Lately, I've been posting a lot more than usual... I think it's because everywhere I go I lose friends because they can't truly understand how it is to feel great one second, and then close to suicidal the next. All because of one small thing that could flip a switch so heavy in the mind.

Recently, I talked about a girl who broke my heart. For a while now, I thought that though I am depressed over the loss, I'm working my way out of it and I was headed to better things. Then I spent the holidays (Thanksgiving, Christmas, and New Years) alone. I didn't mean I spent them without a girlfriend and life just went on. I meant that other than my parents, I spent them completely alone.

All my friends, despite being friends with me longer, have chosen to side with her. Why? I have no clue, maybe because my personality is too hard to deal with, or maybe because she's the room mate of one of my friends, and rather than ostracize her in favor of someone who's always tried to be there, risking an awkward moment, they'd rather just push me out and try and find me later... but seeing pictures from EACH FUCKING HOLIDAY of her hanging out with them on Facebook and whatnot is starting to kill me.

All of my supposed friends didn't even tell me there was a new year's party. Instead, they played it off like they had no plans, or different plans altogether. I never asked, because they never hinted, and were lying without me even having noticed until afterward.

I spent the ball drop asleep after crying for three hours, and wishing I had the balls to just end it... and they spent it laughing and celebrating together, and only sending me a "happy new year" text the next day. And then they put pictures up where I could see, like I wouldn't care as I've always been there for them, and I would always be.

Then they get upset with me because they don't understand my pain. It's tough to be someone...

Lately, I've been posting a lot more than usual... I think it's because everywhere I go I lose friends because they can't truly understand how it is to feel great one second, and then close to suicidal the next. All because of one small thing that could flip a switch so heavy in the mind.

Recently, I talked about a girl who broke my heart. For a while now, I thought that though I am depressed over the loss, I'm working my way out of it and I was headed to better things. Then I spent the holidays (Thanksgiving, Christmas, and New Years) alone. I didn't mean I spent them without a girlfriend and life just went on. I meant that other than my parents, I spent them completely alone.

All my friends, despite being friends with me longer, have chosen to side with her. Why? I have no clue, maybe because my personality is too hard to deal with, or maybe because she's the room mate of one of my friends, and rather than ostracize her in favor of someone who's always tried to be there, risking an awkward moment, they'd rather just push me out and try and find me later... but seeing pictures from EACH FUCKING HOLIDAY of her hanging out with them on Facebook and whatnot is starting to kill me.

All of my supposed friends didn't even tell me there was a new year's party. Instead, they played it off like they had no plans, or different plans altogether. I never asked, because they never hinted, and were lying without me even having noticed until afterward.

I spent the ball drop asleep after crying for three hours, and wishing I had the balls to just end it... and they spent it laughing and celebrating together, and only sending me a "happy new year" text the next day. And then they put pictures up where I could see, like I wouldn't care as I've always been there for them, and I would always be.

Then they get upset with me because they don't understand my pain. It's tough to be someone who cares when not many others do.

I'm sorry for being so depressing almost every time I write nowadays, instead of going off on zombies or vaginas or some new video game or whatnot... It's just getting hard to stay happy anymore, and I have no outlets for this, just frustration and explosive tendencies. *sigh*