. i know she wont hurt me, and if she did i'd recover. because i already have once. and i was way more invested then. so it wouldn't hurt nearly as much now. but on top of that i like her for all the same reasons i did before. and its kinda in the best place now. cuz i think we both feel the same in regards to where we're at. neither wants more or less. neither would have a hard time letting go and moving over. atleast...i wouldn't.
i love my moon. and somewhere deep down my moon loves me. i kinda miss my mom and my gran and my sis and my neices. yet i never call them. i really should. i really really should. I need to. very soon.
it's hot as hell today. i'm going to get a bigstick!
um...this blog is totally random.
I'm tired.
Also, confused. And confusing. Again.
I think I know why. I'm pretty sure - like 99.9% sure why.
But of course there's always that .1%.
If my guess is correct though, which it probably is, it will be worked out soon.
Backsliding. Is sneaky. Somehow it creeps up on you and you don't realize until you've slid back much further than you'd have liked.
Always be vigilant. In the fight. To move foward. Always moving foward.
No need to look back. No need to go back. As long as you can remember where you came from and why you left.
I remember.
Vividly.
There can be no mistaking it. The past should always remain in the past. People were meant to move foward. To move on.
I'm tired. In just about every sense of the word.
Merry-go-round. I'm not going foward if I keep coming back around to the same things, am I?
I have to wonder if I can trust myself not to betray myself. If I can trust myself at all. I've always known whats best for me, yet I don't always make the right choice. Why?
I feel compelled to destroy anything good in my life.
Simple.
Why, though?
Maybe i'm afraid to be happy. Maybe I don't know anything else. Maybe i'll just never know.
I won't stop trying to self-correct though. I know that. Correct myself.
I'm lonely. But I want to be alone. I want to be alone I just don't want to be lonely. Does that make sense?
I'm not in love. And I like that. For once I'm content with that.
The last girl, is inconsequential in my heart.
Twice I loved. Thus far.
The old girl, well I miss that one. I miss things about her I suppose. But I let her go. Whoever she was or whoever I thought she was or hoped she was/would be. Live and learn. Don't forget let go.
The older, is less important than I suspect she believes herself to be. I hold her dear, thats true. I just could never love her the same. See her the same. Want her in the same way. Nothing ever happens the same way twice. Once is all you get. If you get it again, it's more different than you could have imagined the first time.
I learned, that life gets better. If you want it to. Well no. If you make it better.
"If you don't like your situation, change it. If you can't change it, LEAVE IT. It's your fucking LIFE, man!"
You only get one. Then it's gone forever. No matter what you never got to do.
I see a clear direction to my life now. But I refuse to make plans. Plans always fail, because who can ever know what will happen tomorrow or in the next five minutes? All you need is direction. If you can't go through it, have to go around it, can't go around it, have to go under it sort of idea.
I have few friends. I used to wonder why. But it's easy to see when I step back and look at myself. The way that I am. I'm highly selective. If you are my friend, pat yourself on the back. Not because it's hard to be my friend because i'm too weird or something. But because you have met and/or exceeded a set of standards that most never will. You are the elite.
In the words of the great Miss Houston, "I'd rather be alone than unhappy."
What the hell would be the point anyway?
Time alone gives you time to think. To unweave the intricacies of yourself. Like a big knot of string. Slowly over time you figure out the puzzles.
It's daylight.
Also, confused. And confusing. Again.
I think I know why. I'm pretty sure - like 99.9% sure why.
But of course there's always that .1%.
If my guess is correct though, which it probably is, it will be worked out soon.
Backsliding. Is sneaky. Somehow it creeps up on you and you don't realize until you've slid back much further than you'd have liked.
Always be vigilant. In the fight. To move foward. Always moving foward.
No need to look back. No need to go back. As long as you can remember where you came from and why you left.
I remember.
Vividly.
There can be no mistaking it. The past should always remain in the past. People were meant to move foward. To move on.
I'm tired. In just about every sense of the word.
Merry-go-round. I'm not going foward if I keep coming back around to the same things, am I?
I have to wonder if I can trust myself not to betray myself. If I can trust myself at all. I've always known whats best for me, yet I don't always make the right choice. Why?
I feel compelled to destroy anything good in my life.
Simple.
Why, though?
Maybe i'm afraid to be happy. Maybe I don't know anything else. Maybe i'll just never know.
I won't stop trying to self-correct though. I know that. Correct myself.
I'm lonely. But I want to be alone. I want to be alone I just don't want to be lonely. Does that make sense?
I'm not in love. And I like that. For once I'm content with that.
The last girl, is inconsequential in my heart.
Twice I loved. Thus far.
The old girl, well I miss that one. I miss things about her I suppose. But I let her go. Whoever she was or whoever I thought she was or hoped she was/would be. Live and learn. Don't forget let go.
The older, is less important than I suspect she believes herself to be. I hold her dear, thats true. I just could never love her the same. See her the same. Want her in the same way. Nothing ever happens the same way twice. Once is all you get. If you get it again, it's more different than you could have imagined the first time.
I learned, that life gets better. If you want it to. Well no. If you make it better.
"If you don't like your situation, change it. If you can't change it, LEAVE IT. It's your fucking LIFE, man!"
You only get one. Then it's gone forever. No matter what you never got to do.
I see a clear direction to my life now. But I refuse to make plans. Plans always fail, because who can ever know what will happen tomorrow or in the next five minutes? All you need is direction. If you can't go through it, have to go around it, can't go around it, have to go under it sort of idea.
