I am in the process of renting a house with two of my [male] co-workers. I'm getting excited about living with the boys, but they may just drive me nuts. I hope not.
The backyard alone is enough to want this house. Check it: two lime and plum trees, a cherry tree, a walnut tree that technically belongs to the neighbor, horseshoe pits, a bar-b-que pit, and a garden patch. It's a pretty big backyard. I will also get the master bedroom and my own bathroom -- oh yes.
. . .
Let's backtrack a bit, shall we? I admit to doing some very stupid things over the past four or five months. I'll be honest; I got into drugs. The bad, bad kind. I would be so bold to say that if I hadn't stopped I would be dead by winter. My wee body simply could not handle the substances being put in it.
Being clean is a wonderful feeling. I'm happy. I care. I can appreciate all the little things, like seeing the Milky Way out here. Sitting with friends and not have to worry about the next high. That long lost feeling of being content. I want to paint -- it has been well over three years. Not being the monster I had become. I am laughing and smiling again.
I hurt a lot of people along the way. Namely the girl I said I would always love. I still do, of course, but if there was a chance in hell of being together ..gone. I could apologize for the rest of my life and it still won't be enough. If only words were like band-aids. We just barely started "talking" again and if that is the best I can get, I'll take it. I will love her always.
I can't change the past, but I can take what I have experienced, learn from it, and keep moving forward.
The backyard alone is enough to want this house. Check it: two lime and plum trees, a cherry tree, a walnut tree that technically belongs to the neighbor, horseshoe pits, a bar-b-que pit, and a garden patch. It's a pretty big backyard. I will also get the master bedroom and my own bathroom -- oh yes.
. . .
Let's backtrack a bit, shall we? I admit to doing some very stupid things over the past four or five months. I'll be honest; I got into drugs. The bad, bad kind. I would be so bold to say that if I hadn't stopped I would be dead by winter. My wee body simply could not handle the substances being put in it.
Being clean is a wonderful feeling. I'm happy. I care. I can appreciate all the little things, like seeing the Milky Way out here. Sitting with friends and not have to worry about the next high. That long lost feeling of being content. I want to paint -- it has been well over three years. Not being the monster I had become. I am laughing and smiling again.
I hurt a lot of people along the way. Namely the girl I said I would always love. I still do, of course, but if there was a chance in hell of being together ..gone. I could apologize for the rest of my life and it still won't be enough. If only words were like band-aids. We just barely started "talking" again and if that is the best I can get, I'll take it. I will love her always.
I can't change the past, but I can take what I have experienced, learn from it, and keep moving forward.
I am a nomad.
They say that home is where the heart is but I don't know where either of them are just yet. Let's just say that some things got misplaced in the past several months. Honestly, I'm still trying to find myself and stand on my own two feet. Lately I have been keeping little goals or plans in mind and I take each day at a time, one step at a time towards them:
(in no particular order)
a) My good friend has offered me a plane ticket to Olympia, WA to visit at the end of next month; there is a possibility I may choose to stay if I like it there.
b) Two of my best friends have offered the position as a roommate in their home. These girls stuck by me at my worst, opened their home to me whenever in need, and gave me hope for better days.
c) My step-mother (a woman who has become a close friend, shoulder to cry on, and comfort when I thought there was none) suggested I try to find an apartment or studio in town and agreed to help me look. I'm so thankful for her understanding and patience, but most of all, for not giving up on me.
Other than that, things are pretty good. I keep busy with work and spending time with others when possible. I am also trying to better the personal relationships I have between family and friends, be more open with them and myself, and appreciate how they affect my life. I would like to try patching up most, if not all, negativity and bad feelings towards my ex (and a couple more in particular) but I'm beginning to realize that maybe they just don't make big enough band-aids. I make a point not to hold on to that stuff because life really is too short. Give me balance and peace, man. It's a Libra thing, dig?
Well, that is definitely not everything in a nutshell, but I would like to grab one of those blackberry green tea frappathingies and enjoy roasting in this central valley heat for a bit. Okay, go!
They say that home is where the heart is but I don't know where either of them are just yet. Let's just say that some things got misplaced in the past several months. Honestly, I'm still trying to find myself and stand on my own two feet. Lately I have been keeping little goals or plans in mind and I take each day at a time, one step at a time towards them:
(in no particular order)
a) My good friend has offered me a plane ticket to Olympia, WA to visit at the end of next month; there is a possibility I may choose to stay if I like it there.
b) Two of my best friends have offered the position as a roommate in their home. These girls stuck by me at my worst, opened their home to me whenever in need, and gave me hope for better days.
c) My step-mother (a woman who has become a close friend, shoulder to cry on, and comfort when I thought there was none) suggested I try to find an apartment or studio in town and agreed to help me look. I'm so thankful for her understanding and patience, but most of all, for not giving up on me.
Other than that, things are pretty good. I keep busy with work and spending time with others when possible. I am also trying to better the personal relationships I have between family and friends, be more open with them and myself, and appreciate how they affect my life. I would like to try patching up most, if not all, negativity and bad feelings towards my ex (and a couple more in particular) but I'm beginning to realize that maybe they just don't make big enough band-aids. I make a point not to hold on to that stuff because life really is too short. Give me balance and peace, man. It's a Libra thing, dig?
Well, that is definitely not everything in a nutshell, but I would like to grab one of those blackberry green tea frappathingies and enjoy roasting in this central valley heat for a bit. Okay, go!
I bought three CDs recently:
Death Cab For Cutie - Plans
Maria Taylor - 11:11
Orenda Fink - Invisible Ones
I must say I have been blown away by 'Plans' and can't stop listening to it. I've also decided it fits perfectly into my life right now. The latter two albums are solo works by the ladies of Azure Ray. Both are absolutely beautiful and I still can't decide who did the better job.
What album is in constant rotation for you?
I need to find a second job. I applied at a number of places but haven't heard back. Getting hired at The Beat is what I was hoping for the most but I only have restaurant experience to go with. I'm a little discouraged.
Death Cab For Cutie - Plans
Maria Taylor - 11:11
Orenda Fink - Invisible Ones
I must say I have been blown away by 'Plans' and can't stop listening to it. I've also decided it fits perfectly into my life right now. The latter two albums are solo works by the ladies of Azure Ray. Both are absolutely beautiful and I still can't decide who did the better job.
What album is in constant rotation for you?
I need to find a second job. I applied at a number of places but haven't heard back. Getting hired at The Beat is what I was hoping for the most but I only have restaurant experience to go with. I'm a little discouraged.
