SuicideGirl: Maedusa
suicidegirl

Maedusa n'a rien à dire.

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JULY 25, 2008 @ 03:41 AM | 3 COMMENTS

You can find awesome things on Youtube ...











I'm just a fan of Tegan smile
JULY 23, 2008 @ 09:36 AM | 17 COMMENTS

Hi everybody, I'm back ! smile

My backpacking in Bretagne ( FRANCE ) was really great. I enjoyed it and we met amazing people.
I think I needed it. Nature, wild life, simple people, physical activity, fresh wind, ... ( 240km in 9-10 days )
I found answers to some of the questions I was asking before the trip, I feel more "centered, balanced" in myself.
I'm willing so much to have my new flat. I've been thinking of it during all our trip. I'd like to do some modifications, build my new "home" as I wish it, I've plenty of ideas. It will be possible from the 4th of August, soon, soon .. ♥

I still don't know wich will be the place of SG in my future life. Lot of changes are coming... For example, I'm a vegetarian and I think I'm going to begin to eat only raw food. We met a man, a "master", a .. waouw. A kind of spiritual guid. Amazing. I gonna eat raw food "only". First, I try to not eat bread, grains, pasta, and dairy products, except raw milk cheeses... wink Yes, it will be difficult biggrin

I guess you'd like to have some pics so ..



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JUNE 30, 2008 @ 01:28 PM | 9 COMMENTS

J'en appelle aux bretons, normands, et les autres...

Mon amoureux et moi projetons de partir de Carnac, dans le Morbihan, et de revenir jusqu'en Belgique.
Nous allons passer par la Picardie, la Haute et Basse Normandie, le Nord-Pas-De-Calais, puis la Belgique.

Je souhaiterais savoir si vous connaissez des hauts lieux énergétiques dans ces environs, des endroits liés à des légendes païennes, druidiques, etc...

Nous visiterons d'office la forêt de Brocéliande, mais je suis ouverte à toutes vos propositions ! smile



Merci à tous ♥
JUNE 26, 2008 @ 03:40 PM | 11 COMMENTS

French post because I'm tired and because only french people can find a kind of interest into what I gonna tell now...

Bonjour les goumiches smile ( et les gars aussi,oui wink )

En fait, j'ai une pas super chouette nouvelle à vous annoncer. Je ne viendrai pas au Tattoo Art Fest frown
D'un point de vue financier, c'est vraiment chaud de me le permettre mais pour vous voir, je l'aurais fait. Donc ce n'est pas la raison de ma décision.
Non, pour être franche, je ne le fais que par amour. Parce que cela fait un mois et demi que je suis très peu avec mon amoureux, qu'on ne fait pratiquement que se croiser, c'est insupportable, je suis quelqu'un de passionnel, de fusionnel, d'extrême et d'irréfléchi. J'aime de façon incontrôlée, et là c'est l'homme de ma vie et je ne le vois plus.
Là, il a enfin fini ses examens depuis lundi, mais moi je continue à bosser. Il veut sortir, voir ses potes, boire jusqu'à plus soif... Moi je voudrais les accompagner, mais mes horaires me l'interdisent, sous peine d'arriver au boulot avec une gueule de bois "à rendre jaloux Pinocchio" ( ce qui m'est déjà arrivé deux fois cette semaine, en fait... )
Toujours est-il que voilà, quand je serai enfin libérée de mon boulot et lui de ses examens, je "devrai" partir à Paris, sans lui, loin de lui, et je sais que je le vivrai trop mal. De plus, il n'aime absolument pas le monde des Suicide Girls. Vous savez, mon amoureux, c'est un youkou, c'est un gauchiste, c'est un peace and love, c'est un tendre... Ce monde de têtes de morts, de piercings, d'étoiles, de tattoos, ... il ne le comprend pas, et n'y adhère pas. Au contraire, il me voit changer, cela l'inquiète, lui déplait un peu.

Et moi, je me pose mille questions sur mon orientation, sur ma vie, sur mon rapport au monde, ... enfin voilà, toutes ces questions existentielles de philosophe à deux balles, vous savez quoi...

Et il m'apparaît que cette façon de me complaire, de me blottir dans ma superficialité, croissante par ailleurs, n'est finalement qu'une fuite, un colmatage existentiel pour tromper mon propre moi, mon propre égo, sur sa condition. Je ne me sens pas bien, je me sens vide, et pour cause : je suis vide, je suis en plein néant spirituel et philosophique. Je me plais à m'adapter à quelque chose qui n'est qu'un "moi facile", un "moi raccourci", un "moi confortable"... Je me rassure en me disant que je gère les choses, que je m'y adapte, mais je choisis le chemin le plus confortable, et c'est celui qui comporte mes illusions...

