Please allow me to relate a story that illustrates one of the main causes for my increasing disdain for living in America.

One night as I was at home, smoking some bong hits with my roommates, I got the urge to have a burrito. Naturally. So at around midnight on this wednesday in March, I headed to the 7/11 in town. As I was waiting for my aforementioned burrito to be nuked, a mother and her two children walked in. The kids must have been 13, a boy, and 15, a girl, and they and their mother were much like most Americans nowadays. Fat. I'll refrain from using terms like "overweight" and "obese" because they feel like euphemism's to me and they don't deserve that. These 3 were fucking fat. And here they were at midnight, on a school night no less, stocking up on potato chips, ice cream, liters of soda and whatever else the kids could pester their mother into letting them have. I prayed that my burrito would finish its microwave cycle before they got to the counter so I wouldn't get stuck behind them. But guess what? No such luck. This is whats wrong with America. At least, its one of the things wrong with it. Fat people raising fat kids who will become a burden on the rest of us by clogging the aisles at grocery stores with motorized scooters because they're too fat to even walk under their own power. Pretty soon this country's populace will be an all too frightening mix of the fat asses from "Wall-E" and the idiots from "Idiocracy". But I am merely ranting. I cannot presume that I can save the world through my venting. I can only hope some people will read this and, maybe, identify with my frustrations.

Are there any Canadian SG's or members that would like to marry me so I can get the hell out of the states before we go to war with North Korea? Seriously.

Shitty couple of months, let me tell you. First, I get 5 (FIVE!!) tickets in a matter of a week for not having registration. I didn't change it when I moved back to Jersey and it expired on me. When I got the second set of tix, my car got impounded because I "abandoned" it. Oh yeah? Parked in front of my friends house is abandoning my vehicle? So I can't get it out until I get it registered, but the fucking lien holder sends my title via snail mail and it takes a goddamn month to get to Motor Vehicles. So I get it registered ($140) and pick up my baby from the impound yard ($385). Next, one of my roommates decides he doesn't want to live at the house anymore so he shows up with his brother and 2 trucks (while the rest of us were at work, mind you), packs up all his shit and leaves without saying a word to any of us. Which left the 3 of us scrambling to come up with the money to make up the difference for rent. Scumbag, am I right? After that, I find out my oldest sister has fucking breast cancer. They caught it early enough to cut it out, but she still has to have radiation therapy which blows. And now back to my truck. I work in a hotel and we were going to be getting hit by a pretty bad snowstorm on friday. But being as though I lived in PA for 9 years and have four-wheel drive, I figured I would not stay overnight at the hotel and would just come in through the storm. Which resulted in me getting in my first accident EVER! Not that serious Me Vs. telephone pole. I'm not hurt but my truck is pretty well fucked. Fixable, but fucked. And then when I cal my insurance company, they tell me my policy was cancelled. I never received any nortice to that effect. Not a phone call, email, NOTHING! For some reason, karma fucking hates me and I don't know why. I've never done anything to anybody. On the plus side, I've been talking to this really cool girl lately. Couple of snags though. Like she's my roommates sister and she lives in San Diego, but any obstacle can be overcome right? Now I just have to plan a trip out to see her. Like in 3 years when I can fuckin afford it!

Bobby.

What's the deal, planet earth? Am I asking for too much? All I want is a girl between 24-32 yrs old, 5'0" - 5'8" tall, brunette, lots of ink, a septum piercing, a cute voice/accent, likes to drink, likes to smoke weed, likes to play video games, likes to watch cartoons as well as deeply philosophical film, likes to nail, is creative, can make me laugh, laughs when I try to make her, is a little twisted but not to the point where I have to wonder if she'll one day stab me in the throat while I'm sleeping (been there), wants children but doesn't necessarily want to get married, will dress up like Faye Valentine on my birthday, listens when I talk without cutting me off, isn't a bitch but can be a sarcastic bitch when the time calls for it, likes (at least SOME of) the same music I like, doesn't judge people until she's sure they aren't worth her time, HAS A FUCKING BRAIN IN HER HEAD, isn't too too girlie but enjoys girlie things, will agree when spontaneous shit like going on a picnic or taking a ride in a balloon pops into my head, likes to go camping and hiking, will go with me to ComiCon if I ask her and will actually be excited about it, won't give me shit if I want to do something with my friends instead of her once in a while, and will think I am just as amazing as she would be with all these qualities. Am I being unreasonable? Do women like that exist or am I chasing a fucking pipe dream? Help me out SGLand.