I have few friends. I used to wonder why. But it's easy to see when I step back and look at myself. The way that I am. I'm highly selective. If you are my friend, pat yourself on the back. Not because it's hard to be my friend because i'm too weird or something. But because you have met and/or exceeded a set of standards that most never will. You are the elite.
In the words of the great Miss Houston, "I'd rather be alone than unhappy."
What the hell would be the point anyway?
Time alone gives you time to think. To unweave the intricacies of yourself. Like a big knot of string. Slowly over time you figure out the puzzles.
It's daylight.
Fuck Yes!
I got the promotion. I'm a bartender! Yesssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss!
OMG. i just got back fromt he interview. I was soooo nervous and I was almost late. Hehe. But I made it.
The interviewer's name was Josh Marshall. And I love him forever now.
There was a point where I was about to cry...He asked me if I had experience and I explained that I had never worked as a bartender but Blah Blah and I knew that the position wouldnt require me to make drinks at first (I'll be on grave shift to start and we don't sell alcohol fron 1:15am til 10am) and he looked at me like "Why the fuck did you apply then?". Then he said he couldn't hire me. OMG I was crushed.
Then he asked me if I was interested in barback. And I said yes, because I knew that was better than nothing. And then he asked if I knew someone who worked there (probably still trying to figure out why I bothered applying) and I said that I actually worked there! And then he said "OHHH THAT CHANGES EVERYTHING!!!! I didn't know you worked here. No one told me and It doesn't say on your application. Yes, I can hire you!"
Then he did. I'm soooooo freaking happy.
Some of you already know this but I will be having many many sampler parties to practice making drinks in the coming months. So if you drink, come along and bring your friends!
Today is a good day.
I got the promotion. I'm a bartender! Yesssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss!
OMG. i just got back fromt he interview. I was soooo nervous and I was almost late. Hehe. But I made it.
The interviewer's name was Josh Marshall. And I love him forever now.
There was a point where I was about to cry...He asked me if I had experience and I explained that I had never worked as a bartender but Blah Blah and I knew that the position wouldnt require me to make drinks at first (I'll be on grave shift to start and we don't sell alcohol fron 1:15am til 10am) and he looked at me like "Why the fuck did you apply then?". Then he said he couldn't hire me.
OMG I was crushed. Then he asked me if I was interested in barback. And I said yes, because I knew that was better than nothing. And then he asked if I knew someone who worked there (probably still trying to figure out why I bothered applying) and I said that I actually worked there! And then he said "OHHH THAT CHANGES EVERYTHING!!!! I didn't know you worked here. No one told me and It doesn't say on your application. Yes, I can hire you!"
Then he did. I'm soooooo freaking happy.
Some of you already know this but I will be having many many sampler parties to practice making drinks in the coming months. So if you drink, come along and bring your friends!
Today is a good day.
We Fucked Again.
Things are getting stale and kind of shitty.
My account is overdrawn by $18 but of course that's 3 overdraft charges, which are $37 each. Nice.
I have no idea whats going on as far as my promotion. I REALLY need to get this job. I need the hours and the money and the title and the experience. I will try to find out wtf is up when I go to work tonight.
My second job is shot to shit. They apparently thought I had open availability when they hired me which is BULLSHIT because I told them I have another job and the hours I work at the INTERVIEW. So, they are probably going to fire me. I'm just going to quit when I go in to get my check. Goodbye discount. I loved you so.
Now, I need to look for another job number 2. If I get the promotion I wont need 2 jobs though. [PLEASE GOD]
Moving to OC is out of the question now because I'm trying for this promotion and I just got benefits. So now I want to stick around here. Not here, here. But here, close to my job. I want my own place. A studio apartment. Where I can be alone. And when I get lonely I can have a guest keep me company.
I wanna run away and never say goodbye.
[DONT FAIL ME NOW]
Whatever it is that does that thing that gets done, please do your thing now. 'C'mon do your stuff.
[PLEASEANDTHANKYOU]
Things are getting stale and kind of shitty.
My account is overdrawn by $18 but of course that's 3 overdraft charges, which are $37 each. Nice.
I have no idea whats going on as far as my promotion. I REALLY need to get this job. I need the hours and the money and the title and the experience. I will try to find out wtf is up when I go to work tonight.
My second job is shot to shit. They apparently thought I had open availability when they hired me which is BULLSHIT because I told them I have another job and the hours I work at the INTERVIEW. So, they are probably going to fire me. I'm just going to quit when I go in to get my check. Goodbye discount. I loved you so.
Now, I need to look for another job number 2. If I get the promotion I wont need 2 jobs though. [PLEASE GOD]
Moving to OC is out of the question now because I'm trying for this promotion and I just got benefits. So now I want to stick around here. Not here, here. But here, close to my job. I want my own place. A studio apartment. Where I can be alone. And when I get lonely I can have a guest keep me company.
I wanna run away and never say goodbye.
[DONT FAIL ME NOW]
Whatever it is that does that thing that gets done, please do your thing now. 'C'mon do your stuff.
[PLEASEANDTHANKYOU]
Girls, Girls, Girls...
General Update
Dude, in other news...I went to Tabbs house alone for the first time in a year and a half and we wound up getting it on. It was freaking great but I think it was a mistake. Um..yeah. She's girl number 1 in the Girls Girls Girls list.
And yeah they all have read that list.
I went to Long Beach Pride it was fun and got loads of pics...which I will put up eventually. swear. When I get time. lol.
<3
