It took me much longer to realize this than it should have...the reason we're so unhappy and keep arguing all the time, is...wait for it...because I keep trying to make myself unhappy. I'm not only not completely honest with him about my feelings, but I'm not honest with myself. I keep pushing him to do things that I think will make him happy, even if it will make me unhappy, and he keeps trying to tell me that if I'm unhappy, that makes everyone else unhappy. He tells me I need to get out of this mind frame that I'm not worth it, and that people actually do care about me.