I feel like every time I write a blog it's nothing but misery, and every time I'm miserable I consider my options of leaving this place.
When I do this I can picture certain people saying "good, get the fuck out of here RETARD!!!!" maybe those are the people that should inherit SG as a whole. Do they deserve it? Probably not, but over the ages we've always awarded the selfish and confident. Or perhaps more fitting, they've always rewarded themselves as they believe they are entitled.
SG is what it is, a blog, a site, pics of girls, the chat, it was a place where I thought I could change things for me, like the minority or majority... because I really don't know what the fuck other peoples motivations are for being here, I thought this place would be the key to me finding.... whatever it was I needed to fill the empty gaping vast of nothingness. But this is not the case.
I've been here almost a year and a half and I still don't feel like I've made any progress, talking is hard being interesting is hard, it's hard to draw upon the good points when you're so negative. Sure we've shared a joke, had a few laughs, and I've called you my friend, but have we really ever bonded? (One of you I speak to almost every night, you know who you are I guess so thanks for listening) but for some of you I'm just that 'fun loving, oft troubled individual' which is a sort of fair assessment, or I'm that annoying prick who's always trying to be funny, and always failing.. Which is equally as true. I'm a nice but dumb, fuck up.
I have no idea how much longer I intend to stick around, but I've been feeling distant more and more over the last few weeks, theres like 4-5 people I look forward to seeing from time to time, but I generally don't feel like talking pointless banter at this time.
When I do this I can picture certain people saying "good, get the fuck out of here RETARD!!!!" maybe those are the people that should inherit SG as a whole. Do they deserve it? Probably not, but over the ages we've always awarded the selfish and confident. Or perhaps more fitting, they've always rewarded themselves as they believe they are entitled.
SG is what it is, a blog, a site, pics of girls, the chat, it was a place where I thought I could change things for me, like the minority or majority... because I really don't know what the fuck other peoples motivations are for being here, I thought this place would be the key to me finding.... whatever it was I needed to fill the empty gaping vast of nothingness. But this is not the case.
I've been here almost a year and a half and I still don't feel like I've made any progress, talking is hard being interesting is hard, it's hard to draw upon the good points when you're so negative. Sure we've shared a joke, had a few laughs, and I've called you my friend, but have we really ever bonded? (One of you I speak to almost every night, you know who you are I guess so thanks for listening) but for some of you I'm just that 'fun loving, oft troubled individual' which is a sort of fair assessment, or I'm that annoying prick who's always trying to be funny, and always failing.. Which is equally as true. I'm a nice but dumb, fuck up.
I have no idea how much longer I intend to stick around, but I've been feeling distant more and more over the last few weeks, theres like 4-5 people I look forward to seeing from time to time, but I generally don't feel like talking pointless banter at this time.
I feel done in, the past 3 weeks I have not known a day where I've finished before 5pm,. in the normal 8-4 office universe this fucking sucks thai ladyboy dicks in the planet of anal prison buggery.
I'm just sick and tired of everything, I hate life, it seems to have its share of hate for me. I always feel exhausted when I come home and I am fed up of having no place to be, nothing to do, theres nothing to do in or around birmingham that doesn't seem to involve getting drunk and being an annoying fucktard.
Counterpoint sort of: I'm going to watch the Evil Dead on friday (if I can leave work at a reasonable time, that is) with a handful of friends, this will be the first time I've been to the fucking cinema with these guys since iron man back in 2008, that's not really a social event though really is it, sitting in a darkened room staring at a screen for 90 mins, I do that every fucking night!
So life sucks, my job sucks, my social life sucks, being ugly sucks (and something none of you will ever understand, lest you end up in a car crash, or have acid poured over your faces, touch fucking wood I pray none of those things ever happen to you.) I'm fed up people saying they'll be around, when they obviously aren't, I'm gonna delete kik cause non of ya`ll ever include me in conversations or anything anyway. I'm just so fucking done in all the time and angry all the damn time.
I'm just sick and tired of everything, I hate life, it seems to have its share of hate for me. I always feel exhausted when I come home and I am fed up of having no place to be, nothing to do, theres nothing to do in or around birmingham that doesn't seem to involve getting drunk and being an annoying fucktard.
