My life is such shit right now.

I went on a cruise.

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In other news, I think I'm going to leave SG. I want more than skinny white ladies in front of a color. I don't engage on in the groups or the boards anymore. I don't really talk to anyone and no one really talks to me.

Decisions.

UPDATE!

Marriage

Work

School

Fun

Health

So yeah, I'm good!

Today is my wedding.

I really wish that Cass would have a real conversation with me about buying a house. We need to develop our plan already.

I'm writing my Ethics paper on the morality of The Incredibles.

So. Much. Better.

I made it to work and back. Hopefully tonight won't be bad. Thank you all for reaching out to me.

I have a great life that I do not want to live anymore. It is time for an 800 number. I promise I will call. But he is home and I don't want him to hear me. I promise I won't do anything. I really need to talk to someone, but there is no one to hear me. I feel like a prisoner. I have not wanted to end my life so badly since I was a teenager. I really looked for options this time. I really started thinking about what the financial impact would be. I started drafting a letter outlining my assets and liabilities to make the loose ends easier to tie up. I need help and I promise I will get it. I just can't do it when he is listening. Because he made me feel this way. I can make it until Thursday when I will have some privacy. Please be here for me until then SG. I don't have anyone else right now and I haven't been this hopeless in a long time. I know I just need someone outside of me to tell me how it can get better. I know that other people can see that it will get better. I can't see it right now. I just want to run away and I know I shouldn't do that. I know that is a bad idea. I'm not going to do that. I'm going to wait until Thursday when I have some privacy and talk to someone about how much I'm hurting. That person is going to tell me that this too shall pass. This person would tell me to be strong and that I can make it. And that person will let me cry without screaming at me for being weak. And once I getting all the sobbing out, I will feel better. I know that I will feel better once I get it all out. I just have to wait until Thursday when I have some privacy and then I can get it all out. Then it will be better. Not all better, but better enough that I don't feel this way for a while. I just have to make it until Thursday. Once I make it to Thursday, everything will be better. I promise I won't do anything. I just needed to tell someone now. Because it's making me feel better already.