He's a terrible bluffer, got a bad hand and I gotta get out of this game as soon as possible.
I love being single, and it's nice for someone to have asked me to change for them - but I don't want to! I've the biggest issue with people wanting to put me in their little box and then make me change and compromise all for their benefit.
He's not the guy that everything will change for, he certainly has some nice aspects but most of them are bad. Seriously, if you want to get to know a guy well, dinner with the parents is probably the most boldest, straight forward way to go about it. Though I don't think I'll be inviting another guy to family dinner until I know a lot more about him next time. This guy just surprised and disgusted me with everything I heard come out of his mouth. It's such a pity he's so good in bed, otherwise I'd tell him straight up to fuck off.. but that's not really my style.
I love being single, and it's nice for someone to have asked me to change for them - but I don't want to! I've the biggest issue with people wanting to put me in their little box and then make me change and compromise all for their benefit.
He's not the guy that everything will change for, he certainly has some nice aspects but most of them are bad. Seriously, if you want to get to know a guy well, dinner with the parents is probably the most boldest, straight forward way to go about it. Though I don't think I'll be inviting another guy to family dinner until I know a lot more about him next time. This guy just surprised and disgusted me with everything I heard come out of his mouth. It's such a pity he's so good in bed, otherwise I'd tell him straight up to fuck off.. but that's not really my style.
I've learnt not to fall in love but to carefully devise and asses the situation and react accordingly.
I really like this guy, but only time will tell as to whether he's who I think he is or someone completely different.
He's put his cards down on the table, and I appreciate his boldness, but I'm not ready to go all in just yet.
I really like this guy, but only time will tell as to whether he's who I think he is or someone completely different.
He's put his cards down on the table, and I appreciate his boldness, but I'm not ready to go all in just yet.
When I'm not sitting alone in my dark room contemplating my failed relationship, I'm hitting the town to make new relationships or tending to the current ones. The thing is I'm great at making new relationships, the problem is tending to them takes a lot of work and effort. When I meet someone new I can be witty, funny, exciting and sometimes, if I've been hitting the liquor (which is often), quite blunt. But for the most part I'm nice and caring.
For current relationships, I feel like I'm annoying and repetitive. I know most people get a bit like this after awhile. So when I feel like my friends have had too much of me, I head to town to meet new ones. After all, strangers are just friends you haven't met yet.
The place is a random pub, highly recommended for it's drink specials, dancing without a man holding on to me to make sure everybody knew I was his, enjoying my freedom of space and pulling moves out of the music. The time is "after a few too many drinks", I'm up against someone's chest, and he smells divine. He has communicated with me the whole night, bought me a drink, protected me from the angry men baring their teeth as they try to get a grab of my ass, so I'm more than happy to go home with him.
Sex is amazing and I struggle to not make noise so as to not disturb the people in the next room but I can't help it, by the end I'm exhausted and fall straight to sleep in his arms. I stay in bed for as long as I can to enjoy his cuddles before I have to jump up to go to the loo. Then it's to casual conversation over coffee and smokes and it takes me nearly half the drive home to push through my fear and natural shyness to reach over and hold his hand. A smile is plastered on my face and I feel genuinely at peace with the world, like we're the only two people on this road. But it's nothing close to love, just somewhat of a ghost image of what I used to have. I hug him goodbye (never a kiss because morning breath is gross) and promise that we will meet again.
I trot upstairs to my apartment pleased that a new relationship has been made, and later on I make sure to text him, as well as the current relationships too; because I do try my hardest, no matter how tedious it is, to keep them going for as long as necessary.
The guy is every guy I've slept with, I've become the perfect girlfriend experience until the moment we say goodbye.
For more check out my actual blog/journal http://scarlet-youth.livejournal.com/
For current relationships, I feel like I'm annoying and repetitive. I know most people get a bit like this after awhile. So when I feel like my friends have had too much of me, I head to town to meet new ones. After all, strangers are just friends you haven't met yet.
The place is a random pub, highly recommended for it's drink specials, dancing without a man holding on to me to make sure everybody knew I was his, enjoying my freedom of space and pulling moves out of the music. The time is "after a few too many drinks", I'm up against someone's chest, and he smells divine. He has communicated with me the whole night, bought me a drink, protected me from the angry men baring their teeth as they try to get a grab of my ass, so I'm more than happy to go home with him.
