So I guess there was a big sports event today, Not sure what it was I think it was a rerun from four years ago. All kidding aside it wasn't that bad a game full of drama and just enough big plays to make it a great game, blown calls, bad penalties, yep not a bad game at all. Someone won, it doesn't matter who, it was a spectacle and that's what the NFL wanted. I got a lot of reading done during the game I'd catch the replays when the announcers got excited. Clash of Kings is just amazing, such an intricate story.
I am devouring the book I can't seem to put it down for long, I'd blame it for my lack of sleep but to be honest, I don't know what is causing it. My mind races with so many disjointed and disconnected rambling thoughts. Everything from my mother, my late father, my sister, my son, my ex! my job, upcoming events, I can't make sense of them or quiet my mind like I've been able to do previously with meditation and that really bothers me. I've always been able to control my thoughts with meditation and the cognitive behaviour therapy that I learned while sitting in on my ex's sessions for her bi-polar disorder.
It is times like this that I truly miss my father. He was never an emotional guy, even though I never said it to his face I would often think of him a Mr. Spock, he never let his emotions get in the way of what needed to be done or the advise he gave. He would never cut them out of the important things, he was a loving father and husband but he was a rational man and I could use some of that now to quiet my mind.
Everything has just been spinning around so much I hardly spent time with my son today which was unfair to him. He deserves better from me but he's more understanding than I was at that age. Perhaps it's the age we live in he certainly has more information and access to it than I did, and having parents that don't get along puts a different perspective on life for him than I did. Sometimes I think he is too smart for his own good. I try to be a good father but that is another of those thoughts swirling around in my head.
For now I'm going to chalk all this up to a lack of exercise and winter blues though with the +7 degree weather that we've had here lately I can't really complain, it's been more like an extended fall. Gym tomorrow, a sedative tonight, just to make sure, and perhaps the phantoms of my mind can be quieted.

Sorry for the LONG blog but I ramble when I'm sleepy.