I've been feeling a little down lately, so I thought I'd write something here about what I've been feeling. Maybe someone out there may offer some kind of words of encouragement. Maybe not.
You see, I've spent the majority of my life alone. I grew up pretty much on my own. Living with my father and my older brother, both leaving the house early and not coming home 'till late, which meant I had to fend for myself before and after school. And that started when I was very young.
I failed on my marriage. We only lived together for about four years, yet we still remain married, we're just good friends now. She lives in another part of the country, along with my grown up daughters.
I've lived in several places within the UK. And, even lived in Germany for about four years.
All these years I've never met any other female, either ending up in a relationship, or even a one night stand. I have a real strong personality flaw. I love attractive women, ever since I was old enough to notice girls, pretty girls that is. It's stuck with me all my life. Though, I've never really been the kind of man the majority women found attractive, at least attractive work wanting to get to know.
So, I've spend the majority alone and almost sexless. I've even had failed encounters with the few prostitutes I met when I was in my early 20's. So bad were a couple of encounters that I'm completely put off by them.
But that is not the only thing that has contributed towards my unhappy feelings. I guess moving to the UK, then a while in Germany, then back, has given me an opportunity to see the USA in a different perspective. That and the Iraq and Afgan wars has also taught me how cheap life really is. Do Americans really care about the lives of people outside of the US? For that matter how about within the US? From my perspective I don't think so.
The lies and deceit by the American politicians, big business...
I've been feeling a little down lately, so I thought I'd write something here about what I've been feeling. Maybe someone out there may offer some kind of words of encouragement. Maybe not.
You see, I've spent the majority of my life alone. I grew up pretty much on my own. Living with my father and my older brother, both leaving the house early and not coming home 'till late, which meant I had to fend for myself before and after school. And that started when I was very young.
I failed on my marriage. We only lived together for about four years, yet we still remain married, we're just good friends now. She lives in another part of the country, along with my grown up daughters.
I've lived in several places within the UK. And, even lived in Germany for about four years.
All these years I've never met any other female, either ending up in a relationship, or even a one night stand. I have a real strong personality flaw. I love attractive women, ever since I was old enough to notice girls, pretty girls that is. It's stuck with me all my life. Though, I've never really been the kind of man the majority women found attractive, at least attractive work wanting to get to know.
So, I've spend the majority alone and almost sexless. I've even had failed encounters with the few prostitutes I met when I was in my early 20's. So bad were a couple of encounters that I'm completely put off by them.
But that is not the only thing that has contributed towards my unhappy feelings. I guess moving to the UK, then a while in Germany, then back, has given me an opportunity to see the USA in a different perspective. That and the Iraq and Afgan wars has also taught me how cheap life really is. Do Americans really care about the lives of people outside of the US? For that matter how about within the US? From my perspective I don't think so.
The lies and deceit by the American politicians, big business and religious institutions is beyond me. I can believe Americans tolerate such bullshit that is going on in their country, which affects the majority of the people in the world in one form or another. It seems that only the rich and powerful matter. Everyone is just cannon fodder.
I've manage to shed a lot of the bullshit taught to me when I growing up in America, about how great America is - yea, great at nearly killing off the Native Americans, stealing their land, and fucking each other over, as well as exporting their brand of so-called morality - about it's exceptionalism and how it is exporting its brand of democracy around the world, and all that crap. Those of you reading this, America is not a democracy. The owners of America just give you the illusion that it is.
Fortunately I've even shed all that religious crap I learned from school, relatives and the stupid crap coming out of the TV and radio. I've free myself and even learned the Truth. Unfortunately learning the Truth, setting yourself free does not necessarily bring you happiness.
I've lost what little passion I've ever had about various things I thought as important to my life. Without being passionate about life, or things that are important within your life, then you lose all hope. Hope for a bright and secure future. Hope for happiness, happiness with someone you are passionate for and in love with.
Fortunately I'm not suicidal. Nope. I guess I'm curious how long I can live to see how far humans continue to screw up this planet before I die. Maybe somewhere, somehow, someone will come to the world and save the day. Hopefully it will be someone who will speak the truth about what is really going on and tell the people of the world, in a simple way, that if we don't change we'll all kill ourselves trying to live a life where each and everyone of us seeks personal gratification at the expense of the person next to use.
We've grown selfish, and it shows in the wars we start, and the way we our killing our planet. If any humans really deserve to exist are the natural people. Those who fight to continue to live in harmony with nature, rather than exploit and rape her.
I'm a lost cause. I don't matter. I guess that extends to the rest of the human race. As I said, life is cheap. So are my words, and my feelings.
Oh, how sad to live in these times.
At least I'm comfortable at the moment. I got a nice little one bedroom flat not far from the centre of Edinburgh, a lovely little city I've grown found of. I have my favourite music to listen to, a nice collection of DVDs and earn enough to keep me fed and pay my bills. What else can I ask for? Well, she does not exist. And all these years I've been waiting for her, she's not appeared.
What's that saying? '... good things come to those who wait?' Something like that? Bullshit. Don't wait, go after it. Otherwise you'll grow old, like me, alone and nothing to look forward to.
Well, that's all I got to say.
I'll come back at a later time and write something new if I'm feeling a little better. Or, until my subscription expires.
Miguel
You see, I've spent the majority of my life alone. I grew up pretty much on my own. Living with my father and my older brother, both leaving the house early and not coming home 'till late, which meant I had to fend for myself before and after school. And that started when I was very young.
I failed on my marriage. We only lived together for about four years, yet we still remain married, we're just good friends now. She lives in another part of the country, along with my grown up daughters.
I've lived in several places within the UK. And, even lived in Germany for about four years.
All these years I've never met any other female, either ending up in a relationship, or even a one night stand. I have a real strong personality flaw. I love attractive women, ever since I was old enough to notice girls, pretty girls that is. It's stuck with me all my life. Though, I've never really been the kind of man the majority women found attractive, at least attractive work wanting to get to know.
So, I've spend the majority alone and almost sexless. I've even had failed encounters with the few prostitutes I met when I was in my early 20's. So bad were a couple of encounters that I'm completely put off by them.
But that is not the only thing that has contributed towards my unhappy feelings. I guess moving to the UK, then a while in Germany, then back, has given me an opportunity to see the USA in a different perspective. That and the Iraq and Afgan wars has also taught me how cheap life really is. Do Americans really care about the lives of people outside of the US? For that matter how about within the US? From my perspective I don't think so.
The lies and deceit by the American politicians, big business...