Well, folks, what can I say other than, "I've been a bad girl," not writing to you for so long.

Life gets busy, I guess.

It was my first anniversary of SG membership yesterday. I look forward to another year of hot girls and great friends. I almost didn't come back, but my new found relationship status lent itself to a change of heart.

Ok, I've been super busy. But I PROMISE to get back to you all shortly.

Love ya!

Howdy! I've finally gotten around to updating my journal. Things have been mightly busy here in MN.

So what can I say about my time back here.....

Well, I've learned a whole new definition for hell. I was home a week and 2 days, and my mom confronts me about being gay. It was a completely unprovoked comment, out of nowhere. At the time she was hottly lecturing me on how she believes I'm being selfish wanting to move out of state for work. It went a little like this (apologies to Mephausto & pyratwilly who've heard this before):

"and I told your dad I think you shouldn't even think about moving to the east coast," she stated.

"There's where I have a problem. I can't live here," I replied.

"That's a bunch of bullshit."

"I don't like it here. I just can't live here."

"Why?! Are you gay?!"

WTF, over. Where did that come from?

And then two day later she was talking to her realtor, who is also a friend, and brought up my not being gay again. "I was giving [my daughter] a lecture the other night and asked her if she was gay, she said, 'No,' and I was like, 'Well ok. I'm just want to know. I've had to deal with a lot of stuff, and I want to be aware of everything.'" Highly appropriate, don'cha think?

sigh

It's lonely, cold, and boring here. But if it sound like I'm desparate, let me clarify. [my apologies to p-willy who has seen this before] It's cold, but this weekend was splendid; my mother is nosy, but I chose to ignore it sometimes; I'm in the middle of nowhere, but it allows me to focus on finding a job; I'm lonely, but I appreciate my friends the more. I'm a survivor, and this isn't as bad as some of the things I've experienced in life. The firery hell of the bible might be heaven to an Eskimo. It's all relative. Hell for me is boredom and small-mindedness, and here I have both. It keeps me humble.

I'm here. Back at my parents' house. I dropped off the moving truck with my mom this afternoon and now we're preparing dinner.

I miss you all terribly.

The trip was pretty uneventful, just long.

I'll post more, but I feel sort of weird with my mom being around and all....

Three days and counting. I cancelled my internet connection in prepartion for my move, so I'm incommunicato until I reach my folks' place.

Schedule (for those who wish to say good-bye):

Thursday: 10pm Pirate Thursday
Friday: another good-bye party
Saturday: loading the moving van, final good-byes, and a birthday party
Sunday: leave OR

I'll see you all tonight!

Well, it's 7 days before I pack up my moving van and say my last good-byes. Then it's one last blast of a party and I wake up the next day to pull out of Portland, my home for the last 3 years.

Life is really funny. It took me 2 years to find friends in PDX, and here I am a year later leaving everything and everyone I love. Well, except Miss Tallahassee, but she's never been geographically close from the start.

My hair stylist said some of the sweetest things to me while cutting my hair Thursday. #1 Things like my business not taking off often happen for the best reasons. For instance, I now have the chance to pursue career as a chemist, something I have yet to do since college. Also, I can give my relationship a real chance by moving geographically closer to my girlfriend. And #2 I am a really great person and deserve great things in this world, and great things are in store for me. This one just speaks for itself. My stylist and I don't see each other often, but it was really touching to have someone who only sees you once every 3 or 4 months tell you how great you are as a person. I've also thought I was pretty keen, but it's always nice to hear it.

And so, I begin a sorrowful countdown. Who knows perhaps I will visit from time to time. All I know is a feel like I'm at the very beginning of a fun-filled adventure. Action-packed and all that jazz. Where this path will lead me, I do not know. But for anyone who wishes to share in the stories, I will be just an electronic message away.

It's Wednesday, and my former roommate plans to kidnap me for an evening of gothic/industrial dancing at Embers. So for anyone interested in joining to catch up with me during my last week and a half here in Portland, feel free. I should be there early, say 9 or 9:30, and will probably be gone, since former roomie works in the morning, by midnight.

UPDATE: the former roommie didn't get a babysitter, so I probably won't be at Embers tonight. Maybe next week...

Well, I missed Pirate Thrusday. I'm too tired to leave my apartment. My body is still on EDT. Anyway, perhaps next week I will make it. I'm still here until Oct. 5.

Well, I am back. Reluctantly. I changed my plane ticket twice. As the seconds dripped away on our last day together, neither she nor I knew if we'd make it to the airport on-time.

I cried, and tried to sleep on the plane. She remained strong to make the parting easier. I wake up this morning and ask why I left. My space is empty, and I miss the way her skin felt next to mine in the morning.

I miss breakfast with her. I miss her cats. All four of them. I miss the way her arms felt around me. I miss her kisses on the back of my neck. But mostly, I miss the ability to talk with her and see the way her eyes would look into mine as we lost ourselves in each other.

For the first time in my life, I feel loved unconditionally. I have given my heart to those before who did not deserve the gift. With her everything is right.

Needless to say I will be leaving Portland soon. The exact date is unknown, but I'm guessing a month from now I will rejoin my love. I have much to wrap up, and friends to say good-bye to. Perhaps you are one of them.