Sex is amazing and I struggle to not make noise so as to not disturb the people in the next room but I can't help it, by the end I'm exhausted and fall straight to sleep in his arms. I stay in bed for as long as I can to enjoy his cuddles before I have to jump up to go to the loo. Then it's to casual conversation over coffee and smokes and it takes me nearly half the drive home to push through my fear and natural shyness to reach over and hold his hand. A smile is plastered on my face and I feel genuinely at peace with the world, like we're the only two people on this road. But it's nothing close to love, just somewhat of a ghost image of what I used to have. I hug him goodbye (never a kiss because morning breath is gross) and promise that we will meet again.
I trot upstairs to my apartment pleased that a new relationship has been made, and later on I make sure to text him, as well as the current relationships too; because I do try my hardest, no matter how tedious it is, to keep them going for as long as necessary.
The guy is every guy I've slept with, I've become the perfect girlfriend experience until the moment we say goodbye.
For more check out my actual blog/journal http://scarlet-youth.livejournal.com/
My life took a whole 360 change after we decided to try a three way relationship. It ended up exactly how I thought it would, the only slight shocker being that the people who loved me changed to hating me and loving each other.
I couldn't be happier. There were so many things I wasn't able to do because I was addicted to Joe.
Now I'm free. I've started learning Japanese, I discovered the Golden ratio and the Fibonacci sequence and broadened my understanding of the universe and humanity. I appreciate my existence on a whole new level.
So I wrote something to express myself, using the Fibonacci sequence up to my favorite number, 13.
You
Me
And her
When we became three
It turned out we weren't meant to be
Reasoned to myself you were doing it all for me
I could feel the struggle being in the middle
Felt so torn so I could not leave
We loved each other
So I thought
He
She
Told me
"I want you"
But you lied to me
So then I had to start again
And it's okay because I became a better person
Now that I'm free to live out the possibilities
Of the life I've always wanted
To be free
To me
Just
Me
I couldn't be happier. There were so many things I wasn't able to do because I was addicted to Joe.
Now I'm free. I've started learning Japanese, I discovered the Golden ratio and the Fibonacci sequence and broadened my understanding of the universe and humanity. I appreciate my existence on a whole new level.
So I wrote something to express myself, using the Fibonacci sequence up to my favorite number, 13.
You
Me
And her
When we became three
It turned out we weren't meant to be
Reasoned to myself you were doing it all for me
I could feel the struggle being in the middle
Felt so torn so I could not leave
We loved each other
So I thought
He
She
Told me
"I want you"
But you lied to me
So then I had to start again
And it's okay because I became a better person
Now that I'm free to live out the possibilities
Of the life I've always wanted
To be free
To me
Just
Me
The other day my boss told me I'm not good enough at reaching the targets and they're going to discontinue my employment. I was devastated. I have rent and now electricity, food and white-goods to pay for, with having moved out of home. Joe came home furious and told me if I lose another job that's the end of us. He thinks I've got to grow up and put more effort into work.
Everything he said has sat at the back of my mind as a growing dark fear that this is all going to end soon, I'm going to have to pack up all of my stuff and go back to my parents, alone and heartbroken; all because I'm a shit sales person.
If I wanted someone to stand there and be disappointed in me, tell me to grow up, and reiterate the reasons why I need a job, I would ask my Dad to step in. But it was Joe who decided to embarrass me further by now threatening to breakup - even though "it's not what he wants". Why mention it if it's not a want?
So I've been dwelling in the thoughts, trying to basically talk myself into striking first. Because I've usually been the decider or the initiator of the end, and I'd rather have the upper hand to try and minimize pain and suffering.
I've certainly given up on men, I mean I had before I met him and he made me hope for better days. But his limitations are getting to me, he's unable to comfort me when I'm upset, or support me when I'm down. He doesn't understand emotions or 'quality time'. He mentions money and figures when it's not necessary (which is something that stresses me out obviously). I need the comfort and romance that surely only women understand and expect from a relationship, and I'm hoping I can find it in a sexy girl whose willing to take me away from this crazyness.
