i miss you sweetie. i know you probably won't read this for months. i just didn't want you to forget how much i love you. have fun on warped tour!

-shannon

Wow, been a while since I've type on this be-i-itch huh? Well my band here in good ol KC, well we're doin' ok for ourselves I suppose... Luckly I think the kids like us? Which means a hell of alot... Well we're gettin' our CD out soon, it's 6 tracks, we got it all finished and mixed... now we're waitin' on it to be compressed and mastered... Should have it next sun. We got 2 tracks up of a VERY rough mix if you wants to check em out, go to ... www.myspace.com/outlawpunks well hope all yous out there are doin' LOVELY! Take care...

T.J.

So last sunday, a week and a day ago - do the math mother fuckers... I recked my car... Well some dumb cunt in a BRANDNEW Lexus ran me off the road, right into a devider - which made my airbags blow, which threw my hands off the stearing wheel, and my car flew over to the other side of the road and front first into another wall... This car is my baby, my 91 Lincoln Towncar, she was perfect... So I got it brought into the shop to get looked at, and it was gonna take bout 3 G's just to make it run again, let alone the body work that would have had to be done... Fuckin' sucks dick! TOTALLED out... Well what can you do? I just had to vent alil, cuz I had that car for barely over a year and it's been fucked up 2 times (none my fault believe it or not)... Oh oh oh! And to top it off, that cunt in the Lexus drove off, never even touched her breaks actually - just kept drivin'... So no insurance, no nothin' - I couldnt even get her license #... Well I'm gonna go smoke a crack rock... Stay up Fuckers!

Got drunk and played pirates lastnight with Travis and Jordan... Great times... Now fuck off, bye!

I'm home bored... and watchin' some fat bitch get lipo-suction on T.V. I'm tired of shit... Of life and all that... Fuckin' regular life isnt for me, and well I'm 22 and that's where I'm at, was in school - kinda still am? But dont attend... Work a regular job, and I'm in a local band... I see all these kids at like 18 already signed and tourin' and shit and I feel old... I felt like shit at 18 and not bein' there, and now I'm 22 and still in the same place... Kansas City is my home, I love it... Specially my family, and my freinds - which half of them are like family anyways... For real, I've never had as good of friends... but KC is dead and old and borin', prolly alot to do w/ the winter time and the fact it's still pretty cool out for bein' so close to summer or spring or whateva the fuck... But the winter just killed me - so blah and filled w/ nothingness... I just recently got back from LA, and I love it out there - been there a million times, it's my home away from home... but when I leave it's like I"m leavin' home... If I was where I was 2 years ago (The nobody looser w/ no friends and no life) I'd be livin' out there right now... But I got alot back here, all that I love... But it still sucks when noone does nothin' - and everything is dead - and there's not shit goin' on... Last summer was great, even when there wasnt shit - it was great we rand KC like it was our city, like we owned it... And we did sons of bitches... But so far there's nothin' goin' on?!?! Ok enough bitchin', I just gotta hang in there till punk rock prom this fri - which will be great, not to mention how much I look forward to the alchohol!!! YESM... Ok bye now...

I'm drunk again... And well that makes me happy... So yes, Hi... To all Hi... and I'm on the phone w/ my most beautiful girl ever... She's great... But anyways, ummm goodnight fuckers... And fuck-faces too...

Sincerely yours,
The Sonic Reducer

(Whateva that means??? I'm just listenin' to that right now!?! Ok bey)

YOooooo bitches and hoes... I'm back from L.A. now... And damn was it fun... Me and Shannon didnt wanna even come back, specially since we stayed in the same room for 7 nights, it started feelin' like home... It was a shit ton of fun... We went everywhere... Stayed right at Hollywood Blvd, where there was always shit goin' on, and Sunset was like 2 seconds away... We went over to Venice Beach, Melrose w/ all the crazy ass shops, even went to Rodeo drive for the fucks of it - which was depressin', it wasnt all that great!?! We also went down to Orange County to Hunting beach, and Anaheim and shit... Went and saw the Premeire to Live Freaky Die Freaky that my homeboy got us into... It was a crazy ass movie, Blunt as hell - worse almost then most of the Troma shit even... But yeah, it was great - we felt a lil homesick leavin' cuz we loved it so much, but shit we're back in Kansas City - throwin' down w/ the niggaz and bitches KC stylee - or something like that... Ok bye now...

Dis niggas drunk, and damnit I loves it... I went and picked up the ever so beautiful Texas... And rolled over to get the most beautiful girl in my life, then strolled over to the GWAR show! I mean fuck, 2 jack and cokes, a few beers, and some pink tangy shit one of my other homegirls left there... Followed by the extremely brutal killings of Arnold Swartzinaga;sd;rinawi;ljgkajfgioaengt (Gov. of Cali, that guy - terminator man), Mikeal jackson, Lacy Perterson, Our gay ass piece of shit president Mr. George Bush, a blonde cunt ass bitch, and some demons and robots later - I would say all I could get from the show, and alchohol... What more would you wanna do... But fuck??? I really wanted to fuck, shiiit... But now I'm home and tired - and I'd rather just crawl into bed with my girlfriend and sleep... The show was amazin', I mean I'm a nice person, but that shit was funny - you couldnt help but laugh... And all the blood and pussy and dicks, it was great! The shit they pull, I mean just the fact GWAR went to the topics they did, you cant help but love it... Ok well enough said I'm out peace boyeees...

