IPOD
RADIO
I have 4 tests this week in the following courses: Statistics, Genetics, Geography, Chemistry. I have failed the 1st 2, and am nervous as all fuck about the last 2. I am such a terrible student its not even funny. I just cannot study. My body refuses. It locks up and I cannot move. I can stare at a book for hours, and not open it. When I finally manage to open it, I cannot go more than a few paragraphs before I have to look away.
This is perhaps one of my biggest flaws, and something I really need to correct. not just work on, but actually fix forever. I am looking at almost 7 more years of schooling and 3 years of residency so this is just unacceptable. I will have this fixed by monday, I have too.
*Update* I did the very worst in the class on my genetics test scoring only a 40%, and I did the very best in my geography class scoring 100% I hate testing lol
This is perhaps one of my biggest flaws, and something I really need to correct. not just work on, but actually fix forever. I am looking at almost 7 more years of schooling and 3 years of residency so this is just unacceptable. I will have this fixed by monday, I have too.
*Update* I did the very worst in the class on my genetics test scoring only a 40%, and I did the very best in my geography class scoring 100% I hate testing lol
today I tested my 2 page wargame ruleset with my friend TJ and it went much better than I could have hoped. I am now very excited for this ruleset!
It appears that one of the perks of getting older is that the wonderful feeling of jealous rage now comes with heartburn 
My jealous rage and heartburn has disappeared as the girl in question has become an open supporter of McCain
My jealous rage and heartburn has disappeared as the girl in question has become an open supporter of McCain
Today I got my replacement cell phone for free and without a hitch, if only getting books for school went the same way lol
Today at about 6:30 am the weekend that started so shakely at a party on saturday ended very nicely 
I have been feeling a lot of mixed emotions since friday, the day I got my bits box back. So much of what was contained in that box comes from a time before my innocence was taken, and my dreams smashed. Looking in the box at the items contained within, items that I had spent many an hour pondering what was the best way to use them, has been like looking at photos of a healthy me. Its like I have been sick for so long, that I forgot I was sick, and then someone handed me pictures of me before I was sick. Sure I am not as sick as I used to be, but I am not nearly as healthy as I was.
So much of who the people on SG know as Oninotaki is a direct reaction to the way my fiancee, dream job, and friends treated me from the ages of 17-19 that I am just starting to find out who I really am, as opposed to just how I react to how the world treats me. I don't remember much from those years, between the late late hours that my job demanded that I keep, to the absurdly early hours that my girlfriend would wake me up at. It was almost like they where conspiring to drive me mad. On the one end my job was exploiting me, under paying me, and accusing me of all sorts of falsehoods, and on the other my girlfriend was assaulting me, raping me, and stealing what little money I did make that my job didnt insist I spend on their goods. My friends abandonded me thinking I had abandonded them for my job, and my woman while my parents ignored me thinking I needed space as established my place in the adult world. I was all alone as the two things I loved most, heaped abuse after abuse upon me. Had I not run awayto a santuary, and found SG shortly there after I cannot even begin to imagine the state of mind I would be in.
It seems so odd to me that a box of bits can contain so much emotion and memories inside, but it has taken this box for me to realize that I am not just growing, but also still healing from the abuses of my past. It is a very difficult thing in life to have everything you have ever wanted and to have it treat you like shit in return...
So much of who the people on SG know as Oninotaki is a direct reaction to the way my fiancee, dream job, and friends treated me from the ages of 17-19 that I am just starting to find out who I really am, as opposed to just how I react to how the world treats me. I don't remember much from those years, between the late late hours that my job demanded that I keep, to the absurdly early hours that my girlfriend would wake me up at. It was almost like they where conspiring to drive me mad. On the one end my job was exploiting me, under paying me, and accusing me of all sorts of falsehoods, and on the other my girlfriend was assaulting me, raping me, and stealing what little money I did make that my job didnt insist I spend on their goods. My friends abandonded me thinking I had abandonded them for my job, and my woman while my parents ignored me thinking I needed space as established my place in the adult world. I was all alone as the two things I loved most, heaped abuse after abuse upon me. Had I not run awayto a santuary, and found SG shortly there after I cannot even begin to imagine the state of mind I would be in.
It seems so odd to me that a box of bits can contain so much emotion and memories inside, but it has taken this box for me to realize that I am not just growing, but also still healing from the abuses of my past. It is a very difficult thing in life to have everything you have ever wanted and to have it treat you like shit in return...
Just when I thought this last week couldnt get any better it does! Yesterday I got back a very personal item that I had been without for the last eight years and I thought had been lost to the sands of time. What is that item you ask? Well its my bits box, a box of spare parts for all sorts of models/toy soldiers. Its a box whos contents tells an aweful lot about the person who owns it. It turns out that my amazing friend Josh has been holding on too it for me all these years after we both got fired on the same day from the same toy soldier company. He held onto it for me because I swore I would go cold turkey and never play with toy soldiers again. He understood what kind of rash desicion that was and he held onto for me, untill such a time that he saw that I was yearning for it again. That time has been over this last year at university. just last week I was looking at my new tiny bits box wishing I had my old bits box, and this week I do
Long story short, they say you can never go back home again, but sometimes you can look at the photos 
Long story short, they say you can never go back home again, but sometimes you can look at the photos
OCTOBER 2008