whee, I was tagged and now have to tell you 20 things about myself.
1. I have had a total of 16 different piercings since I turned 18. I took them all out except my ears.
2. I have had four tattoos. The first tattoo is now covered.
3. I have been vegetarian since I was 13. I went vegan for 6 months when I was about 15, then went back to vegetarian.
4. I do not enjoy cooking. I find it boring and frustrating.
5. When I was 16 I was diagnosed with clinical depression, when I was 18 I was diagnosed with social anxiety disorder.
6. The only animals I can kill without feeling any guilt are mosquitoes and ticks.
7. I do not want any children.
8. I often think about what my life would be like if I had been male.
9. Halloween is my favorite holiday.
10. I have eaten an entire box of Thin Mint Girl Scout Cookies by myself in one sitting while stoned.
11. I have been Christian, Wiccan, Atheist, Buddhist, and am currently Agnostic.
12. I know how to read music and play the piano.
13. I sometimes wish I had gone to "real" college and studied psychology or English.
14. I act like a know-it-all a lot more than I should.
15. One of my favorite books growing up was My Side of the Mountain, and I used to want to run away and live in a tree like the kid in the book.
16. I have a deathly fear of deep, dark water. But I like swimming.
17. I like raw broccoli.
18. The first time I got drunk was on gin and orange juice on Easter night at the house of some girl I barely knew.
19. I hate waking up early; I'm a night owl.
20. I want to travel the world.
tag, you're it
1. I have had a total of 16 different piercings since I turned 18. I took them all out except my ears.
2. I have had four tattoos. The first tattoo is now covered.
3. I have been vegetarian since I was 13. I went vegan for 6 months when I was about 15, then went back to vegetarian.
4. I do not enjoy cooking. I find it boring and frustrating.
5. When I was 16 I was diagnosed with clinical depression, when I was 18 I was diagnosed with social anxiety disorder.
6. The only animals I can kill without feeling any guilt are mosquitoes and ticks.
7. I do not want any children.
8. I often think about what my life would be like if I had been male.
9. Halloween is my favorite holiday.
10. I have eaten an entire box of Thin Mint Girl Scout Cookies by myself in one sitting while stoned.
11. I have been Christian, Wiccan, Atheist, Buddhist, and am currently Agnostic.
12. I know how to read music and play the piano.
13. I sometimes wish I had gone to "real" college and studied psychology or English.
14. I act like a know-it-all a lot more than I should.
15. One of my favorite books growing up was My Side of the Mountain, and I used to want to run away and live in a tree like the kid in the book.
16. I have a deathly fear of deep, dark water. But I like swimming.
17. I like raw broccoli.
18. The first time I got drunk was on gin and orange juice on Easter night at the house of some girl I barely knew.
19. I hate waking up early; I'm a night owl.
20. I want to travel the world.
tag, you're it
I saw Death Cab for Cutie at the 9:30 Club last night.
It was beyond amazing.
We put my dog to sleep the other day. I'm sad, but at least she isn't in pain anymore. I feel like I did most of my grieving when I found out she had cancer, so when she passed, it was easier to deal with than I expected. I'll miss her though. It's strange knowing that I'll never see her again.
On a lighter note, I can't wait for Halloween.
It was beyond amazing.
We put my dog to sleep the other day. I'm sad, but at least she isn't in pain anymore. I feel like I did most of my grieving when I found out she had cancer, so when she passed, it was easier to deal with than I expected. I'll miss her though. It's strange knowing that I'll never see her again.
On a lighter note, I can't wait for Halloween.
I have a 20GB iPod for sale on eBay, please check it out.
My new thing is driving slow. Not senile-old-person slow, but maybe 5mph over the speed limit as opposed to my usual 15-20. Better for gas mileage. Better for enojying the scenery. Better for not getting tickets.
Its funny to me how when I was trying to be a suicide girl, I didn't feel any discomfort in the idea that thousands of strangers might see me naked... yet the other day, I felt totally awkward and shy letting my friend take pictures of me naked... so much so that I didn't even take off my underwear. Yup, I'm weird.