Je m'emballe un peu, toujours est-il que.. bien que SuicideGirls soit une bouffée d'oxygène dans ma vie ( chaque matin je me lève plus tôt pour avoir ma "dose" au petit dej' ...) , je crois que cela peut aussi causer, à long terme, la perte irrémédiable de cette spiritualité à laquelle j'ai souhaité acceder il y a quelques temps. Et pourtant, cela n'est pas du tout une fatalité, et j'ai conscience que c'est ma façon d'aborder SG qui est en cause, c'est moi qui suis le noeud du problème. Mais, n'est-on pas toujours le noeud de nos problèmes ? .. Je crois que si.

Soit, tout ça pour dire que je ne viendrai pas au Tattoo Art Fest.
Je n'ai plus envie de me déshabiller pour le moment, même si j'ai des idées en attentes. Mon corps et moi-même sommes en conflit et j'ai des choses à régler avec lui, et des excuses à faire.
Je n'ai peut-être pas l'étoffe d'une SG. Aucune idée. Mais j'aimerais avoir le courage de parcourir les chemins qui me semblent bons, et là je crains de m'égarer pour le moment. J'ai besoin de me recentrer, réellement.

J'ai besoin de nature, de méditation, de tourne-disques, de lecture, d'encens, d'air pur, de pensées libres...

Je serai beaucoup moins présente dans les semaines à venir, je pense... Voyez cela comme une retraite...

Je vous embrasse, le plus sincèrement et honnêtement du monde, merci d'être là.


Maedusa, qui décide de mettre son nouveau nom de famille en vacances...
Donc c'est Maedusa tout court smile





On veut des fleurs et des sourires
Merci Jowy.
JUNE 22, 2008 @ 01:24 PM | 10 COMMENTS

SORRY, MATERIALIST POST frown

First, a non-materialist thing : Thanks a lot for all you say, for being here, when I'm down. I really appreciate it and I'm conscious that I'm lucky, Thank you smile


But now, I have to talk about some materialist things... You know : money, price of life, choices, wishes, aso...

Here is the situation :

I found a really nice flat for next year. It's not expensive for what it is, and where it is ( in a safe place of the capital city, Brussels, and close to my school ) but is a little bit to expensive for my parents. So, I have to help them, paying a part of the price. But, the problem is that I have to take it already in August... and my parents won't pay for this month.
I'm working for the moment, as you know, and I'll work again during summer hollidays, and I don't spend my money, I keep as much as I can, but I'm not sure I'll be able to have enough money to pay the whole year. I won't have the possibility to work during my school year so .. I have to find the money now.

Another problem is that, as you know too, there is the Tattoo Art Fest soon ( 4-5-6 of July ) and I really wanna go, because I miss my SG friends and that I feel alone here, without anybody who has the same kind of "crazy mind" here. Here, in my family, in my city, with my friends, I'm always the strange girl, the girl who tie her hair, the girl who wanna have tattoos, the girl who makes her own piercings, ... I NEED to have some time with people that really understand me, and not only on the internet. I NEED to be with them in the beginning of July.
But, I have to go to Paris, I found a "cheap" ticket but it's money I won't keep for the flat.
And into the fest, I'll probably do a tattoo so I'll have to pay for it...
And, then, I have to go to the place where my parents and my bf will already be for hollidays. I had to go with them but I asked them to arrive a little bit later because I really wanted to go to the Tattoo Art Fest.
I had to do the journey with Spleen but she has a problem so she can't come, and can't take in her car. SO, I'll have to pay for the ticket again, and it's expensive frown

For the flat, I need to have 330 euros + ( 12 x 90 euros ) = 1410 euros ( = 1918 dollars )
and I need a lot of money too for the Tattoo Art Fest frown

Of course, I'll have a part thanks to my job, but it won't be enough so I really need your help...


So.....


I really don't know what I can do ! frown I need a solution, what do you think ??

If you have some ideas, if you want me to sell you something, even if it seems strange ( you know, panties and this kind of funny things ), don't hesit.. It can also be what I was wearing in my set, or if you want to order exclusive private pics, ..... Please let me know !

I really need your help, once again... I don't know what I can do ...


Thanks to everybody, I love you smile love

JUNE 21, 2008 @ 04:27 PM | 14 COMMENTS

Hey people...

First, thank you very much for all your sweet comments on my last blog... I'm happy for having told you that, but I guess I'll delete this post some day... I really don't want that it remains here forever...

Then, my computer is alive love
I'm so so happy, it was nothing important, it was easy and cheap to repair it.
Maedusa = happy smile

But, in spite of this, I'm in a really depressive time of my life. Each day is more difficult for me. I feel alone and horribly sad... I've lot of difficulties with my boyfriend. I love him, really, but with his exams, my job, we don't see each other and I really suffer because of that...

I'm crying, and crying, again and again, I can't stop, I feel so bad....... I can't understand how I can feel so bad...