Counterpoint sort of: I'm going to watch the Evil Dead on friday (if I can leave work at a reasonable time, that is) with a handful of friends, this will be the first time I've been to the fucking cinema with these guys since iron man back in 2008, that's not really a social event though really is it, sitting in a darkened room staring at a screen for 90 mins, I do that every fucking night!
So life sucks, my job sucks, my social life sucks, being ugly sucks (and something none of you will ever understand, lest you end up in a car crash, or have acid poured over your faces, touch fucking wood I pray none of those things ever happen to you.) I'm fed up people saying they'll be around, when they obviously aren't, I'm gonna delete kik cause non of ya`ll ever include me in conversations or anything anyway. I'm just so fucking done in all the time and angry all the damn time.
first day back at work and I'm already contemplating suicide in the near future.
I will never be as fast or as accurate as they want me to be, the only thing that stops them firing me is probably the fact I already have a contract and there's too much paperwork involved.
Work is bedlam at the moment, every day I'm working through lunch and leaving an hour later, and I'm not claiming the overtime because I can't meet 'their standards' in terms of productivity.
I've just come back in the shitteiest of moods and my mother asked me what I wanted to eat
Me: "whatever you want, I don't care, give me anything"
Her: "We haven't got any chips, I suppose I could do potatos"
Me: "fries, wedges, even the rostis I dont care"
Her "I don#t like those fries, we could have potatos and faggots"
Me "I really dont care, I'll eat whatever you cook, if shit were an option I'd eat it"
She then walks out and says "no wonder my blood pressures' up"
Really though, what part of me not giving a fuck what cheapo supermarket brand of intoxication, gristle and fat does she not understand? Yes there are people with worse lives than me, but I don't live their life, I live my life, its shit enough and unhappy enough and theres fuck all anyone can say to improve my narrow minded self importance and literally nothing anyone can do to improve my life either, if you can't improve on shit, don't you tend to demolish it?
I will never be as fast or as accurate as they want me to be, the only thing that stops them firing me is probably the fact I already have a contract and there's too much paperwork involved.
Work is bedlam at the moment, every day I'm working through lunch and leaving an hour later, and I'm not claiming the overtime because I can't meet 'their standards' in terms of productivity.
I've just come back in the shitteiest of moods and my mother asked me what I wanted to eat
Me: "whatever you want, I don't care, give me anything"
Her: "We haven't got any chips, I suppose I could do potatos"
Me: "fries, wedges, even the rostis I dont care"
Her "I don#t like those fries, we could have potatos and faggots"
Me "I really dont care, I'll eat whatever you cook, if shit were an option I'd eat it"
She then walks out and says "no wonder my blood pressures' up"
Really though, what part of me not giving a fuck what cheapo supermarket brand of intoxication, gristle and fat does she not understand? Yes there are people with worse lives than me, but I don't live their life, I live my life, its shit enough and unhappy enough and theres fuck all anyone can say to improve my narrow minded self importance and literally nothing anyone can do to improve my life either, if you can't improve on shit, don't you tend to demolish it?
I'd like to say I'm fashionably late in writing my blog regarding the meet, but I just have struggled to find the words in general.
I started off the day paranoid, and proceeded into the day ever more paranoid, because plans didn't go as planned, complications arose, but were overcame and safety ensured, I kinda owe Delmantus for that guiding me along the various underground routes and back. to Hodor for getting me to Waterfordman. who in turn got me where everyone was meeting but not before making me feel all worried like Colin Farrell in Phone Booth.
At this point I let out a sigh of relief that I wasn't even aware I had been holding back.
The rest of the day went super except I was still nervous as shit, I don't think I've ever had to pee soo much in my life, normally it takes alcohol for my bladder to not work quite so well. And i reggretted not cutting my hair, or even styling my hair, or bringing a comb because throwing something on your scalp that looks like spermicidal lube with your fingers is probably never the best idea.
We all went someplace to eat, came back and slowly unwound, and then got read to head out, I told myself I wouldn't drink because I haven't had any since New Years...... and then about 15 mins later my inner self told me to shut up and ordered 2 Desperados. 2 because I hate waiting in bars so I figure 2 drinks = one less trip waiting, but actually because its london and everything is expensive, people don't go fucking moronic apeshit like they do in a Birmingham bar and so I never had to wait 15+ minutes to get served anyway.
