I so have no idea what I'm doing anymore. I've been alone for so long I've lost all concept of how human contact is supposed to proceed. Long story short I'm pretty sure I'm screwing things up but I have no idea how to stop.

I just bought my first even pack of cigarettes. I only smoke occasionally, pretty much only when I drink but I've been drinking more than usual this week. And I've never bought before because then I'm officially a smoker instead of just someone who smokes from time to time. I guess things change. My brother is out of town and he's been pretty much the main person I hang out with for the past few years so its kinda weird being all alone. Everything else is out of synch too and its really fucking me up. I finally met someone I really care about but she's not ready for a relationship yet and she's out of town visiting another guy right now and I'm not currently really equipped to deal with that. So I'm resorting to the old stand bys and hoping I can keep the psychosis at bay with substance abuse until such time as things even out a bit and I can actually address my problems and deal with them. I know its a bad idea but right now its my only way out. Besides I value my mind more than my body so a little bit of damage to my lungs and lliver are worth the chance of making it through this with my psyche intact. Everything is about to change. My parents are moving down here in a few weeks and I'm quitting my job soon after because my job doesn't afford me the time I need to work on real estate and if we don't start making some serious money soon we're all fucked. The theme for this week is teetering on the edge. Wish me luck.

I'm old enough to rent a car!

Well I quit my job and got a new one. I'm a server at Red Lobster now. My brother has been doing it for a while and I got tired of him coming home with more money than me so I decided to give it a try. I'm hoping to move up to being a bartender eventually. Other than that sadly little is going on.

Well I'm in Tucson now living in an apartment with my younger brother. I got here a few months ago but things have been moderately to very crazy. Its my first time really living on my own which is freeing of course but it also means I don't have anyone to fall back on which is kinda new for me. I got a job pretty quickly since they needed people to work around the holidays and I was able to stay on since I am experienced in retail and all. I'm taking some online classes just so I can defer my loans but I plan to go back to school eventually. So yeah I've been pretty busy and as a result really bad about keeping up with all my sites this one included. I probably will continue to not have much time for the immediate future but hopefully I can get another job soon. I'm looking into becoming a real estate agent since I'm good at sales and bigger sales = more $$$. I know this was a ridiculously boring update but its been a fairly boring few months for how busy it is.

I should probably update this now that there are actually things going on in my life. I am moving to Arizona in like two weeks. I'm going to be living with my brother and we are going to be doing real estate investment together. Then we are going to business school after which time we will open a number of business and make serious fucking money. I have way too much freaking stuff so I have been busy as hell getting it all packed. So thats the big news for me, no more living with my parents!

God how sad is this. It's been over a month since I updated and nothing has happened. I still don't like my job and I still am doing just about nothing all the time. I can be so lame sometimes.

For as little as I actually do I'm pretty damn busy. I don't work all that much at my new job but being the new guy I get all the filler shifts so my schedule is exceedingly random. It's completely ruined my sleep schedule. Not that staying up until 5 or 6 am every night was much of a schedule but it worked for me. I'm about to go the sleep now and like midnight thirty and it feels very weird to me. Hopefully things will settle down a bit more soon and I'll actually start updating. Also hopefully I'll get enough of a life that I have something to post about.

I officially lose my job in 5 days but its okay because I already started at another one. I've been really busy because of the increased hours due to closing and the associated increased stress level. Hopefully by next week I'll actually have free time and I'll start participating more again. Or i might just spend all my time watching all the DVDs I picked up for cheap since the store is closing. Monthy Python's Flying Circus in its entirety certainly has the potential to fill some time. Also the job I got is at a Waldenbooks so I'll probably be reading a lot more soon. Currently taking any and all recommendations for good books to check out.

Wow I just realized its been so long since I posted that I didn't even know I was losing my job back then. Yup they are shutting down my store too so I'm gonna be unemployed at some undetermined future point. As a result the store is filled with mouthbreathing idiots who would normally pass us up and hop into Wal-mart but since we have a store closing sale they all come in looking for a deal. And no matter how many signs we put up people will still ask "Are you guys closing?" My normal ambient hatred for people has ramped up to full blown rage at the shuffling mass of stupid that people have become. We're busy pretty much all the time and I just don't care anymore but its ok b/c neither does my boss or any of the other employees. I think the worst part though is not knowing when we'll be closed so I can't really apply anywhere else. I might be able to get a job a the Waldenbooks in the same mall but that seems to be tied up by upper management. Its still shocking to me just how shitty so many companies are at running anything at all. I'm astounded that they make any money. So basically things suck but they will get better at some point. I just don't know when and its driving me very very crazy.