PS : I hate when I write blog like this one, because I find it really stupid from me tell that this way, I seem saying "Ho I'm a so sad girl, please, be sad with me, i'm a so so sad little girl". I find it stupid.
But, I still have really difficult to keep my smile for the moment, and I had to express it somewhere... sorry, it's for you smile

xoxo
JUNE 15, 2008 @ 12:56 PM | 36 COMMENTS

I didn't know when I would write this. Because it's difficult for me to talk about it, and my "broken english", as you say, don't make it easier.
But, don't ask why, I think it's a good moment to tell you my worst and my biggest secret.

It won't be a funny post so, if you're not in a "open-mind mood", just go now and come back later if you want to..

Well.. I'm going to begin by the beginning... It's the best, I think..

2 years and a half ago, my parents and I, we were a bit anxious cause I still didn't have my menstruations ( I guess you understand what I mean, I never talk about it in english so I don't know right words for that .. ).
I did an medical exam, a magnetic nuclear resonance, and I went to the waiting room with my mother.

We were waiting there, a little bit affraid, and the gynaeco ( that was a friend of the family, cause my dad is one too ) arrived, had a look at us and said "Come on, B.. ( my mom), .. and .. uh.. Maedusa, wait here 2 minutes please.."

At this moment, I understood that there were a problem. If he wanted to talk to my mother only, without me first, it wasn't normal...

I've been waiting, a short time that were one of the longer of my life... He came in the waiting room, called me, and I arrived in his office.

I saw my mother, with plenty of tears in her eyes, looking at me with sadness and pity. Then, she couldn't look at me anymore.

The doctor began to touch me, to look at my boobs, and some other things... to see if everything was normal.

Then, he began to talk. He said that what he had to tell me wasn't easy and that I should be strong. Somebody called him, he had to answer to the phone, so I stayed with my mom during a moment... She cried again, and told me that it's was difficult..
She asked me if I wanted to know what I have by her mounth or by the doctor's one. I asked her to tell me everything.

" Darling, ... You don't have a womb... You won't be able to have children.."


At this moment, I didn't know what to think, what to feel... The world was collapsing all around me.. and in the same time, I felt like I always knew it. There was so much things in my childhood that seems to tell that I already knew, years before...

I can't tell you how I felt during months after this. It was horrible. To be a mother was my dearest wish and .. WTF ...
Sometimes, I still have the feeling that I'm like a person without identity, not a man, not a woman.. just a thing that is not able to have children. I feel horribly sad in these times...

I want more again to have an androgynous body since this.. I already wanted this before, but.. now, it's like I would like to express this by my body. There are also moments where I want to enjoy my part of womanhood.

Well, so.. That's my story.



I just would like to ask you to not answer " You know, adoption is cool" or things like that. And, no, there is no chance for me to have a natural baby...

Please, be careful in your comments.. It's a really really difficult subject for me.. so ... be nice...

Thanks for reading me...

JUNE 15, 2008 @ 03:58 AM | 5 COMMENTS

Oooooooh people love

I'm so in love today. In love with my boyfriend, of course. But in love for something else : Dawson's Creek.
I'm having an amazing day, watching at Dawson's Creek (I have everything, the complete 6 seasons ♥ ).

I just LOVE it. I can't explain. It touched me deeeeeep inside, I know I'm a teen-victim but.. I LOVE it.

I think that, if I'm so "romantic" and "dreamer" about love, life, aso.. I think it's because of Dawson's Creek.

I find it... nice biggrin



PS : Yeaaaaah, pics of my panties are arriving but, because of my computer's problems, it's difficult to have my pics on my pc :s sorry !
JUNE 14, 2008 @ 01:43 PM | 2 COMMENTS

Hey people !

Maybe you've heard about Temper's problems. If you didn't, just check here !

Temper decided to sell prints here because she needs lot of money.

But SG is a great family and everyone wants to help her, so ... German SG launched a really nice thread to have more money.


So, I'd like to know : Could someone here be interested by one of my panties ? The money wouldn't be for me, everything will go to Temper ( You'll pay to her ) so it's really just for her.

I've never sold my panties for money, but I don't want that Temper has to let her puppy alone and go to jail ...

So, if you are interested by my panties, just tell it ! I'll check tomorrow what I can sell, I'll to some pics, and I'll let you know smile


JUNE 12, 2008 @ 10:39 AM | 13 COMMENTS

Dites, les Super Dupont, ........ vous me manquez.


opale, quand est-ce que je re-dors avec toi ?
Valium, J'attend toujours de revoir ton homme, et toi, et tes beaux nènès, et toi, et toi...
Dwam, je suis désolée pour ce que tu sais, je m'excuse sincèrement...
Sweety, Je dors chez toi bientôt...
Raia, je voudrais te rencontrer.
Pseekaal, je voudrais te connaître, hors de ta timidité.
Abbiss, chérie, quand est-ce que je t'embrasserai à nouveau ?
Horton, je veux te rencontrer, aussi, chérie...


Je vous aime smile love


( Je suis saoule oui... )

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