A bit later into the night and the other half of the group finally shows up, I have to say Slenderman is one of the funniest people I've ever met, it took me all of 30 seconds to like him, I actually thought he was part of the SGUK group and not anyone I knew, besides he introduced me to 'Long Island tea' that I shall probably forever associate that drink with "makes me do stupid shit." We also meet people from the SGUK group and they were cool and decent too, everyone just gelled and got on with it.
It was a great night though slightly marred by some mild palava and I think that's all I should say. Next morning was fun, sitting half awake watching Dog the bounty hunter, sadly something I spent one of my previous holidays doing every morning (waiting for 8:30 am to happen so I could leave the hotel and go find places) Fianlly we all get up and go for one last meal and then we all part ways. Well not quite me spike2201, Slenderman and Salliss all head to spikes car for the ride back, yes I got a ride back and i didn't even have to "follow the rules of the road" a`la George Carlin so win win.
Final thoughts: It was just so nice to meet everyone, I think my perception of so many people has changed, they're not what I expected which is.... expected! but more shocking is how identical some people are to how they appear to be online, that's completely a good thing too.
I don't have a bad thing to say, which is a little bit shit, but only because I like to complain once in a while.
I started off the day paranoid, and proceeded into the day ever more paranoid, because plans didn't go as planned, complications arose, but were overcame and safety ensured, I kinda owe Delmantus for that guiding me along the various underground routes and back. to Hodor for getting me to Waterfordman. who in turn got me where everyone was meeting but not before making me feel all worried like Colin Farrell in Phone Booth.
At this point I let out a sigh of relief that I wasn't even aware I had been holding back.
The rest of the day went super except I was still nervous as shit, I don't think I've ever had to pee soo much in my life, normally it takes alcohol for my bladder to not work quite so well. And i reggretted not cutting my hair, or even styling my hair, or bringing a comb because throwing something on your scalp that looks like spermicidal lube with your fingers is probably never the best idea.
We all went someplace to eat, came back and slowly unwound, and then got read to head out, I told myself I wouldn't drink because I haven't had any since New Years...... and then about 15 mins later my inner self told me to shut up and ordered 2 Desperados. 2 because I hate waiting in bars so I figure 2 drinks = one less trip waiting, but actually because its london and everything is expensive, people don't go fucking moronic apeshit like they do in a Birmingham bar and so I never had to wait 15+ minutes to get served anyway.
A bit later into the night and the other half of the group finally shows up, I have to say Slenderman is one of the funniest people I've ever met, it took me all of 30 seconds to like him, I actually thought he was part of the SGUK group and not anyone I knew, besides he introduced me to 'Long Island tea' that I shall probably forever associate that drink with "makes me do stupid shit." We also meet people from the SGUK group and they were cool and decent too, everyone just gelled and got on with it.
It was a great night though slightly marred by some mild palava and I think that's all I should say. Next morning was fun, sitting half awake watching Dog the bounty hunter, sadly something I spent one of my previous holidays doing every morning (waiting for 8:30 am to happen so I could leave the hotel and go find places) Fianlly we all get up and go for one last meal and then we all part ways. Well not quite me spike2201, Slenderman and Salliss all head to spikes car for the ride back, yes I got a ride back and i didn't even have to "follow the rules of the road" a`la George Carlin so win win.
Final thoughts: It was just so nice to meet everyone, I think my perception of so many people has changed, they're not what I expected which is.... expected! but more shocking is how identical some people are to how they appear to be online, that's completely a good thing too.
I don't have a bad thing to say, which is a little bit shit, but only because I like to complain once in a while.
Should I stay or should I go, if I go there will be trouble, if I stay there will be double.
So the song goes, so my head goes! a guy can literally go crazy thinking about these things.
Gah!
I've got exactly one week to make up my mind, and my tickets already paid for, I've blown my friend off (not like that you pervs). and pretty much told him I wouldn't be around for our regular weekend dvd marathons... he even took the liberty to print me how to get from Euston station to the underground to catch the train... so I'm expected to go from his perspective, and even my mom and other people who would scold me for spending money on something I'm backing out of.
Time to write up a few pros and cons I guess
Pros:
1) I'd get to meet some of the people I like from chat.
2) I'd get to attend the SGUK meet, though I feel slightly like a hypocrite as I'm not a member of the group.