WHAT. THE. FUCK?!? I just read a tag on James' new set that mentioned this being a porn site. Excuse me? Since when? If you've come here looking for porn, go the fuck somewhere else! Where, you may ask? How about the gajillion and one porn sites on the web. For too long I've been seeing these comments like, "more pussy please" or "no vag no love". What's your goddamn problem? Don't get me wrong, I love the vagina as much as the next guy and, yes, most of the SG's are in my "spank bank", but come on. Don't sully the true spirit of this site which has been from the beginning a celebration of the non-traditional "beautiful" women. Not the airheaded Playboy girls or the in-desperate-need-of-a-cheeseburger fashion models. The REAL girls. Scars. Piercings. Tattoos. Chub. And *gasp* intelligence. I know. Outrageous that a beautiful girl who likes to have photos taken of her natural and gorgeous body might have a brain in her head. But that's what you find here. Not porn. Art. Stop treating this like a porn site and go whack off somewhere else. Like on your sister while she's sleeping you retarded, hillbilly, pervert fucks!

Bobby.

p.s.
Your mothers don't love you.

p.p.s.
Am I alone in my frustration? Who's with me?

So here's the deal. I am looking for a girl named Carrie Mims. I knew her when I went to film school. She was there for Digital something-or-other. It occurs to me that the prospect of seeing naked punk rock chicks would appeal to anyone, it would be her. So I figure this is the best place to find her. I'm not asking to know where she is. But if you're reading this and you know her. Please tell her I was asking after her.

Thanks.
Bobby.

Is it just me, or does Chrisitina Aguilera look like shit pregnant? Don't get me wrong. I love Christina and wish that was my bun in her oven, but fucks sake! You're gonna be someones mom soon. Lets tone down the dead whore make up tactics. I'm not trying to be unkind but when you look at how she's looked in the past to how she's lookin now, it leaves a lot to be desired. I find myself filled with longing and lamentation. Lamenting the drrty days and when she had black hair and went tanning all the time. Porbably to convince the world she's a real, honest-to-God Rican. Listen here sweety. I'm half PR tambien and I don't go around shovin it in everyones faces. What was I sayin? How the hell did I get here? Who's penis is this in my hand?!? Anyway, lets get some popcorn and watch this video. That'll cheer me up!




Golima evra body!

So now this is happening.

My old lady is leaving for Italy for 2 weeks to spend christmas/new years with her family. I know I'll miss her, but what I'm thinking is that this time apart will make me realize that we shouldn't be together. I care about her but there are a lot of things about her that really piss me off. I can't stand her mother or her sister. Her sisters fiance is a douche. Her dad is ok but thats probably just because I've heard the guy say maybe 2 fuckin words. She's selfish and spoiled. Like if I don't call her immediately after I get out of work, I get a text message saying that I obviously don't give a shit about her. She hangs out with a bunch of guys that cleary have the hots for her but I don't say anything cuz I trust her. But when I hang out with any of my good girl friends she gets suspicious and pissy. Granted most of my girls are exes, but they're exes for a reason. Fucks sake! One of my roommates is an ex. Tell me ppl in SGLand, Why the fuck do I have to put up with crazy shit? And does anyone out there think I should?

Bobby.

p.s.
Here's the mercury icing on the metal cake: we've been together 3 months and haven't had sex once.

Why is it that some girls think that being spoiled, needy and selfish are attractive qualities? Huh? Why? And then there are those special bitches who think "I'm way too cute to not get away with this" Shenanigans!! Horse-shit! Some times my woman gets me so heated I just want to throw her in front of a train. But there never seem to be any nearby.