Everybody said that no one is ever really ready to be a parent. That you can never truly be prepared. I call bullshit. I think independently wealthy people who have accomplished most of their life's goals, work from home, who live in the same town as their child's aunts and grandparents, and can afford a nanny, are much more prepared than me or my baby mamma. This situation is mad trying, yo.
The pain hurts. My 7month old was up at 4:30. I got the bottle ready for his mommy to give to him. They both went back to sleep. I lay there awake, the whole left side of my back uncomfortable no matter what position I tried. Finally, just now at 6am, I've given up trying to sleep. I took a couple ibuprofen and am sitting on the couch watching the slow dawnlight creep between the blinds. My son will wake up for the day anytime now. Then I'll take care of him until his mom gets home from work. Then I'll go to work until 11. Then I'll come home for a second before going to work again at 7 wednesday morning. Everyday I limp a little more. I need a massage and some yoga quick. Last week I turned 34. Next week I'll turn 50.
Its 5:20am. I've been up since 4:45. Thinking and stressing. The baby usually wakes up right now to be fed and comforted. He's still asleep. The neighbor just left. Maybe that fucker is who wakes my son up every morning. We'll see. Why the fuck am I awake though? I can't stop thinking of all the humongous setbacks that have befallen me. I can't stop wanting revenge for the wrong that's been done me. Problem is, I don't know who it was that did it. I have no idea. These setbacks have affected every day of my life since they occurred and even now, a year and two later, I'm waking up thinking about it. I wish I could let it go and move on. I don't know if I can ever stop thinking about it. If you know who almost killed me in Arcata March '09 or who burglarized my car in Novato June'10, please let me know.
Well. I got three jobs under my belt for the moment. Until I chance the inevitable entrepreneurship, I have to explore all options. Work is work and I got a mouth so necessary to feed that I can keep my own shut for a while. The boy's moving so fast its gotta be time to get back to my running weight.
Babies is expensive!
The boy's only 6 months and I'm already tired of changing diapers. I can't wait until we live in a place with a yard.
Pissing on a tree is a major milestone in a tiny man's development and after that it won't be long until he's shitting in the woods.
On Mondays and Tuesdays I take care of my Baby Boy. Today I had to take him to get shots or else he can't go to daycare. I hated it. He hated it. The little man cried so hard I thought he was going to bust his larynx. He cried for almost an hour straight. He's got good lungs.