3) I'd get to claim self independence in travelling somewhere on my own
4) It'd make a for a slightly different weekend.
Cons:
1) High likelihood of getting lost or mugged whilst travelling along
2) what if I don't like people, or just as expectable if not more likely, they not like me, and if that's the case I'd feel uncomfortable having to share a room with them.
3) I'm all pumped to go, and then when I get there I develop my usual sense of self worthlessness and spend the duration mulling in self insecurity, especially when witnessing everyone else getting on so well and leading to con '2)'
So I have more pros than cons,. but the cons are kinda deep seated and always on my mind, especially that last one, it sucks being ugly and it. You can only sugarcoat the facts so many times before you stop believing your own lies.
I need a few more days to think this through.
So the song goes, so my head goes! a guy can literally go crazy thinking about these things.
Gah!
I've got exactly one week to make up my mind, and my tickets already paid for, I've blown my friend off (not like that you pervs). and pretty much told him I wouldn't be around for our regular weekend dvd marathons... he even took the liberty to print me how to get from Euston station to the underground to catch the train... so I'm expected to go from his perspective, and even my mom and other people who would scold me for spending money on something I'm backing out of.
Time to write up a few pros and cons I guess
Pros:
1) I'd get to meet some of the people I like from chat.
2) I'd get to attend the SGUK meet, though I feel slightly like a hypocrite as I'm not a member of the group.
3) I'd get to claim self independence in travelling somewhere on my own
4) It'd make a for a slightly different weekend.
Cons:
1) High likelihood of getting lost or mugged whilst travelling along
2) what if I don't like people, or just as expectable if not more likely, they not like me, and if that's the case I'd feel uncomfortable having to share a room with them.
3) I'm all pumped to go, and then when I get there I develop my usual sense of self worthlessness and spend the duration mulling in self insecurity, especially when witnessing everyone else getting on so well and leading to con '2)'
So I have more pros than cons,. but the cons are kinda deep seated and always on my mind, especially that last one, it sucks being ugly and it. You can only sugarcoat the facts so many times before you stop believing your own lies.
I need a few more days to think this through.
What a fuckingCockshitcuntbagmothelickingToeJamOutHerscrawnyasscrackballsack day this has been.
That is all...
Except it's not, I spent most of my morning at work feeling like a prize asshole, yes I'm thick, yes I'm stupid, you can take over from because I've only been training for a week and can't remember what codes I need to specify what conditions i'm returning this unapplied payment. so what the fuck do I know about anything, feel free to take over I'll just go fuck myself in the mouf like Derpy McDickface!
I'm just a thick, uneducated, unacademic, unclever, un.....well everything!
Shallow end of the gene pool, I feel like i was 300 miles off target of said pool and dropped in the fucking Mojave desert!
So I feel like shit, and I got people hating my guts, an I think even my work friends hate my guts so double fucking whammy. And now for something completely appropriate and pointless.
And then whatever disgruntled shit people had against me in the morning turned out this one thing was not my fault but I spend all day feeling like crap.
I sort of picked up a little bit after work, I went to the Chinese Supermarket, let me elaborate I used to go to this one place and they had noodles and frozen tofu and all other stuff, and then late last year they c losed their store, I haven't had Ramen since October.... and I heard about this other place which is about 5 mins away, its always been there and I never knew about it, so I went in, BEAMING scoping the shelves, this was also like my 3rd attempt at finding the place so I was kinda please as punch about that. So I have a bag full of noodles and soy protein drinks, and chrysanthem tea and I'm ready to get my Ram-ON for the first time in forever.
But I tried to take a shortcut, and i'd have been better of f just backtracking, I got lost, very lost... in an area I've lived in for the last 30 years, ended up walking to a bus stop and waiting for a bus.... on the wrong path, I needed the out of the city bus route, so I spent 20 mins walking out of the city, only to catch a bus back into it. Told you I was a fucking brainless bastard!
And I've just been uptight since I came on chat. Think I might avoid this place for a few days, it always has a way of making me feel bad about myself when I'm already scraping the barrel for redemption.
That is all...
Except it's not, I spent most of my morning at work feeling like a prize asshole, yes I'm thick, yes I'm stupid, you can take over from because I've only been training for a week and can't remember what codes I need to specify what conditions i'm returning this unapplied payment. so what the fuck do I know about anything, feel free to take over I'll just go fuck myself in the mouf like Derpy McDickface!
