Over the past 9 or 10 years I have been growing up…which for the most part is a good thing. I have realized that prior to this growth, I only had a few emotions sad, mad and glad…pretty boring really. And the extremes of these emotions were not very extreme. I like to thing of it as a heart monitor before my growth I was really close to flat-lining, the best and the worst events would not move that line too far of flat. The amazing thing is I never realized that in order to feel the extreme highs of life I needed to feel the extreme lows of life; that is when your heart monitor is going full throttle and that is living life on the edge.

The other thing I have gained through this growth is a little harder to understand…I think… I find it hard to think of myself as I victim, no matter what the circumstances…Ok seems stupid but there has been a certain part of me that feels comfortable in that spot…familiar I guess. But no matter how much I want to feel the comfort of being a victim I can't do it. My mind takes over and I can see an end to the sorrow or pain or whatever and I can have true empathy for whoever is involved. I guess I still have a lot of growing up to do…Sometimes the thought of stuffing all those emotions back into the "Bag of Shit" they came out of seems like a good idea. If I did that I might as well become catatonic and get it over with and there are way to many things I still want to experience and achieve in my life, so feeling all of my feelings is a MUST if I really want to live life on the edge.