What a horrible/wonderful/horrible week I've had. I've been having a blast seeing my old friends again while staying in Philly these past few days. However, on Thursday I found out that:

1) My driving "privileges" have been revoked in NY state for 6 months because I got three speeding tickets in 18 months. It's because I commuted from Buffalo to Ithaca at least once every week for the past year. I traveled through lots of desolate farm country. It's easy to lose track of your speed on flat, uninhabited country roads with only 55 mph speed limits. Add hyper-aggressive (bored) rural cops to the mix and it's easy to see why that happened.
2) My landlord is refusing to give me my $600 security deposit back - even though I haven't even inhabited my new apartment. Why? Because:
3) I was laid off from work.



It was no fault of my own - the school at which I was employed needed to "downsize" their faculty (at least, they thought they needed to - others were not so sure....but whatever) due to low enrollment this coming year. The practice of seniority was used to decide who got the axe and since I was the 2nd-newest teacher, I was on the chopping block with the other newbies.

Yeah. That all happened Thursday. Crap.

So now what? I have to move out of Buffalo quickly and then go back to Ithaca......and then......????? There's no private schools in Ithaca and, besides, no one hires teachers in August. The slots are already filled for the coming year.

This sucks.

EDIT:

Edited to add that ALSO on Thursday I discovered my work laptop was stolen from my car. I have to pay for its replacement. That's not the bad thing. The REAL bad part of it is that with the theft of my work laptop, ALL MY WORK for the past year has now evaporated. I sweat figurative blood for the past nine months to create lesson-plans, handouts, tests, projects, comments, etc. all from scratch - and now I have nothing to show for it.

Plus my wife's grandmother died on our anniversary last Friday. We have to go to Vancouver next month for the funeral - not usually an issue since I love going to Vancouver - but now that I'm laid off, money is extremely tight.

In brighter news, I did get most of my deposit back from the landlord. It exactly covers the cost of the missing laptop, so that's a wash. Still, I'd rather have the work back than the money.

I'm back from showing my 1979 Chrysler New Yorker 5th Ave (Wanda) off at Carlisle. It was pretty neat - I've never displayed a car in a show before. Wanda drew lots of praise - I know for a fact that a few people even voted her best in class (which is astounding to me considering how many incredible cars there were in Wanda's class).

Here are pics of Wanda and some from the car show as promised. It's very graphics heavy, sorry. I'll try to choose the best of the best. There's lots more pics in my photo album and they're very big.

Here's Wanda on day 1.


Judging. The hood's up to display the engine:


The engine is a 360 V8 w/ factory 4v Thermoquad carb. I spent a year (on and off) reconditioning the engine and trying to get it to run properly. It's still *cough* a work-in-progress :


And here are some of the other Mopars at the show:

A 1956 300B. Awesome:



A 1957 Desoto. Look at those fins. :


You gotta love the '70s. What's better than a Yellow-Blue-Maroon racing stripe down the side of a brown Plymouth Volare Super Coupe? Nothing, that's what:


1960 Valiant. I love the way these cars look. Look at those "cat eye" fins:



Same car. Its engine is a 225 Hyper-Pak slant-six. So rare and so cool:


Here's two pics from the same car - a 1957 Chrysler. Check out the two-tone on the body AND engine. I'm not usually a fan of "customization" but this was done very well, I thought:



Here's the coolest damn station wagon you ever saw - 1973 Fury with a 440 V8 under the hood:


It wasn't all fun-and-games, though. This is what I mean when I say I feel like an outsider at these shows, sometimes. What an asshole:


The greatest of the great. The REAL deal. A genuine 426 V8 Hemi. :


All-in-all it was a fun time......though it was kinda lonely since I was by myself. A good friend of mine was planning on joining me - which would have been great since she's a girl - but she couldn't make it. These things can be real sausage-fests, sometimes.

What a crazy summer this is turning out to be. I'm off to Carlisle, PA to show off the car I've been restoring for the past year in the Carlisle Mopar Nationals. I'm not expecting to win anything - I'm not even entering it in competition. However, I guarantee I'll have the only 1979 Chrysler New Yorker 5th Ave in near-mint condition.

I'm really excited, truthfully. I know I'm a bit of an "outsider" in the whole "restorative" car culture - I'm not a 65 year old veteran that hates the government - but there's just something really fun about having fixed up something old and displaying it for people that can recognize and appreciate the amount of work you've put into it.

See you next week.

P.S. I'll add pics of the car and the event next time I update.

Not that anyone'll read this, but......

I think I need to get back to my roots. I need to get back to SG. I'm starting to get tired of the internet - tired of being put in situations online that are not to my liking because others are too irresponsible to play by the rules. I'm tired of being at other people's mercy.

Here I can control what I see, read, and write better than anywhere else online. If I'm going to be a consumer of "adult" material, then I need to be in charge how that material's disseminated to me. Otherwise, anything can happen because there will always be one person that ruins it for everyone else.