I'm just a thick, uneducated, unacademic, unclever, un.....well everything!
Shallow end of the gene pool, I feel like i was 300 miles off target of said pool and dropped in the fucking Mojave desert!
So I feel like shit, and I got people hating my guts, an I think even my work friends hate my guts so double fucking whammy. And now for something completely appropriate and pointless.
And then whatever disgruntled shit people had against me in the morning turned out this one thing was not my fault but I spend all day feeling like crap.
I sort of picked up a little bit after work, I went to the Chinese Supermarket, let me elaborate I used to go to this one place and they had noodles and frozen tofu and all other stuff, and then late last year they c losed their store, I haven't had Ramen since October.... and I heard about this other place which is about 5 mins away, its always been there and I never knew about it, so I went in, BEAMING scoping the shelves, this was also like my 3rd attempt at finding the place so I was kinda please as punch about that. So I have a bag full of noodles and soy protein drinks, and chrysanthem tea and I'm ready to get my Ram-ON for the first time in forever.
But I tried to take a shortcut, and i'd have been better of f just backtracking, I got lost, very lost... in an area I've lived in for the last 30 years, ended up walking to a bus stop and waiting for a bus.... on the wrong path, I needed the out of the city bus route, so I spent 20 mins walking out of the city, only to catch a bus back into it. Told you I was a fucking brainless bastard!
And I've just been uptight since I came on chat. Think I might avoid this place for a few days, it always has a way of making me feel bad about myself when I'm already scraping the barrel for redemption.
I'm back baby! BOOM!
hello, two very horrible things happened this week, someone did not close the front door properly, with the cold weather the door swells and my sister in law who has done this once before a few weeks ago left the door slightly ajar when she returned from whatever event they went to on the sunday. I awoke on Monday to find 2 of my bags missing, along with contents of said bags (ipod and kindle) but the theiving bastards also took the liberty to help themselves to my mothers laptop, her creative labs MP3 player and my PS3....
Now this was clearly a rush job and likely one person, they came in in the night, saw all this five finger discount shit on offer and saw the bags and decided to load up, I know this because they never took the power leads for the console, or the HDMI, just the base unit and the controllers, the games were next to the fucking thing and they left those, they didn't take the flatscreen TV, the dvd player or the Western Digital HD usb media player. Yes my plans monday night pretty much involved me wanting to die, or leave the door open and wait for any tom, dick or asshole to come through the door at daft o`clock to taste my pain.
Incidentally, this same day, my router stopped working, all the hard pwoer resets did not fix the issues, my brother got his net working directly so that usually means 'fuck you chris, we'll get yours sorted but we'll take it as slowly as possible' anyway new router came about an hour ago and w e've set it up, but h's not set anything up to customise so we're running barebones with password and everything automatic because he won't want me fiddiling to give everyone specific IP's....sometimes I swear when I live alone, it'll be awesome. Anyway net back, me back, thats good enough for now. Just need to save a few months so I can replace all the things I've lost.
hello, two very horrible things happened this week, someone did not close the front door properly, with the cold weather the door swells and my sister in law who has done this once before a few weeks ago left the door slightly ajar when she returned from whatever event they went to on the sunday. I awoke on Monday to find 2 of my bags missing, along with contents of said bags (ipod and kindle) but the theiving bastards also took the liberty to help themselves to my mothers laptop, her creative labs MP3 player and my PS3....
Now this was clearly a rush job and likely one person, they came in in the night, saw all this five finger discount shit on offer and saw the bags and decided to load up, I know this because they never took the power leads for the console, or the HDMI, just the base unit and the controllers, the games were next to the fucking thing and they left those, they didn't take the flatscreen TV, the dvd player or the Western Digital HD usb media player. Yes my plans monday night pretty much involved me wanting to die, or leave the door open and wait for any tom, dick or asshole to come through the door at daft o`clock to taste my pain.
