As I said in my last journal last year was pretty good to me and on the whole I was happy. but as the end came I noticed myself getting more critical of myself and others and getting really crabby. I had a bit of an epiphany while meditating this morning..
How we see the world is directly connected on how we are seeing ourselves and how we are feeling.
or ..................The vision of ourselves is the lens with which we look at the world
I know that this is a big DUH to most and I have known this all along, but I connected it with myself and others and our perceptions and it clicked into place how I can use this to make myself happier.
Earlier this year I was so happy in my job and in my life and when bumps in the road came up, I would just ride it out and not let it ruin my day. but in the last couple of weeks in particular I have let little things get in my way and I have found myself being critical of others and analyzing them. a very BAD habit from my past and one that I wish to never become a habit again. Earlier this year I would just see a friend who was irritating me and try to see why they we reacting the way they were and realize it had nothing to do with me and that they were going thru their own stuff and to let them get thru it and help if I could. Or if it was about me I would try and deal with it instead of being reactionary.
I was depressed when I got up this morning. I was thinking to myself , I know this feeling and I hate it,
Where is it coming from and how do I get that lighthearted feeling back?
What do I need?
I need to feel better about myself first and then the world will follow.
What will make me feel better about myself?
Eating healthier, getting exercise, making personal time for myself without any have to's, I think some meditation time each day might be a good idea, so I can sort thru my thoughts and get centered a bit.
I have alot of goals this year and really want to hit them. But I cannot let negative thoughts keep me from accomplishing them and I can't let other peoples bullshit drag me down. If I can help I will,l but other wise I can't let them drag me down with them.. I can no longer point out the silver linings to those only willing to point out the clouds. I must let them do their could gazing and get on with my life the way I wish to live it.
onward and upward here I go
How we see the world is directly connected on how we are seeing ourselves and how we are feeling.
or ..................The vision of ourselves is the lens with which we look at the world
I know that this is a big DUH to most and I have known this all along, but I connected it with myself and others and our perceptions and it clicked into place how I can use this to make myself happier.
Earlier this year I was so happy in my job and in my life and when bumps in the road came up, I would just ride it out and not let it ruin my day. but in the last couple of weeks in particular I have let little things get in my way and I have found myself being critical of others and analyzing them. a very BAD habit from my past and one that I wish to never become a habit again. Earlier this year I would just see a friend who was irritating me and try to see why they we reacting the way they were and realize it had nothing to do with me and that they were going thru their own stuff and to let them get thru it and help if I could. Or if it was about me I would try and deal with it instead of being reactionary.
I was depressed when I got up this morning. I was thinking to myself , I know this feeling and I hate it,
Where is it coming from and how do I get that lighthearted feeling back?
What do I need?
I need to feel better about myself first and then the world will follow.
What will make me feel better about myself?
Eating healthier, getting exercise, making personal time for myself without any have to's, I think some meditation time each day might be a good idea, so I can sort thru my thoughts and get centered a bit.
I have alot of goals this year and really want to hit them. But I cannot let negative thoughts keep me from accomplishing them and I can't let other peoples bullshit drag me down. If I can help I will,l but other wise I can't let them drag me down with them.. I can no longer point out the silver linings to those only willing to point out the clouds. I must let them do their could gazing and get on with my life the way I wish to live it.
onward and upward here I go
Good Bye 2008. You were a pretty good year all in all.
-This year I celebrated my 40th birthday with 86 friends at the White Horse, it was a surprise to me how many people that I invited were able to make it, LA is a very busy town and I rarely see many of my friends. So I made sure to take extra time this year fro friends. It worked so good in 2008 that in 2009 I will endeavor to make even more time for friends, the people in my life make it so much richer.
- I went to Japan, somewhere I had wanted to go since I was little. I am so glad that even tho I could not afford it that I did do it. And I want to go back in the next couple of years and do it at a slower pace.
