today we bid farewell to our old friend, the winter blues, or, as some may know them, the johnny cashes. that's right: starting monday we're switching over to the new naval service uniforms, a year-round outfit reminiscent of the marine uniform (blech). i'd take a picture to commemorate this moment, but i'm already undressed, and with it being as warm as it is in south carolina right now, fuck getting redressed. i'll hold on to the blues, like i hold on to so many beautiful memories of my time in the navy.
oh wait...
so next week, i'm going to look like the dick on the right.
and i wish
i could leave my shirt untucked at all times. fucking sexism in the navy.
there's something else that's been on my mind.
SPOILERS! (Click to view) i've been in a lot of pain lately, and it's been keeping me from concentrating on anything else. or anyone else. yes, lately i've neglected important chores and responsibilities. i've been bitter, quiet, and introverted. i can only imagine how much more worse it would be if i hadn't quit drinking and smoking since coming back from california in january. oh yeah, evening knowing that i'll be home in a couple of weeks doesn't get me excited. i'm not even making the effort to buy plane tickets.
in short: i stopped giving a fuck about anything.
i've had a friend call me a couple of times over the past two weeks. i'd miss the calls, but then i never called her back (even though i wanted to). the last time i saw her was three weeks ago, when she broke up with her boyfriend over the phone (the guy's in the navy, has been stationed in norfolk, was already a dick) in my apartment (i have no idea why is was in
my apartment). she finally got a hold of me last night, wanted to watch a movie. she mentioned "the notebook," a proposal to which i responded with "as long as we do our nails and have a pillow fight." so i show up at her apartment, she sends me a text
"left the door unlocked, let yourself in" blah blah blah.
i come in to a dark apartment to find her already watching "the notebook" in bed. we ended up watching "perfect strangers", which i enjoyed. we spent the first half of the movie chatting, catching up. imagine the scene, us in her bed: she was wearing a pair of these (i would love a pair of my own) and a low cut white shirt; i was wearing jeans with my huge buckle. it was awkward. she smelt good. it was awkward. she ended up passing out somewhere in the second act, so i finished watching the movie, turned it off, and went to sleep on the couch because it's midnight, i'm pooped, no driving (i live a 2 minute drive away). sent her a text
"thanks for the movie, i enjoyed it. don't want to leave you alone with the door unlocked, so i'm going to pass out on the couch. i have to go and get ready for work at 0530, sorry if the alarm wakes you. thanks again."
i get poked awake by her at around 0200 and she tells me to come sleep with her in the bed. i'm not quite awake enough to be surprised, so i just climb in. truth be told, i can't sleep with people. unless i'm drunk, or i've at least slept with the person a few times before, i will not fall asleep. i did not sleep much at all last night. however, i got to enjoy the presence of somebody else. that felt good. it was a little odd when she took my hand and pulled my arm around her. i really didn't know how to respond other than just fucking comply.
i got up at 0530, got my things together, and woke her up to let her know i was leaving, lest she wake up and think i sneaked out on her again. she said, "thanks for keeping me company."
TL;DR version: slept with a girl, but didn't, you know, sleep with her. don't quite know how to feel about it, but mostly because i'm already in so much physical pain that i don't know if i want to deal with anything else. it felt good, though.
haha...ugh. i need to get outta here.
UPDATE: yeah, i'm going over to her place again tonight.