Yeah, this is cryptic. Sorry. Just ranting a bit. This is a weird society we live in and I still feel like I end up in shark-infested waters even when I'm not looking to go for a swim. I hate random-chance. It's too random.

I'm still in a bit of shock....I got the job I've been going after. I just found out a few minutes ago that I was offered a position in the school's faculty.

Man, oh man......I have so much to do in such a short amount of time. School starts Sept 2nd - the first mandatory faculty meeting is in 6 days. The first meeting I'm "supposed to" attend is this Tuesday.

In that amount of time I have to: find an apartment, get a 2nd car, pack, move to the new place, set everything up there, unpack enough so I can start preparing lessons.....all in a week and a half.

But, screw it. I'm so happy, right now. I've been tearing my hair out for over a year trying to land a position at a school like this one.....I still can't believe it.

Yay.

Today is going to be a nice, low-key day. My wife and I are going to celebrate 4 years of blissful marriage together by going to the Thousand Islands region of upper New York/Canada and take in some beautiful scenery.

Life, really, doesn't get much better than breathtaking surroundings shared with the one you love.

I'm finding this modern existence makes it difficult to live a life that doesn't contribute to the suffering of others.

I recently heard a piece on NPR (Fresh Air) that bothered me tremendously (I've been talking to Stiles about it, a bit). It was about an upcoming movie that focused on the way a specific town in Japan captures and sells dolphins. The dolphins that are not sold are then killed. The podcast for the show is located here.

Now, normally, the needless killing (in my opinion) of self-aware creatures would be something that would only make me sad. Mass slaughter of anything living is nothing to feel good about - regardless of the creature. But what really got to me was the way these dolphins were treated. Specifically, the capturing and handling of the animals is designed to wear them down and terrorize them so they are more easily controlled in captivity.

This got me thinking, "How much suffering do I contribute to this world through my very existence?" Meaning, simply by existing - in America - how much am I responsible for the suffering of other people/animals?

I'm not against the death of creatures, per se. I am an omnivore - I like steak. And lamb. And chicken. However, the idea that someone, or something, had to suffer in order to satisfy a need of mine fills me with tremendous.....guilt? Regret? Powerlessness? I try to buy clothes second-hand; reducing the likelihood that a 10-year-old Malaysian girl is going blind and missing an education so I can get cheap crap from Old Navy. I never shop at Wal-Mart and the like; I believe work should be compensated fairly and that unions are (or at least were) a good thing. I even have my own designs on building an electric car out of a 1959 Rambler American:



This way I won't have to 1) directly contribute to the altering of the Earth's climate, and 2) none of the money I spend on gas will go to propping up repressive, tyrannical governments bent on subjugating their own people (as well as others).

I eat organic food and support local business because I'd rather my money stay in my community and not make some rich person who works in a skyscraper far away from me even richer. I try to help old ladies across the street. I recycle.

But this is hard to do 100% of the time. There are moments when I simply cannot buy second-hand clothes (if I want a job), or eat organic food (if I'm traveling, or out with friends), or purchase fair-trade/domestically made products (because I'm poor), or drive an electric car, etc. And there's more, much more, but I don't have the room or time to go into it.

The point is - living in America is tough. It means you take more than you give. It means someone has to go without sleep because you're tired. It means someone has to go without food because you're hungry. It means someone has to go without a fair wage because you need an income. It means there is an element of cruelty directly tied to the fact that you exist. I wish it weren't so, but it is. And it's next to impossible to avoid, while being a part of mainstream America.

For all it's monumental pretension and posturing - Koyaanisqatsi is correct. We live a life out of balance:

I fear I am my own worst enemy.

I've been struggling with landing a job this past year. I've been rather picky and I've narrowed the field of potential places of employment significantly, which hasn't helped much. Plus, my wife and I recently (okay a year ago) moved into this area, which doesn't have any of the jobs for which I'm qualified. The problem is, there are many people in this town with advanced degrees because there's two huge, great colleges here, but there's only 20,000 residents. The end result is pure supply-and-demand: too many highly skilled people and not enough jobs. Even the pisant jobs are snapped up by people with masters degrees. I have a masters degree, but not in pisantery - so it doesn't seem to help. Out here, I'm "off the grid" in a vocational sense, and there's no room for lateral-transferable skills. You get hired (if you're lucky) based on your background. There's no room for movement. I've found myself placed in the vocational caste of the "untouchables."

My hiring season is now over. So I'm looking at the significant possibility of being unemployed for another year. That cannot happen for two reasons - A) my mental health and, B) fiscal solvency. But I don't know what to do. I could go into business for myself - but I'm less-than-sanguine on this area (for its smug humorlessness) and this state (for its officious bureaucracy). I feel no great compulsion to invest significant time and/or energy in this town when all I want to do is get out of here and get back to Philly. But we live in a material society and my wife and I have material needs. Especially if we want to start having kids soon......

I am seeking help, though. Today I went to a mock-interview workshop and was told that, basically, I suck at interviewing: 1) talk too much. 2) too informal. 3) too vague. I'm now wondering how many of those jobs I didn't get this past year because I "don't interview well."

