Where I live

There's a cold front coming through
its gonna take all the love in the world
to keep me warm
tomorrow I wake
to a brand new storm.

I like storms but not in my front yard
the wind is fierce, its roaring loud
tossing my dreams around like leaves
it hit my house and it hit it hard.

Rap tapping the windows
the lights blink and buzz
i try to keep toasty with a blanket
and try not to remember what was
times when i didn't need a blanket
to burn in the night
how many years now
since i've been held tight

but i think in dreams
and my dreams are wishes
floating around like
little lost fishes
in a sea of what could have been
and what still could be

If i wasn't free,
I don't think i'd still be me.

Im going to finish this poem.if i ever get a decent nights sleep. Does it seem sad like my usual stuff.? I guess i can't tell from responses to past projects. I dont feel depressed when i'm thinking of it.

your the most beautiful thing here
best thing to happen in years
beauty pagent winners are shit eating grinners
the stars aint got nothin on you
ive been holding my breath
untill i had a reason to breathe
untill you gave me a reason thats true

I think i finally managed to end things with jerm. i pissed him off on accident and it felt so good i just ran with it. he wrote me a nasty letter and i officially told him to leave me alone and blocked him. YAY me. i have a lot of dirt on him so maybe he really will leave well enough alone. i'm pretty much done with sg, i'm on a gift account anyway. i can find other ways to meet friends. other message boards. This was supposed to be my secret safe place and i got completely outed. I'm not even sure how it all happened. if anyone wants to stay in touch let me know. i feel relieved but kinda sick at the same time, but i've been up since three this morning. I wish i had someone i could call but most people are asleep or at work or they know jerm so i can't talk to them.

So many people gonna say that they want you,
To try to get you thinking they really care,
But there's nothing like the warmth of the one
who has put in the time
and you know he's gonna be there

~Gavin DeGraw~

I've moved my journal, pretty sure the locals won't find this one. I'll try to still post here sometimes to stay active, i think i have a few more months on this account.

I'm very greatful for the friends i've made here.

I don't know whats wrong with me, i'm tired all the time, all i want to do is sleep. coffee isn't even helping much. I thought it would pass but its been this way about a week now. When i am awake i've been working on learning spanish, i have that rosetta stone program. Sometimes I play sims 2 or world of warcraft. I manage to get out of the house almost every day going out to eat or going to the store. Not much else to do other than that. I'm not sure if sleeping too much is better or worse than not sleeping much at all. I don't get all emotional, but i feel like so much time is wasted.

for awhile,
everything seemed to be going my way
come what may
now i'm crushed and i don't know what to say
come what may

wish washey wishing
day dreams of kissing
glorious nights galore
all that and more
oh so much more

and i'm waiting, tick tock
it will come again, and i'm waiting
lonely lonesome moments i'm hating, waiting
I try to keep my spirits high,
but they are fading
waitng waiting

tick tock
melting clocks
running time
i cannot cry
so i scream in it rhyme
waiting
hating

and that is how i met you dear
and yes i will meet you again
the world at my door doesn't matter
all i hear is the little pitter patter
of you sneaking out the back door
nevermore, evermore

I should stop wishing for the sun to shine, for more than a day
doesn't matter what i want, it simply doesn't happen that way
hating, the waiting
come what may

so we did the hallow thing tonight to miss the rush. i started by getting an obscenely large cherry vanilla coke and caffinating myself till sundown. Then we went to a haunted house. The playhouse actually does the haunted house so we knew everyone there. Ooh oh when the ghosts know your name. As soon as we got there it was announced like "Elvis has entered the building" cause mom is on the board of directors. It was nice seeing everyone. I guess this was a really normal day for me because it didn't feel painful being out around people. It was nice smiling to everyone. I don't talk much when moms around, i feel redundant, like theres two of us. She had her game face on and was bright and cheerful. She doesn't like haunted houses but it was good for her to go and see as a member. She stayed bright and cheerful the whole time saying "No Thank You" to creatures wanting to suck her blood and the like while i was about to wet my pants the whole time. I had to force myself to keep my eyes open so i wouldn't cheat myself out of the expirience. I mean i know its all not real but my instincts are still screaming "be scared! be scared!" I dont' know why none of it scared her.
Then i did the party thing, i left just before the guys had had enough to drink to think i looked good. Funny how i'm suddenly Miss America when everyones drunk and i'm one of the only unattatched chickies there. Greg was like "Are you a celebrity or something? your just making an appearance?" and i'm thinking yes asshole thats exactly it.
Then I had some chocolate milk and watched leatherheads hehe. I have some simpler plans for the real holiday.

lets try this again and aim for non depressing, its from the musical i won the lighting award for.

Life is a holiday. I'm talking June through May.
A nightly sell out show, and baby I'm front row.
Bye-Bye to lonely nights.
Only nights when the two of us can coo.
Skies are sunny and clear, Long as I'm here with you.

The world's a sugar bowl. It sevens ev'ry roll.
Sneak peek at paradise; the view is mighty nice.
I got no blues to sing; choose to sing a melody for two.
Happy ending is near, long as I'm here with you.

Life is a holiday. I'm talking June through May.
A nightly sell out show , and baby I'm front row

I got no blues to sing; choose to sing a melody for two.
Happy ending is near, long as I'm here with you.
Who care if there's no booze, or that the Yankees loose?
Can't pay my income tax, but in spite of the facts,
No one ask for more,kid in a candy store!
The jackpot has been hit;
I'm living proof of it. And as for all that passed,
Call that past! I found a heart that's true.
What a red letter year, long as I'm here with you
And you, and you, and you, and you, and you and yeah you too.
So happy dear, long as I'm here with, long as I'm here with you!

thankyouverymuch *bow*