Ok a few few days ago there was a WHOLE beautiful journal written but yours truely... I didnt have time, TILL NOW, to respond... And now I finally have a few minutes to comment on it... First you say you use to listen to me and thought everything I said was heart felt and loyal, but now you dont? You want something genuine and truthful - fine... I've told you pleanty of time how I felt bout you... How you're extremely selfish, and spoild, shaddy, and very manipulative! These words have came out many times, but through fights... But I'm am genuine, and heart felt - and when I said those things it wasnt just because we were fightin'... It was said because with allll my heart that is how I truely truely feel! The last time you were here - yeah the time you came here and tried sayin' you were gonna leave w/ some random 25 year old to chicago and put that on my parents... One of the most craziest fuckin' shit i've heard from you - and I've heard ALOT! And I told you how I cant believe you'd put me in that possition, but more then all I cant believe you'd even mention doin' that to my parents... Then you used that poor guy and made him buy a ticket alll spur of the moment, and then call him the next day and tell him he cant come? Yeah well I went off on you - told you how I think you play this sweet girl image, and how you "Hate shaddy ass self righteous girls"... Well why you think you preach soo much bout hatin' them - cuz you're prolly the biggest one of all of em... Yeah, good front but I'm not buyin' it, I didnt then and I"m DEFINATELY not how - I'm just not scared to admit it... And after all the shit you talk, and all the manipulatin' you did... Takin' shit that I had every right to be thinkin', and every right to be pissed off for and turnin' it around to make it look like I"m the worlds worst man - "But you still love me, You're just shocked and disapointed in me"... Well I'm not gonna let you do that again - you've done it ONE too many times... Shocked at all this? You shouldnt be, I've said it all before - this time I'm lettin' you know I MEAN it, with all my heart, and I have for a long long time now - yeah long enough to be waaay back when we were together - for a long long time at that even... For years in our relationship I've been feelin' all this and it grew and grew the more we were together... And now I'm not with you, and I've been doin' my best to avoid you in any kinda relationship level (yeah just friendly even) you're still doin' this to me... You're lettin' our freindship go forever? Thanks, that's what I was tryin' to back away from - cuz I'm sick of your shit... I keep you weak? How? By tellin' you the truth, that's all I've ever did - bring up shit that really happened, point out the true you - cuz you know what, you dont even know the true you - I DO THOUGH!!! You might think this shit is pretty harsh, but shit - it's the truth, and it discusses me when you think all the shit you did to me was "Cute and harmless". Let me ask you, how cute and harmless is it to fuck w/ my head for 3 years, to put lies on top of lies for 3 years? How harmless is it to fuck w/ peoples hearts? Prolly pretty harmless to you bein' that you have a tendancy of doin' it ALOT! I was unbelievably shocked when I read that you called it "CUTE" of all things and "harmless"... Let me tell you something, I got sooo sick of your shit that if there was a gun next to me, it would have sounded really good against my head - and dont think for 2 seconds that all those times spent on the phone when I was goin' through your mind fuck manipulations I didnt honestly think bout how much better that sounded then bein' stuck with your shit... I really couldnt handle it anymore, for whateva reason I was stuck in it - and I regret that more then anything... I thank Shannon for showin' me how it is to really be treated w/ respect and love, and snappin' me outta it and finally gettin' that push from seein' how it's suppose to be in a good relationship to get outta shit with you! And since we're on the topic of Shannon, how dare you put any doubt in her head w/ me... Yeah I heard bout your letter to her when you were here and how you said "Dont believe everything you hear bout me... I really am a good person..." Tellin' my new girlfriend who I love with all my heart, who means the world to me and I'm finally startin' over with fresh and new and right... With no lies, no doubt, nothin' negative straight from the start... You tell her to not believe me? Why would you do that to her, not me but her - think bout hearin' from an ex to not believe everythign you hear from the guy you love and are tryin' to start to know more and more of... That's just sooo wrong... You broke me down, you made me the most depressed I've ever been in my life - I LOVE life with ounce of me, and when I was with you I was ready for it to be over! I like to think I'm a pretty damn good person, and I care greaty bout people... But I also have a good grasp on what LOVE and HATE is all about... And fuck with me, and disrepect me long enough and you'll see the bad side of me - cuz above everything I care bout myself greatly and will not get walked all over... I just cant believe I let you for as long as you did... Well I'm out, and I'm glad - and here's a big FUCK YOU to you too for all the wrong you've ever did - to me, and most of all to my friends and family... Cuz my TRUE friends and family I care bout more then you'll ever know! The lies to me, the lies to my own fuckin' family - that let you into their house - to my friends... All the manipulatin', all the shaddy - self righteous - and the usin' other people as scape goats to hide all this, to hide what a selfish bitch you can be is stoppin'... Take all that shit, all that you've ever done, manipulated, and lied bout and FUCK OFF!!! With that said, I hate that I had to say all this... I hate that it's come to this, but you did it again to me - and I'm tired of it, you turn the tables around when you know you have every right to be in that spot - and push them onto me and make me look horrible, make you look "Cute and harmless"... And I know you look more harmless then me now, cuz I was harsh and you were "Disappointed but still love me"... BULLSHIT, you were again manipulative and shaddy and extremly self righteous... That's why you make yourself sound so sweet in that, but hurt... So You dont look bad... That's why you felt the need to write to Shannon and make yourself look like the victim, to not look bad - that's all you care bout... And yes I was very harsh - but I was real, and that's alot more respectable I think then bein fake and shaddy, and havin' no heart... I could go on bout this stuff for hours, there's years of shitty things you've done to me... You've done all this to me enough, well not this time, thanx...

Where's a gun??? ... ... ... Here's my head!!!