It's a skill. I keep telling myself that. People aren't born knowing how to walk or talk - why should anyone "know" how to interview? It's a skill and I have to develop it.

But, dammit, I'm good at what I do. Why should something as artificial as an interview be the primary determinant in whether or not I get a job? There are so many mediocre people employed in my field - clearly the interview process did not winnow them. Yet here I am, nine years of demonstrable success easily shown in my resume, references, and portfolio, and I lose out to some bumbler who knows the secret "code" words to use and puts on a good front.

I hate doing this kind of thing. I feel like I'm lying every time I shave and put on a suit for these review panels. That's not who I am and it has no bearing on the quality of work I do. These panels ask questions like, "What do you feel are your greatest strengths and weaknesses?" I can't say, "I fucking rock at what I do. I can get about 400 testimonials LIKE THAT telling you so. Aaaaand here's a portfolio of my work. You'll note the quality and thoroughness of it. As for weaknesses....well, I'm a bit pompous and arrogant and I hate being told what to do by people who use their authority to get me to conform to their fiats rather than by using rational arguments." No, instead it has to be something like, "I bring a sense of passion, intelligence, and competency to my position. My major flaws all stem from the fact that I care TOO MUCH and can sometimes get overwhelmed by my desire to do a good job."

Bullshit. No one talks like that. No one thinks like that. No one IS like that. But these are the kind of answers you have to give. It's all spin - there's no room for honesty. So I try to be honest, represent myself honestly, let my work speak for itself and I'm left holding the bag. But if I deliberately misrepresent myself, my demeanor, and my reasons for wanting to work - I can get hired by saying the right things.

I am my own worst enemy because I CARE TOO MUCH. Time to practice the art of lying.

It's 2009 - and I've decided to do this again. I'm going to start posting here, like I used to, because I miss it.

I'm also unemployed - which means I have some "spare time;" though not as much as you'd think.

Still, it's been too long. Even if no one reads this at least I'll be making the effort, again, to clear out the gunk in my head and commit it to e-paper.

And I promise - nothing about what I ate for lunch or what shoes I want to buy. I'll try to be a little more interesting than that.

So....now that I'm back from the brink of insanity I decided to do something calculated and exact that would render me calm, level-headed, and (most importantly) relaxed as I sail through these lazy, humid, summer weeks:

I'm teaching trigonometry in summer school.

I know.....I thought I was out of my mind, too. But there is a reason for it, and it shames me to no end to admit this. I'm whoring myself and my abilities out for money - pure and simple. There's nothing noble about it, I really don't give a shit if these kids pick up trig or not. I need the money. It's a crass, greedy, and materialistic reason to do anything, and I like to think I'm above such base reasoning; but there is an upside to this "wage of sin". I'm getting way more than just my money's worth out of this arrangement, both physically and emotionally, so I feel like I can take some solace in that.

Today, I only have time and space to write about the first part of this deal that rocks. The next entry will be about the emotional side of this arrangement; the first part is singularly about materialism. From the summer school money I've earned, I've been able to buy a new toy. Well, it's not exactly new. Rather, it's a new, "used" toy. Okay - it's a car. But it's a pretty cool car. I bought it back in the late Spring as a form of mental rehabilitation. This was to be my hands-on version of "Primal Scream" therapy. The idea was rooted in the philosophy that I would take this monstrous, hulk of a machine and through my blood, sweat and tears transform it into something beautiful. Like "Pygmalion" - but instead of a woman, it's a car. It's through my labor that I would pour out all the anger, frustration, hatred, and feelings of inadequacy that I've felt over this past year and be able to concretely see the progress my efforts were making.

It may sound "epic" and pretentious - but it's not. It's just that teachers often fall victim to a malaise at the end of each spring that's rooted in the question, "So....did I actually accomplish anything this year or was I just wasting my time?" I know that I've reached my students, and they've grown emotionally, intellectually, blah blah blah. But right now, I need to SEE progress in physical form. Hence, the restoration of the car.

The car is a model that I've always wanted; as a kid I dreamed of owning one of these monsters in absolutely perfect shape. I don't know why - they're not engineered particularly well (though I don't care what Stiles may think or say, they don't deserve their negative reputation, either). I think the correct word to use when describing the engineering behind this type car is "proven". I just like the nexus these cars create in the intersection of their gorgeously creased lines with their ridiculous proportions and ambition. Absurdity never looked so beautiful, in my opinion.

So here she is as of last week. Here is my 1979 Chrysler New Yorker 5th Avenue:















As you can see it's been keeping me busy. Not everything works, yet. I still have to fix the wipers, power antenna, cruise control, headlamp cover motor, and hi-beam switch. And there's always the endless supply of trim parts and switches that need cleaning/fixing, etc. The carb needs a rebuild (it runs a bit rich) but at this point in time it drives very nicely. Plus, I can see all my effort in everything that was broken, or missing, or didn't work that now works and/or is complete. And that's keeping me happy.

This is getting a bit long so I'll write about part two later. I promise it'll be funny.