For now, I must see a physiotherapist and get my back sorted out for the first time in my years of suffering.
Everything he said has sat at the back of my mind as a growing dark fear that this is all going to end soon, I'm going to have to pack up all of my stuff and go back to my parents, alone and heartbroken; all because I'm a shit sales person.
If I wanted someone to stand there and be disappointed in me, tell me to grow up, and reiterate the reasons why I need a job, I would ask my Dad to step in. But it was Joe who decided to embarrass me further by now threatening to breakup - even though "it's not what he wants". Why mention it if it's not a want?
So I've been dwelling in the thoughts, trying to basically talk myself into striking first. Because I've usually been the decider or the initiator of the end, and I'd rather have the upper hand to try and minimize pain and suffering.
I've certainly given up on men, I mean I had before I met him and he made me hope for better days. But his limitations are getting to me, he's unable to comfort me when I'm upset, or support me when I'm down. He doesn't understand emotions or 'quality time'. He mentions money and figures when it's not necessary (which is something that stresses me out obviously). I need the comfort and romance that surely only women understand and expect from a relationship, and I'm hoping I can find it in a sexy girl whose willing to take me away from this crazyness.
For now, I must see a physiotherapist and get my back sorted out for the first time in my years of suffering.
We finally made it... FREEDOM!!
Moved out of home as of the weekend, and it's been a hazy barely realized it's happening type of feeling, just getting as many things organized as possible before crashing out hard and getting up doing it all over again.
It was a strange weekend where leisure time was paused and then resumed at the exact spot only once all the jobs had been done and stress stripped away. So surreal.
I'm trying to not let my job get away from me, selling vacuum cleaners is a tough experience in this day and age, but I've just got to keep believing in myself and my product. That doesn't mean I'm not keeping my eyes peeled for better opportunities.
The stress between J and I has been enough to poke a stick at, but we've kept it together and I only see things getting better now that we each have space to stretch - As long as he does so in the bed. I've damaged my tailbone something chronic and that's the only reason why I'm able to be here writing this, not at work. There's still so much more to do! So I doubt I'll be able to keep paying for my sub, but I haven't been able to visit properly in months
Moved out of home as of the weekend, and it's been a hazy barely realized it's happening type of feeling, just getting as many things organized as possible before crashing out hard and getting up doing it all over again.
It was a strange weekend where leisure time was paused and then resumed at the exact spot only once all the jobs had been done and stress stripped away. So surreal.
I'm trying to not let my job get away from me, selling vacuum cleaners is a tough experience in this day and age, but I've just got to keep believing in myself and my product. That doesn't mean I'm not keeping my eyes peeled for better opportunities.
The stress between J and I has been enough to poke a stick at, but we've kept it together and I only see things getting better now that we each have space to stretch - As long as he does so in the bed. I've damaged my tailbone something chronic and that's the only reason why I'm able to be here writing this, not at work. There's still so much more to do! So I doubt I'll be able to keep paying for my sub, but I haven't been able to visit properly in months
Life's been a bit of a theme park, annoying people, sudden ups and downs, scary trips and sick feelings, but plenty of fun parts.
I came off the anti-depressants, lost both my glassy job and my new call center job, and my parents decided to really get on my case about smoking weed.
I could very well understand it when normal parents turn around to a teenager, or in my case, young adult, and say "don't do drugs", but I know those are hypocritical words. Paranoia has set in, word has spread, and they think we're up for a raid. It's unlikely, likely, and ridiculous all at the same time. They recommended smoking downstairs in the carpark where people come and go during the day.... I'm sticking to the balcony. I have plans to do it up and make it more private.
My Sister thinks I have nothing and that hurts my heart, it seems that all my relatives feel this way about me except for my Aunty who recently joined me on the balcony for a bong. For awhile I had no judgement placed upon me for my choice and now all of a sudden I am, just as I'm discovering more good things about herb. Yes, I do want to speak out more about my cause because I believe that it should be legal, addictive or not. Noone can prove that my life is significantly worse for having smoked weed, I think it's alright, I'm struggling for a job but whose to say that would be any different if I was sober?
