Well it's been about a week since my surgery and I hate to say this but there really hasn't been much change in my urgency or frequency. I'm also still getting up in the middle of the night a lot to use the bathroom. So the surgery was a complete bust. I'm really upset about it. I need a break from the pain and to sleep. Not to mention the other crap I have going on right now. My lovely mother decided to pop up at the most perfect time............ I never though I'd be able to hate my own family. But I hate her. I hate the way she makes me feel. I cannot continue to let her hurt me anymore. I told her to leave me alone. Then she gave my phone number out to a woman that was a social worker at this group home I was in as a young teen. I was there because my mom was "tired" of taking care of me and wanted to party more. I need to find a place to move into by the 1st of June. Andy is going out of town this week. I'm not sure how I'm emotionally handling that. I know I'll miss him. Not that we're living together anymore and I see him everyday. But just knowing he won't be 20 minutes down the street is anxiety inducing.


I JUST WANT A FUCKING BREAK DAMNIT!

Surgery went well. I was told I have no ulcers or cancer in my bladder, but it is pretty small. I am now at home and recovering. Thank you all for your support, love and prayers. They've helped a lot.

I have official diagnosis of fibromyalgia. I've been put on medication. It's not really doing much of anything yet. I've been in bed the entire day because I can barely move. My shoulders are so knotted and stiff that I cannot lift my arms over my head without being in agonizing pain. I feel so entirely helpless. and hungry. heh.

I've learned a lot throughout life. One thing for sure that I've learned is that holding grudges destroys you. Letting go and forgiving feels good. Like a giant weights been lifted. I've come to terms that the woman that gave birth to me will never be my mother. But good things came from that, I learned how to be a better mother. But that's just one example. Another one is the divorce with my ex husband...........if you're my friend you know what happened there, no need to go into details. Forgiveness for him is harder, but it's happening.

Next month I am going to a Rheumatologist to get tested for fibromyalgia. I've been in a ton of pain lately that is not connected to IC.

I also recently found out I have a pretty shitty bladder disease called interstitial cystitis which has been EXTREMELY hard to live with. Lots of late night ER trips and hospitalizations. In May I am having surgery. A hydro bladder distention, they're also going to look for open wounds (hunners ulcers) and biopsy to check for the big C word. I'm scared.

On the 16th I drove to LA to go pick up my most favorite person in the world ever (besides Andy and Livvi) and so far my birthday week of awesome has been AWESOME! St Patty's day was AMAZING, we threw a party at the house and there was SO much amazingness going on.

The next morning I went and got my nails did......Hello Kitty style! Going to the nail salon with no sleep is a REALLY interesting experience
We actually didn't go to bed (to sleep LOL) 'Til the next evening.

My birthday's coming up, so is Livvi's. If anyone feels like getting us anything. Here's ourWishlist




<3

This body gave birth to one of the most amazing 2 year olds I know, and it is damn sexy too!!! I am so happy to finally have (somewhat) my body back. I am going to start modeling again soon. \\\


My baby is not a baby any more