-My husband quit his job back before our Japan trip and has not gone back full time since. Altho it has been a huge adjustment for him. I am so grateful for the time we have had together. He really is my best friend. I am so happy that he has had more time for us and to work on our business, we are trying to get my art to the next place but that hasn't happened yet. So in 2009 I want to be able to pay him full time to run my business.
-Tattooing has been great to me, many new and wonderful clients and new challenges. This year I was approved by the shop to do portraits! Funny I do the cutesy stuff but I can also draw photo realism.
- my health has gotten better, my knees have arthritis so there is not much I can do but strengthen all around them to protect them and keep it from getting worse. in 2009 I want to drop the last of the weight on my knees and get my eating back on a healthy track.
-my art business slowed a bit this year but my technique jumped some big hurdles, so now back to focus on the business side..
I guess that wraps up the look back and the goals for next year!! come on 2009 I can't wait for you!
-This year I celebrated my 40th birthday with 86 friends at the White Horse, it was a surprise to me how many people that I invited were able to make it, LA is a very busy town and I rarely see many of my friends. So I made sure to take extra time this year fro friends. It worked so good in 2008 that in 2009 I will endeavor to make even more time for friends, the people in my life make it so much richer.
- I went to Japan, somewhere I had wanted to go since I was little. I am so glad that even tho I could not afford it that I did do it. And I want to go back in the next couple of years and do it at a slower pace.
-My husband quit his job back before our Japan trip and has not gone back full time since. Altho it has been a huge adjustment for him. I am so grateful for the time we have had together. He really is my best friend. I am so happy that he has had more time for us and to work on our business, we are trying to get my art to the next place but that hasn't happened yet. So in 2009 I want to be able to pay him full time to run my business.
-Tattooing has been great to me, many new and wonderful clients and new challenges. This year I was approved by the shop to do portraits! Funny I do the cutesy stuff but I can also draw photo realism.
- my health has gotten better, my knees have arthritis so there is not much I can do but strengthen all around them to protect them and keep it from getting worse. in 2009 I want to drop the last of the weight on my knees and get my eating back on a healthy track.
-my art business slowed a bit this year but my technique jumped some big hurdles, so now back to focus on the business side..
I guess that wraps up the look back and the goals for next year!! come on 2009 I can't wait for you!
I'm home.. while the hubby is out at Club Suicide.. Several people around me have been ill in the past several weeks. I have managed with getting sleep, taking vitimins and emergency with chinese herbs... but now I am feeling it come on. A scratchy throat, fatigue, sinus problems and irritablity. I really don't want to be sick for New Years eve.
in the meantime I am playing my new game Animal Crossing City Folk
in the meantime I am playing my new game Animal Crossing City Folk
from Neil Gaiman
NICHOLAS WAS . . .
older than sin, and his beard could grow no whiter.
He wanted to die.
The dwarfish natives of the Arctic caverns did not speak his language, but conversed in their own, twittering tongue, conducted incomprehensible rituals, when they were not actually working in the factories.
Once every year they forced him, sobbing and protesting, into Endless Night. During the journey he would stand near every child in the world, leave one of the dwarves' invisible gifts by its bedside. The children slept, frozen in time.
He envied Prometheus and Loki, Sisyphus and Judas.
His punishment was harsher.
Ho.
Ho.
Ho.
Merry xmas
I am taking a break from the cleaning.. man our house really needed this reorganize and deep clean. I finally got some shelves.. I got up this morning and did a few layouts of the studio room in illustrator and discovered that using 2 bookshelves that are a bit smaller would work better than the one huge one.. they are from the same series so still cubes to load in but now a much more efficient use of space.. I will be putting them up later tonight when the hubby gets home and can help me get them out of the truck.
So with the new bookshelves I have to make some room. so I have a FREE art / craft / drafting table.. it can be flat or tilted, heck you can even put a table cloth over it and use it as a kitchen table.. it has black metal legs and a white (well mostly white) top.
if you can come and get it it's yours!
