So. Lots of things have been changing around here. I kind of like the changes, as I understand them. But then again, I'm not a SG, and I don't really have to worry about shooting a set that I KNOW is worth $100.

I still want to be a SuicideGirl. I've got to talk to my boyfriend about it. He was all for it, but now that I'm seriously getting to the point of shooting a set, he's changing his mind. I understand, but I don't think he understands why I want to be on this site.

I know my friends love me, and my family, and I get on with everyone at work really well. It just seems like they always put up a buffer when we go places or are introducing me to someone new. Say things like, "She's different, but you'll like her." "She's unique, be prepaired." or something like that. Like they have to distance themselves from me, talk about how yeah, we hang out, but I'm not like her. This community not only accepts me, but appriciates(sp?) me.

I don't get that anywhere else. I'm from a tiny town, and there is noone else around here that really gets me. This place is kind like a safe haven. Where I can come be me, and not feel like I have to censor myself. I don't want to use this site to further me into modeling or get my name out there. I want to be appriciated for me, and I think this site is the place for it. Plus I like being naked, playing dress up, and having my picture taken.

So, the lovely Remi Sucide is no longer a Sucidegirl.

She asked what would happen if she was to become archived, in an e-mail. Got no responce, but hey, now she knows huh?

How fucking dumb.

I miss Remi.

Mikey drawing on my foot.



Starting from my ankle, it says, "My Life", then "Unique" and "Hot" by my toe.



The banner at the top reads "Miss Penny Lane". That's what all his friends call me and they bow to me as they say it. lol



Under the banner it says "My Love" and on the side of my foot he wrote "Mike + Penny".

I fucking love it!



I fucking love HIM!

Great weekend.



He's my Guitar Hero. LOL There was suppose to be a tourni at Badlands, but it didn't happen. Some kids came over to us when we were bowling and told Steve and Mike, "You guys are awesome at Guitar Hero!" There is a Barmaid there who likes my Mikey. She made him a drink and asked if it was alright as she was walking by. He told her yes and a differnt barmaid came to clear away our empty glasses. Mike said to Steve as the girl who likes him, Holly, was walking away "She totaly wants my cock." The girl clearing away our glasses asked, "Did you just say she's hot?" LOL. Mike said no and Steve about choked on his drink. She said, "Its okay, she's like my sister." We all laughed. Mikey left a picture Clinton drew of a Mike having sex with Holly......lol. Mike wrote Mike and Holly in between "his" legs. LOL

He gave me a "tattoo" in ink pen when we got to Sonny and Trev's. I would put pictures up, but its taking too long. Next time. It is really sweet.

I'm dumb. Mike is the best thing to ever happen to me.

No doubt in my mind. I love him, and for whatever reason, he loves me back.

We lost our quality rating at work. Don't know if we will be getting ANY new work for a year, at least. Might be out of a job come June/July. If not, than my job is going to be hell. Have Ford enginers watching my every move for three months.

I can't worry about that right now.Got some other things on my plate.

Have no idea what is happening with Bob. I might be visiting him in prison soon. It will be like a family reunion if he goes to Jackson. I could even see an ex-boyfriend! Fun!

Well, love and peace folks.

In really great news, I found red boots that I really like.





They are both under $60 too! Sweet!

I need all of this.........


To Die For.....that's what it says.


Awesome spiderweb pencil skirt.


These pants are the most amazing pants I've ever seen in my life. I need them!


Those gloves


Western inspired shirt with spiderwebs....does it get any hotter?


What can I say? I love gooollldddd!


Tripp fucking boots! They would be sooo fucking sweet with ribbon laced through them!


IRON on the right hand, FIST on the other.


These would be so fucking cute with a short skirt, thigh high fishnet and a garter belt.


The cross reads "Pray for a good tattoo"


Fucking hot!!!!


I need both the pants and skirt in the leopard print.


The red dress makes me drool......


And guess what......I can't buy any of it
I'm bugeting and saving money for a huge backpiece that I'm getting in November. Which will be so worth it, and I'm super excited, but I'm giving up buying clothes, shoes, make-up, some maginzine subscriptions, not getting a new phone, cutting back on the texting, and subscriptions to sites on the web......hope it doesn't come down to giving up SG...I'm too addicted.
I can't afford ciggie-butts until Friday, and I just have enough money left (after I make my car payment and put money into savings) for gas to get to work and back next week. Cutting back on traveling too, and food. However beer and ciggies are still top priority, and I'm not going to stop going out, though I won't be buying so much at the bar (I have a purse ).
This is going to be hard. I'm keeping track of all the money I'm spending and how much I'm getting saved. Right now it looks like I might have to cut back on going to see my Mikey *cry* I'm spending about 30-40$ on gas in one week!!! I haven't spent that much since I was driving the van 300 miles ever week, and I've got a car now! Work is only 11 miles away, I shouldn't be needing that much gas.

In other news I'm gauging my ear lobes Yeay!

Not all that big and kind of boring as of now, but I'm working on it. My other ear is infected....I was sick, and kept stretching them anyway. That was a mistake. It hurts so bad, I've still got a horseshoe in it, the same gauge (kind of, I bought discount plugs, the guage is a bit off....they are a tab bit bigger than my gauge card shows they should be) as the other ear.
Oh! and Steve is going to pierce Mikey's right ear so he can gauge both. I like what he's got going right now (he has his left lobe pierced twice, with two pinchers in, 8 guage), but I could dig both lobes gauged on that boy. He want to get fours in both. I bought an amazing set of calor style tapers so he's just going to use them. Fun Fun!!!

My Steph and Mikey and me too



We are touching her tits because the rule of the night was you must play with boobs that are as big as your head...and girl has tits that are like EE.....no joke. HUGE!

For the past week we've been talking about religion and Christmas at work.

Someone really asked me, "Wait, you don't celebrate Christmas because you're not Christian?" What? Is the meaning of "Christmas" (yes, I know, they took pagen tradition and turned it "Christian") is really that lost? We are really that lost? I know this person celebrates Christmas, because I got a Christmas card from them. So...I don't get it. Do we really just do things, because that's what's to be done? We don't know why?

How disheartening (sp?).

I know that I do the same, when it comes to some things. Like eating out, it is hard to find vegan food, so I just order whatever. I suck.

I don't want to anymore. Its just hard. Growing up, doing the right thing, being youself....its all so hard. All well worth it, I know. I don't want to be lost. I don't want tradition for the sake of tradition. I want to have meaning in my life, and I'm so sad that I'm not living up to what I can be.