Incidentally, this same day, my router stopped working, all the hard pwoer resets did not fix the issues, my brother got his net working directly so that usually means 'fuck you chris, we'll get yours sorted but we'll take it as slowly as possible' anyway new router came about an hour ago and w e've set it up, but h's not set anything up to customise so we're running barebones with password and everything automatic because he won't want me fiddiling to give everyone specific IP's....sometimes I swear when I live alone, it'll be awesome. Anyway net back, me back, thats good enough for now. Just need to save a few months so I can replace all the things I've lost.
I was listening to the radio the other day, when I heard "hanging by a moment" by Lifehouse and as it played, I was taken back to 2001.
Back then I was depressed, low confidence kind of guy, with no social life....my how times change!
But seriously, I was in really messed up place, I went to the doctors with depression and I got one booked session with a pyschotherapist and a weeks supply of Cipramil, they never told me to go back so I thought 'well they don't seem want to help me, fuck em' and I never did.
I spent an eternity in what can only be called unemployment limbo, going to bed at 5am, waking up at 11:00, hating my life, lounging around watching Blue Clues on Nick Jr. then going to restart courses, with a bunch of other people who could have been future Jeremy Kyle guests.... it really was not an uplifiting experience.
But through it all i had internet chat, paid for my by my brother because I was the scum sucking leech on society, and chat was a great escape for what was months of job searching, late nights and nothing but bleak reality. One of my friends of the time sent me a song, the same lifehouse song mentioned above, but then he sent me the acoustic version too, which to me sounded raw and more heartfelt. I I tried to get along with <BamBam> for the most part, but he was a bit egotistical too to boot, he had a (what was the fastest speed back then 1mb? 500k?) fast connection, while I struggled on borrowed dial up. He was also cocky and arrogant, traits that would eventually separate us completely, but for a while we had lifehouse. That and <Indigo'> she was a chinese girl much like Bambam (he was an hong konganese londoner by the name of Tim) and she was Lilly, not pronounced lilly, and not Lee-lee either. But her british name was Sarah.
The thing about being a depressed, low confidence kind of guy, is that you get very spiteful and hate-filled. Half of my battles with Tim ended with me raging, and getting kicked or banned, Sarah would try and calm me down and I just shat back in her face we'd connected so well on things, private things that you wouldn't tell a stranger, but here were were two kindred spirits in confidence until I was hurting and wanted to hurt others... and I'd draw upon those things to be a complete cunt. The last time I ever 'saw' sarah was about 6 months after our big fall out, in the meantime me and Tim continued to squabble like worst enemies, but she came back and she was changed, it was like I had robbed her of everything. She was drunk, high, I dunno what, she seemed barely cognizant or had little regard for things, I kind of made peace with her and apologised, but it felt like falling on deaf ears, She accepted it, but she seemed too distressed to really acknoledge it. After that we never spoke again.
But whenever I hear that song, I think of Indigo, of BamBam, the messed up little emo cunt by the net handle <Mister^CK> (and yeah people called me emo, back in 2001 before I even knew what the term meant) 19 year old. And well my life went from completely fucked up to rather contented somewhat, and though I know Tim is okay cause he was that kind of guy who could shake anything, I really Hope Sarah turned out okay too.
Anyway heres the song that inspired this post
And I'll never worry about people reading these blogs, they are mostly for me, to serve as a reminder of mistakes past.
Back then I was depressed, low confidence kind of guy, with no social life....my how times change!
But seriously, I was in really messed up place, I went to the doctors with depression and I got one booked session with a pyschotherapist and a weeks supply of Cipramil, they never told me to go back so I thought 'well they don't seem want to help me, fuck em' and I never did.
I spent an eternity in what can only be called unemployment limbo, going to bed at 5am, waking up at 11:00, hating my life, lounging around watching Blue Clues on Nick Jr. then going to restart courses, with a bunch of other people who could have been future Jeremy Kyle guests.... it really was not an uplifiting experience.
But through it all i had internet chat, paid for my by my brother because I was the scum sucking leech on society, and chat was a great escape for what was months of job searching, late nights and nothing but bleak reality. One of my friends of the time sent me a song, the same lifehouse song mentioned above, but then he sent me the acoustic version too, which to me sounded raw and more heartfelt. I I tried to get along with <BamBam> for the most part, but he was a bit egotistical too to boot, he had a (what was the fastest speed back then 1mb? 500k?) fast connection, while I struggled on borrowed dial up. He was also cocky and arrogant, traits that would eventually separate us completely, but for a while we had lifehouse. That and <Indigo'> she was a chinese girl much like Bambam (he was an hong konganese londoner by the name of Tim) and she was Lilly, not pronounced lilly, and not Lee-lee either. But her british name was Sarah.