My friends haven't been any more supportive, after an attempted trip to magic mushy land, things got mixed up and thrown vastly askew, but I've always thought they were assholes. It just took a hallucinogenic to really show you to what extent they can annoy you and piss you off. Mum says they're all high and mighty because they're home owners. Yes, a home owner at 21 has a right to have pride, but not downright self-righteousness.
I got the courage to talk to Joe about a polygamous relationship, introducing another girl into the equation later on when we have our own space. This is my most favorite fantasy to think about not only having our own house but I often imagine having a girlfriend and cuddling and enjoying her. He's obviously very excited about it even though it's a concept he's never thought of, he's quite lucky to have a girl like me! I imagine if the girl is honest and fun loving enough, jealousy would never be involved because we all care about each other. Obviously my biggest fear would be her stealing my lovely handsome man away. Even before talking about a long-term arrangement though, we have yet to actually experience a threesome. Something that definitely requires personal space.ie. not a share home with parental figures.
We went on to make an adult matchmaker profile
Who knows what that will achieve, I always think "bar" or "club" when I'm thinking of ways to find cute girls.
I came off the anti-depressants, lost both my glassy job and my new call center job, and my parents decided to really get on my case about smoking weed.
I could very well understand it when normal parents turn around to a teenager, or in my case, young adult, and say "don't do drugs", but I know those are hypocritical words. Paranoia has set in, word has spread, and they think we're up for a raid. It's unlikely, likely, and ridiculous all at the same time. They recommended smoking downstairs in the carpark where people come and go during the day.... I'm sticking to the balcony. I have plans to do it up and make it more private.
My Sister thinks I have nothing and that hurts my heart, it seems that all my relatives feel this way about me except for my Aunty who recently joined me on the balcony for a bong. For awhile I had no judgement placed upon me for my choice and now all of a sudden I am, just as I'm discovering more good things about herb. Yes, I do want to speak out more about my cause because I believe that it should be legal, addictive or not. Noone can prove that my life is significantly worse for having smoked weed, I think it's alright, I'm struggling for a job but whose to say that would be any different if I was sober?
My friends haven't been any more supportive, after an attempted trip to magic mushy land, things got mixed up and thrown vastly askew, but I've always thought they were assholes. It just took a hallucinogenic to really show you to what extent they can annoy you and piss you off. Mum says they're all high and mighty because they're home owners. Yes, a home owner at 21 has a right to have pride, but not downright self-righteousness.
I got the courage to talk to Joe about a polygamous relationship, introducing another girl into the equation later on when we have our own space. This is my most favorite fantasy to think about not only having our own house but I often imagine having a girlfriend and cuddling and enjoying her. He's obviously very excited about it even though it's a concept he's never thought of, he's quite lucky to have a girl like me! I imagine if the girl is honest and fun loving enough, jealousy would never be involved because we all care about each other. Obviously my biggest fear would be her stealing my lovely handsome man away. Even before talking about a long-term arrangement though, we have yet to actually experience a threesome. Something that definitely requires personal space.ie. not a share home with parental figures.
We went on to make an adult matchmaker profile
Who knows what that will achieve, I always think "bar" or "club" when I'm thinking of ways to find cute girls.J and I have been waking up feeling ill for weeks now... It's just temporary morning sickness. He throws up most mornings before work. I only do every now and then, other times it's uneasyness and alot of toilet visits. The doc reckons it's stress related for J and prescribed anti-anxiety meds. Has anyone had experience with these?
Myself, I've been going through bouts of paranoia and depression. I'm considering whether or not to call the doc to talk about going back on anti-depressants. But what's not to be depressed about an $850 ambulance bill for fear of almost dying from food poisoning a couple weeks back. Last night J and I learnt about health cover.
For the most part though, weed is my anti depressant, my happy high herb :3
Myself, I've been going through bouts of paranoia and depression. I'm considering whether or not to call the doc to talk about going back on anti-depressants. But what's not to be depressed about an $850 ambulance bill for fear of almost dying from food poisoning a couple weeks back. Last night J and I learnt about health cover.
For the most part though, weed is my anti depressant, my happy high herb :3