My new thing is driving slow. Not senile-old-person slow, but maybe 5mph over the speed limit as opposed to my usual 15-20. Better for gas mileage. Better for enojying the scenery. Better for not getting tickets.
Its funny to me how when I was trying to be a suicide girl, I didn't feel any discomfort in the idea that thousands of strangers might see me naked... yet the other day, I felt totally awkward and shy letting my friend take pictures of me naked... so much so that I didn't even take off my underwear. Yup, I'm weird.
I just typed up a whole long entry and then my browser froze and I lost everything.
Most of it was worthless banter anyway.
The only part worh re-typing was this: my best friend sent me an email that just said "thank you for being my friend." And it was really touching.
I feel really lucky sometimes.
Most of it was worthless banter anyway.
The only part worh re-typing was this: my best friend sent me an email that just said "thank you for being my friend." And it was really touching.
I feel really lucky sometimes.
Well... my dog's surgery was successful in that they got the tumor out, however, her other test results came back today and she still has cancer.. I'm not even sure where, I didn't stick around long enough to get the details, all I got was that her cancer is not going away, and she now has between 1-6 months left.
I hate the waiting. Waiting for her to die.. I'm terrified I'll be home when it happens, that I'll be the one to find her. But I don't want my sisters to have to find her either, I don't want to see them cry, I don't want to see my parents cry again.
I thought she was okay after the surgery, now I'm hearing "she has cancer" all over again and I'm dealing with the same upheaval of emotions. There's just no hope this time.
I hate the waiting. Waiting for her to die.. I'm terrified I'll be home when it happens, that I'll be the one to find her. But I don't want my sisters to have to find her either, I don't want to see them cry, I don't want to see my parents cry again.
I thought she was okay after the surgery, now I'm hearing "she has cancer" all over again and I'm dealing with the same upheaval of emotions. There's just no hope this time.
my doggy is MUCH better. thank you all for your well wishes. 
it's almost october, the best month of the year, and I'm excited.
it's almost october, the best month of the year, and I'm excited.
UPDATE: Last night after a lot of consideration and a second opinion from another vet, we decided to put our dog through the surgery to remove her tumor. She just came out of surgery and the tumor was successfully removed. She still has to go through a critical recovery period, but is doing well so far.
my dog is missing. i feel sick. 
*Update: my sister found her under the bushes in our backyard. She'd been there the whole night. She was barely breathing. My dad just took her to the emergency pet hospital. I still feel sick.
*Update: she has a tumor on her spleen and apparently it's a difficult surgery. They are going to x-ray her lungs to see if there is any cancer there, and if there is then we're going to euthanize her.
*Update: we're bringing her home. she only has a few days to live. everyone is crying, even my dad. this is a hard day.
i want to be next to her for every single moment she has left. but at the same time i want to run away and not come back until it's over. I do not deal well with death. I have not had a family member die since i was eight. and this is so sudden. i don't know how to react. it hurts terribly.
*Update: my sister found her under the bushes in our backyard. She'd been there the whole night. She was barely breathing. My dad just took her to the emergency pet hospital. I still feel sick.
*Update: she has a tumor on her spleen and apparently it's a difficult surgery. They are going to x-ray her lungs to see if there is any cancer there, and if there is then we're going to euthanize her.
*Update: we're bringing her home. she only has a few days to live. everyone is crying, even my dad. this is a hard day.
i want to be next to her for every single moment she has left. but at the same time i want to run away and not come back until it's over. I do not deal well with death. I have not had a family member die since i was eight. and this is so sudden. i don't know how to react. it hurts terribly.
I'm so disorganized. Everything is a mess. My room, my car, my bag, my life, all total chaos. I'm incredibly discouraged; every time I start to clean, I get so overwhelmed that I just give up. Sometimes I feel that if my room was clean and organized, everything else in my life would fall neatly into place. I can't keep living like this, but I don't even know where to begin to fix everything. 