The thing about being a depressed, low confidence kind of guy, is that you get very spiteful and hate-filled. Half of my battles with Tim ended with me raging, and getting kicked or banned, Sarah would try and calm me down and I just shat back in her face we'd connected so well on things, private things that you wouldn't tell a stranger, but here were were two kindred spirits in confidence until I was hurting and wanted to hurt others... and I'd draw upon those things to be a complete cunt. The last time I ever 'saw' sarah was about 6 months after our big fall out, in the meantime me and Tim continued to squabble like worst enemies, but she came back and she was changed, it was like I had robbed her of everything. She was drunk, high, I dunno what, she seemed barely cognizant or had little regard for things, I kind of made peace with her and apologised, but it felt like falling on deaf ears, She accepted it, but she seemed too distressed to really acknoledge it. After that we never spoke again.
But whenever I hear that song, I think of Indigo, of BamBam, the messed up little emo cunt by the net handle <Mister^CK> (and yeah people called me emo, back in 2001 before I even knew what the term meant) 19 year old. And well my life went from completely fucked up to rather contented somewhat, and though I know Tim is okay cause he was that kind of guy who could shake anything, I really Hope Sarah turned out okay too.
Anyway heres the song that inspired this post
And I'll never worry about people reading these blogs, they are mostly for me, to serve as a reminder of mistakes past.
Normality reigns, well abnormality or whatever, but that crush is as forgotten as a certain Jennifer Paige song.
I love how temporary my brain can be.
So I watched the second Silent Hill film, it was pretty awful, I liked how creepy it could be, but because it was originally in 3D there was lots of pointless gore and limbs, filangees and scary heads all coming at the camera. Kind of made it feel like I was watching one of the boring saw films. Still at least they kept it feeling relatively like silent hill. Which is more than I can say for the resident evil films (the Milla Jonovich ones at least, the CG ones are mindless entertaining like in-game cutscenes)
I need to see more films like the Notebook I think, and not just because of (temporary gay mode alert) Ryan Gosling , it's an endearing film in itself. I like the idea that theres a guy who stuck by his wife literally in sickness and in health, and the fact they took that time to find each other. It's not realistic by modern standards and practices, but i'm an old fashioned romantic sometimes. I'm on the verge of quitting watching the office which seems pointless as it's more than 2/3rd of the way through its ninth and final season, but there seems to be three sort of romantic love triangles going on. I hated Ed Helms at the best of times, but to write him out and give Erin her new L.I. is just mehhhhh, The angela oscar/senator thing is more in stardards with typical office storylines, but the one that really pisses me off is this suddenly out of nowhere boom mic guy, someone needs to take him out of the picture!
Ah why do I get invested in these shows? well at least I'm not writing about my own insignificance for once right?
I love how temporary my brain can be.
So I watched the second Silent Hill film, it was pretty awful, I liked how creepy it could be, but because it was originally in 3D there was lots of pointless gore and limbs, filangees and scary heads all coming at the camera. Kind of made it feel like I was watching one of the boring saw films. Still at least they kept it feeling relatively like silent hill. Which is more than I can say for the resident evil films (the Milla Jonovich ones at least, the CG ones are mindless entertaining like in-game cutscenes)
I need to see more films like the Notebook I think, and not just because of (temporary gay mode alert) Ryan Gosling , it's an endearing film in itself. I like the idea that theres a guy who stuck by his wife literally in sickness and in health, and the fact they took that time to find each other. It's not realistic by modern standards and practices, but i'm an old fashioned romantic sometimes. I'm on the verge of quitting watching the office which seems pointless as it's more than 2/3rd of the way through its ninth and final season, but there seems to be three sort of romantic love triangles going on. I hated Ed Helms at the best of times, but to write him out and give Erin her new L.I. is just mehhhhh, The angela oscar/senator thing is more in stardards with typical office storylines, but the one that really pisses me off is this suddenly out of nowhere boom mic guy, someone needs to take him out of the picture!
Ah why do I get invested in these shows? well at least I'm not writing about my own insignificance for once right?