So with the new bookshelves I have to make some room. so I have a FREE art / craft / drafting table.. it can be flat or tilted, heck you can even put a table cloth over it and use it as a kitchen table.. it has black metal legs and a white (well mostly white) top.
if you can come and get it it's yours!
Still trying to find my shelving unit.. IKEA is all out an no one on Craigs list is writing me back yet,,,,
but in the spirit of the holidays I bring you my favorite holiday song
and the newer live action version
but in the spirit of the holidays I bring you my favorite holiday song
and the newer live action version
Ever take something on and then realize you have gotten in over your head? I started to Tetris-ize (make everything fit, like in tetris) my studio. It has been in the same position since we moved in here. not the best use of space, everything just got put in a place and never moved again.. well I am seeing that drawing table has just become a display area and I don't really need it. but I do need more storage. but with everthing off of it and on the floor I just can't leave it all lying around till I figure out what to do. The whole point of doing this today was so I could be more productive in mystudio.. My easel can become a sketch station very easliy, but now what to do with my old drawing tabl?. I have had it since I started college and it's not in great shape but takes up way too much space.. I also have a large ugly shelf in the corner I would love to get rid of... I did find this on the IKEA website
it would take a little less space across the wall and would take up a about a foot less space deep. lots of storage.. but will they have it? should I really be buying it? and then what to do with the shelving unit and drawing table???
the hubby is working right now so I can't ask his opinion, he always gives a valuable perspective.. Arrghh.. I guess I will set everything else up and ask him when he gets home.
it would take a little less space across the wall and would take up a about a foot less space deep. lots of storage.. but will they have it? should I really be buying it? and then what to do with the shelving unit and drawing table???
the hubby is working right now so I can't ask his opinion, he always gives a valuable perspective.. Arrghh.. I guess I will set everything else up and ask him when he gets home.
I know I said I was going to paint... But having all this time, I decided to do a end of the year deep clean... It takes hours but it feels good to get my home in order. Cleaning out the old to start the next year clean and new. I am just taking a room per day so I can paint as well. I am feeling very productive..
I am also waiting for the heating guy to see what is up with our central heater/air. Of course the coldest night in a long time and we had no heat.. Funny they just replaced our unit when it broke during a heat wave... It shouldn't have broke so quickly and seems to only work until it is really needed.
I am also waiting for the heating guy to see what is up with our central heater/air. Of course the coldest night in a long time and we had no heat.. Funny they just replaced our unit when it broke during a heat wave... It shouldn't have broke so quickly and seems to only work until it is really needed.
I am only going to work 14 days this month.. with the Holidays and the shitty economy most of my big pieces have rescheduled till the beginning of the year.. Bummer on the pocketbook but bonus for staying home andf painting... and since I just got this on sale for $100 I have lots to do..
I have been having flashes out of my peripheral vision in my left eye since December 2nd. I kept thinking that I was having auras the precede a migraine. but day after day no migraine. I was getting severe sinus headaches and I thought it might be related.. as the days passed I debated going to the eye doctor or my regular doctor.. I finally decided to do the eye doctor, I figured that if I had a sinus infection the regular might not address my eye issues. but if I went to the eye doctor I could rule it out for sure.. I'm glad that I picked the eye doctor. After a few tests, dialating my eyes ans a very long eye exam, I have an answer. I have a vitreous detachment.
What is a vitreous detachment?
Most of the eye's interior is filled with vitreous, a gel-like substance that helps the eye maintain a round shape. There are millions of fine fibers intertwined within the vitreous that are attached to the surface of the retina, the eye's light-sensitive tissue. As we age, the vitreous slowly shrinks, and these fine fibers pull on the retinal surface. Usually the fibers break, allowing the vitreous to separate and shrink from the retina. This is a vitreous detachment.
In most cases, a vitreous detachment, also known as a posterior vitreous detachment, is not sight-threatening and requires no treatment.
altho I am a bit freaked out by it, there is no risk to my sight and nothing I can really do. the symptoms should recede over the next few weeks. At least I now have an answer and I don't feel like I am just imagining the flashes of light.
