Times running out on my account and I don't plan on coming back. If you'd like to stay in touch let me know because I'm ditching all my old handles on IM's as well. Ditching my emails and getting new my space as well. Met some new guy and he researched my handles every way he could and when he turned out to be a freak I regretted being so loose with my info. The change is for the future freaks not you old ones that i love so dearly. And if you want me to leave you alone, then leave me alone ok? It's really that simple.

I leave you with The Burden Brothers, or maybe we'll talk soon

either way i must burst into song

It's a beautiful night for feeling lonely
A beautiful night for being afraid
So raise your hands, you one and only's
You one-of-a-kinds who feel this way

I don't want to talk, don't want to explain it
I don't want to fuck and I don't want to fight
It's only a feeling, it's fleet and fading
It's all over the world, and it's only tonight

Cause it's a beautiful night, beautiful night, yeah
Beautiful night, beautiful night to be here

It's a perfect time for being wasted
A perfect time to watch the stars
So throw back your head
Come on, embrace it
It's a beautiful night, wherever you are

All good things will come to you
Maybe tonight, maybe tonight it's the truth
I don't know

All good things to those who dream
Maybe tonight, maybe tonight we'll find peace
God I hope so

So raise your hands, raise your hands...

All good friends, they stood by you
And one at a time, one at a time they fell down
They fall down

All your fears are coming true and
This is the time, this is the time of your life
That defines you

So raise your hands, raise your hands...

Under the stars I'm alone among strangers
Confused, connected, diffused and alive
Maybe the future will smile on us
Maybe the future is here tonight

I was listening to one of my favorite songs, a love song a man wrote for his wife. The couple didn't end up staying together. Just because a love is great doesn't mean it will last, and just because a love didn't last, doesn't mean it wasn't great.

The song:

You fill up my senses
Like a night in a forest
Like a mountain in springtime
Like a walk in the rain
Like a storm in the desert
Like a sleepy blue ocean
You fill up my senses
Come fill me again
Come let me love you
Let me give my life to you
Let me drown in your laughter
Let me die in your arms
Let lay down beside you
Let me always be with you
Come let me love you
Come love me again

I miss my cuddle buddy. He texted me that he missed me too and it got stuck on my cell phone, I can't open it, and I can't delete it, it was frustrating but its somewhat romantical, now I can't forget, that he misses me too, sometimes when its been a long time since I've seen him I start to wonder, and it always turns out I had nothing to worry about. But evertime i look at my cell phone I have a message, he misses me.

had this real nice post all set up and it just disapeared, i didin't even realise i'd pushed any buttons. Of course I don't feel like writing it again. So here's the short version. because i'm bipolar i got that kinda mood swing where i feel really powerful, just completely consumed with it, it may be the best part of being bipolar, and when it was over i was walking around with a smirk feeling like i'd just had some nasty sex.
Its so corny it makes me want to wretch but i feel like blade or ginger snaps from the movies where I have to take this medication to keep the monster inside me from being released, and the medicine isn't working like it used to and people I love are getting hurt anyway. Good thing lifes not really like the movies cause those storys don't really end well do they?

I dropped a knife on my foot, I'm bloody brilliant.

I haven't slept in a while, i'm sure i'll feel better when i do i'm prety worthless right now. Its a long story.-

I had a great time with my cuddle buddy thursday. It went way beyond cuddling and I'm very happy about that. He's so very cute, he's just my type, and from the begining I've doubted we'd ever have a fututre but I'm really attatched to him at this point. I'm very sweet on him, and how could I not be. We were talk9ng about singers or bands we like that we don't want to admit that we like and he said Randy Travis, I'm not much for country but I think he's really good. And he said he liked him mainly because he sang this old song he really liked, King of the Road, and right off I started singing it, because I have childhood memories with that song. And he said he was impressed that I knew it. Maybe he could start taking me seriously. I love what a normal average hard working guy he is, he makes me feel safe and at peace and then all the yummy feelings too. I hope i'm not jinxing things by gushing like this, and tomorrow he ends it, isn't that how it always works? But then, no matter how I worry, he always comes back to me, and it turns out I didn't really have a reason to worry.

looks like another good day

I put some pictures of me on here last night but they aren't showing up. Maybe thats a sign. I dunno I did it cause a group I want to join requires pictures. I'd rather peeps just ask for a picture if they want one.

Had a good day, blah blah blah, I'm glad horrorchick was around to talk to.

Ever dance with the devil in the pale moon light?

I dreamt I got this pet pig, I was very fond of it, and Ross the Intern said he would take it outside for me and he ended up giving it to someone in a truck who drove off with it. He thought it would be funny to be arrested for stealing a pig in Texas.
This is one of those dreams that seems completely random but when I think about whats been going on and what I've been afraid of lately its not random at all. Would take too long to explain but its a funny sounding dream so I posted it.