Did you know that those who appear to be really strong, really are the most sensitive? Did you know that those who spend all their time protecting others, really need someone to protect them? Did you know that the two things that are hardest to say are: 'Sorry' and 'Help me'.

clear ceran wrap + toilet = fun night for me, bad night for the roommate. i'm so evil......

Well, I just found out today that my re-enlistment got denied. Reason why; there are too many people in the Navy and they can't afford to spend that much money to keep me in. Oh well, I guess i'm going to be flipping burgers at Burger KIng........NOT!! I already got a job that I start at in September working for KBR. I'll be making over TRIPLE what I make now, i have better benefits, and a better life insurance policy!!! But what's the catch? Oh, yes, the catch. There's always a catch..... I'll be going back to Afghanistan for eight months, possibly a year...... FUCK ME!!!!! Well, I would say that if I actually didn't like that country, but, truth be told, I like Afghanistan. It's a really beautiful country, just has fucked up people in it. And when I get back from Afghanistan, i'll be moving back down to San Diego to go to school. I have been accepted to San Diego State University. When I say I'm moving back, it's because my first duty station in the Navy was San Diego. God, I can't wait to grow my hair back out and dye it black again, grow my beard back out, and put my piercings back in. I'm anxious to start this new chapter of my life, a second chance, if you will.

tomorrow is my last day of leave before i go back to work for a week and then go back on leave. these past six days have been a real eye opener for me. actually, the past couple weeks were. april 26 marked the eight year anniversary of my first real love's death, the day she died in my arms. the day she died of my stupidty and selfishness. the day i stopped getting high. the day i felt like i died inside and became hollow. i have major regrets from that too. i never went to her funeral. i should have. i have yet to still go to her grave. that's my top priority when i go back home on leave in a couple of weeks. i need the closure. i need to move on. yeah, i've been in relationships since then, but i never felt like i was in one. i just went throught the motions. i just didn't feel anything. nothing. not a thing when i started dating the girl, and nothing when she would break up with me. i haven't been in a "real" relationship for eight years. EIGHT FUCKING YEARS!! and then i met some one when i went down to san diego to see some friends. some one who made me want to feel again. she made me feel a part of me i thought had died long ago. the fucked up thing is, i can't remember her name to save my life. i had been drinking, but not at the level i normally drink when i'm leave. (ok, backround time. when i'm normally on leave, i drink far beyond excess. example, the last time i was leave, xmas-newyears time, was the least amount of money i have ever spent on booze for myself. and that was was in $700 range. when i was in sd, i only spent about $30 on booze.) there is one person on this site that knows her because she works with her. i won't be dropping names, though. sorry. i know my family won't approve of her because of what she does for a living, and because she is older than me, but i don't care what they think. i'm already the black sheep of my family. it's not like i can go further down the ladder. and it sucks too, because i'm going back to afghanistan sometime in june. bad timing, right? real bad timing....... she makes me want to be something more than what i am right now. she has given me the motivation to move on with my life and to stop mourning and sulking around. sorry for having a blog that never seems to end, so here it is, the end.

i had an amazing weekend this weekend. i rode down to san diego on friday to see an old friend, who never showed . but i got re-united with some other olds friends . i forgot how beautiful the PCH is on a harley, and theraputic riding my harley is.nothing like you, the bike, and the open road to clear your mind and forget about the world and your troubles. and there is nothing quite like waking up on the beach and watching the sunrise.

and even though bin laden is dead, i don't think that will stop the navy from shipping ass over to afghanistan in about a months time. but, thank god the man-hunt is over. no more of brother's-in-arms lives will be wasted trying to find that son-of-a-bitch. and please remember on memorial day that everyone who has served in the armed forces gave some, and some gave all. all i ask of you is to never forget us, just remember us.

today has been a good day. i found out that my re-enlistment has been approved and that i'm going to be a convoy commander of my own tractor trailer team in afghanistan later on this year. the only sad note of the day was when i came home. i opened up the fridge to have a nice, frosty beverage, and behold, no beer left. it was indeed heart breaking knowing i had no more pabst blue ribbon left in my fridge. i wish you all well, and have a wonderful friday. i will be on the road tomorrow hauling an excavator across SoCal tomorrow while trying not to panacake those abortions of a car they call a prius, and while be aggravated as hell going up a grade/hill at an amazingly earthshattering speed of 7mph. have fun y'all!

i don't know if you would classify this as life, but anyways. a few days ago a friend of mine asked me if i would like to help work on theier car. and me being the good, mechanically inclined friend that i am said sure, i'll help you. bad move on my part. so today was the only day when our schedules didn't clash with each others, so we met up at the D.I.Y. auto shop on base where we, i mean i, started to work on it. and i say "i" because he did nothing to help me with his car. he just sat there sipping on soda and smoking his cigarrettes while i got covered head to toe in grease and oil. and i mean covered. i have washed my hair four times now, and i still have grease in it. well, anyways, i'm complaining about the fact that part of maintaining a vehicle is WASHING THE ENGINE AND TRANSMISSION, and keeping them free of grease, dirt, and other build up. several reasons for this: 1) it keeps your engine cooler, meaning more mpg's, 2) you can shed almost 50 lbs off your cars weight if haven't done this, meaning more mpg's, 3) it's easier to spot leaks of any kind, and 4) your mechanic will like you alot better and might even be more willing to give you discounts, meaning more cash stays in your pocket. my buddies car has over 75,000 miles on it and it's a 2004 dodge charger. it was so badly covered in grease underneath that i could barely see his starter. his car lost over 40 lbs of excess weight when i was done cleaning it. he has never cleaned the engine or tranny since he's owned it. i spent almost six hours cleaning it just to spend 45 minutes to put on a new oil pan gasket and change his oil. honestly, how hard is it to go to a self spray car wash and spend ten minutes every spraying down your engine after every oil change? i have a truck that has over 170,000 miles on it and it still looks brand new under the hood, and it's my daily driver. i've had work trucks back home that saw continuos use off-road everday and still looked brand new under the hood each time it when it the shop. i know if i was mechanic and came into my shop with vehicle that was as filthy under the hood as my friends, i would charge them extra to work on it. if it's clean, it's easier to work on than if it's dirty. well, that's enough of me complaining for the day. y'all have fun now, ya hear!