2013, we just slipped into the 9th year of mine here...

In the meantime, you can check this out and leave a like.

London Burlesque Festival - Melitta Honeycup

Xxx

2012 will mark my 8th year of being an SG, how about that?

Time flies

London Burlesque Week

it was a dumb idea, Im not doing this blog thingy or at least not here

bye

Next show!!!

Married.

I wanna cry out loud
I wanna run away
I wanna go home...

home?
Oh, I forgot I dont have that...

I have 10 years of constant escape behind my back, at the beginning it only could get worse every time and it did, I learned the lessons and I figured my way to a decent-ish life in Spain...

It was always quite clear I didnt fit in, I was a special little girl, but never the way I was expected to be, I had an air of obsession rather than love, obsessed they were, most, not even a few, in love...

Im sitting in a city that I dont know, I have not much to do and ask myself what the fuck am I doing here?
The answer: Im getting married soon...

what is this?
A statement, a commitment, call it the way you want...

what is the story?
I was 16, pure, fresh, naiv, almost a virgin... lost, angry, sad, curious...
So I met this dude on a gig, was quite annoying, was trying to get rid of him all night, but kept coming back, miraculously (note sarcasm) by the end of the concert I found out he was the same guy I met once a while back, that Canadian guy...
I was moving in the city again, to a new place, as my "aunt" had some nasty divorce issues going on and I could not at her place any more...
The place seemed nice at first, brothers friends place, looking forward the parties and all the fun... that never came along... by now I can walk by that street again without the need of throughing up, though never tried walking by the building, might never will...
dark memories are never worth recalling

I was lost for this man (cuz he was a lot older than me), could never understand why he appeared and disappeared, the first time was the worst. I was asking myself why cant he at least tell me to piss off or drop dead or such, my big bro told me the simple reason: guys like to leave that simple pathway back to appear 2 months later with a cheap excuse in order to fuck you again... Surely it was not like that, but that did not save me from what was coming... some months of darkness and lies, nobody knew what was happening, neither did I, till I woke up and spent the following years numb, going with the flow...

Could never deal with the fact that there was no way of seeing him, he was fucking everywhere, and if not surely everybody knew him at least.... I was going home one day when he bumped into me again, by this time I was only slightly annoyed, caused no pain any more...
Another drama came along and the numbness didnt let me stay, I left, I was looking for nothing...

One day I woke up again and there was no numbness any more, I went down the street and looked at myself and asked where are my clothes? where am I?
I made a decision, I was not going back...
Fucked up, without money, then She came along, the one who always and will ever love me, no matter what happens, I went home with Her and stayed there, then She stayed with me, I had a certain something I considered home, built up a life...

I left all to be with him...

Its 5:30 in the morning, the fog has already fallen down after the cold rain, the window and the balcony door is wide-open, mom is taking in the clothes, I have to hurry up, need to leave the house at 6:00 to catch the suburban train, I wanna take the bike, because I dont want to walk my way on the road next the railway, its abandonned as always, there are no sidewalks and the underground crossings are more than creepy. It is said that a girl coming home at a night was murdered last year. 17, almost, like me...
Mom does not let me take the bike, because its dangerous she says, fear shivers over my body, another day going to school, every morning seems an eternity...

I wake up in my bed, and almost 10 years later I still dont know what was I so afraid of...

Bye-bye Barcelona

so my time to move on has come, I will be heading out to Montreal soon, leaving this beloved city behind with all the people I love so much...
I grew up here, I arrived as a confused little girl with basically nothing left to loose, I had no faith, no strengt, no goals. I started to travel around with my lazy stripper job, that I was not able to do well any more, it was all pointless hanging around with people I hardly knew and had basically nothing in common with. It took me quite a lot of time to find my way out, but this happened in Barcelona, this was the place where I could get the feedback I needed to start to believe in myself, and maybe a bit in the rest of the world.

I remember, it was a cold december day, I was only 17, at that time I used to live near Jászai in Budapest, a friend took a cd with bondage and sex photos over and among them there was a picture of Marie, I was more than impressed, I read the url of the site and fell in love immediately, I knew I wanted to do this as soon as I could... That time was so different... I was 16 when I got my first piercing, thinking that I might get a tattoo later on, you know that small kind, that can be well covered by a normal casual outfit... the next thing I remember is getting out of the tattoo shop after 3 sessions with my birds on my belly and I wanted more...
I thought with SG I would find the right place, girls like me, who look like me or not, but have kinda same ideals as I do. i applied as soon I turned 18, I was sooo excited. When I made my application there was less than a hundred girls, it really seemed like a family...
I dont feel like being archived, its like becoming a ghost here, but neither feel like pretending to be a happy SG...
5 years have passed, the site changed, I changed, I dont feel familiar with this anymore...

So what??
Enjoy my new upcoming set

Im reachable through my myspace profile, but dont be surprised if I dont aswer your messages here, cuz I wont be around much...

Bye