and it's all off! all my hair! buahahahahha!!! unfortunately i have no pic-a-tures of my hair. except for on my p-hony, and the camera sucks on that.
so!
when i like i can look like a 14 year old boy with tig ole bitties!
and.
Ozzfest is coming! 3 weeks until the freakshow, and i get to see ozzy play as ozzy. Whoot! and this year i can have multi colored liberty spikes! double whoot!
and!
i will finally get to meet Unkyjar in person after 2 years of im, text, and phone conversations. i managed to persuade him to come to ozzfest in CT this year, so it's double super awesome.
I is excited.
-=squish=-

so, january to june. that's just a little bit long for no posts at all. i am still alive, contrary to popular belief and stuff is different!
i've had my car for 7 months and already i've had it broken into, backed into, and i managed to drop the only copy of the key that i had down a 20 foot flowing storm drain and had to get it towed so i could get a new key. i am awesome!! super awesome!
also, i have a camera p-honey now. so i can take pic-a-tures. yay!
and! i have a new job! i told my manager at cumberland farms where to get bent and how far, and now i'm working at Chili's as a to-go ho. and saving money! that's possible now! whoot!
the boy and i managed to start a savings account so that we can get our own place within this year because i definately definately need to get out of my mom's house. there's only so much crazy i can take.
and i really want to either chop off all my hair again, or dread it. but i'm way too impatient to actually wait for the dreads to grow out and get all pretty, so i might take a day and learn how to make my own fake dreadies. if i do cut all my hair off it will probably be something like this:

the only thing stopping me is the knowledge that it took 4 years for my last short short cut to grow out and it wasn't nearly as drastic. we'll see. i might do it just in time for ozzfest.
-=squish=-

i look up at the sky,
and sigh and say,
"I don't suppose you smoke?"
a smile,
"I'm glad I'm not the only one."
my number on his hand,
where it wouldn't rub off.

i look up at the sky,
a safety net of stars; should
my heart leap too high.
a kiss,
then i lean back and float.
i wonder if he smiles then;
relief, joy, and surprise.

i look up at the sky,
and giggle with both feet bare.
before i can catch myself:
"The sky is so big!"
we laugh and talk and grin.
years spent together
before the sun ever rises.

i look up at the sky,
and shade my eyes. i
trace the shapes of the clouds.
it's been said.
and before i can take it back,
i race to the water,
laughing as he follows.

-=squish=-

listening to the silence of the lambs
my bum is leaking and i didn't even eat any olestra. only my mom's egg salad. don't eat my mom's egg salad. the part that's supposed to be yellow is grey, and there is no white. and somehow it doesn't taste anything like egg. egg salad scares me now.
all my presents are wrapped. thank the flying spaghetti monster! no more wrapping! i was using one of those magic gold pens that has the gold paint in it and comes out all liquid. i managed to turn my hands gold, and for some reason, i have a gold dot on my chin that will not come off. dammit.
booga booga booga!

-=squish=-

i love lamp.
I Love Lamp!

-=squish=-

listening to my house
so...it's been a while since i was really a faithful member on here. i come, i check out new sets, read the news, and check out my groups, but that's about it. hmmm.....i suppose i just don't know what to write, so i don't.
i suppose i will probably start writing more again, i'm just don't know when.
i suppose.
i have a car, and a job, soon to be 2 jobs.
i have new plugs to go in, after i gauge my ears.
i watched the movie Posiedon and it was terrible.
i watched Down in the Valley, and it was very well done. or maybe that's just my love for Edward Norton. he is someone i would love to meet and smoke with and sit down and have a conversation about everything with. and then i'd want some crazy sexin' with him. is that weird?

-=squish=-

Eisenhower's Farewell Speech:

Good evening, my fellow Americans:
First, I should like to express my gratitude to the radio and television networks for the opportunity they have given me over the years to bring reports and messages to our nation. My special thanks go to them for the opportunity of addressing you this evening.

Three days from now, after a half century of service of our country, I shall lay down the responsibilities of office as, in traditional and solemn ceremony, the authority of the Presidency is vested in my successor.

This evening I come to you with a message of leave-taking and farewell, and to share a few final thoughts with you, my countrymen.

Like every other citizen, I wish the new President, and all who will labor with him, Godspeed. I pray that the coming years will be blessed with peace and prosperity for all.

Our people expect their President and the Congress to find essential agreement on questions of great moment, the wise resolution of which will better shape the future of the nation.

My own relations with Congress, which began on a remote and tenuous basis when, long ago, a member of the Senate appointed me to West Point, have since ranged to the intimate during the war and immediate post-war period, and finally to the mutually interdependent during these past eight years.

In this final relationship, the Congress and the Administration have, on most vital issues, cooperated well, to serve the nation well rather than mere partisanship, and so have assured that the business of the nation should go forward. So my official relationship with Congress ends in a feeling on my part, of gratitude that we have been able to do so much together.

We now stand ten years past the midpoint of a century that has witnessed four major wars among great nations. Three of these involved our own country. Despite these holocausts America is today the strongest, the most influential and most productive nation in the world. Understandably proud of this pre-eminence, we yet realize that America's leadership and prestige depend, not merely upon our unmatched material progress, riches and military strength, but on how we use our power in the interests of world peace and human betterment.

Throughout America's adventure in free government, such basic purposes have been to keep the peace; to foster progress in human achievement, and to enhance liberty, dignity and integrity among peoples and among nations.

To strive for less would be unworthy of a free and religious people.

Any failure traceable to arrogance or our lack of comprehension or readiness to sacrifice would inflict upon us a grievous hurt, both at home and abroad.

Progress toward these noble goals is persistently threatened by the conflict now engulfing the world. It commands our whole attention, absorbs our very beings. We face a hostile ideology global in scope, atheistic in character, ruthless in purpose, and insidious in method. Unhappily the danger it poses promises to be of indefinite duration. To meet it successfully, there is called for, not so much the emotional and transitory sacrifices of crisis, but rather those which enable us to carry forward steadily, surely, and without complaint the burdens of a prolonged and complex struggle - with liberty the stake. Only thus shall we remain, despite every provocation, on our charted course toward permanent peace and human betterment.

Crises there will continue to be. In meeting them, whether foreign or domestic, great or small, there is a recurring temptation to feel that some spectacular and costly action could become the miraculous solution to all current difficulties. A huge increase in the newer elements of our defenses; development of unrealistic programs to cure every ill in agriculture; a dramatic expansion in basic and applied research - these and many other possibilities, each possibly promising in itself, may be suggested as the only way to the road we wish to travel.

But each proposal must be weighed in light of a broader consideration; the need to maintain balance in and among national programs - balance between the private and the public economy, balance between the cost and hoped for advantages - balance between the clearly necessary and the comfortably desirable; balance between our essential requirements as a nation and the duties imposed by the nation upon the individual; balance between the actions of the moment and the national welfare of the future. Good judgment seeks balance and progress; lack of it eventually finds imbalance and frustration.

The record of many decades stands as proof that our people and their Government have, in the main, understood these truths and have responded to them well in the face of threat and stress.

But threats, new in kind or degree, constantly arise.

Of these, I mention two only.

A vital element in keeping the peace is our military establishment. Our arms must be mighty, ready for instant action, so that no potential aggressor may be tempted to risk his own destruction.

Our military organization today bears little relation to that known by any of my predecessors in peacetime, or indeed by the fighting men of World War II or Korea.

Until the latest of our world conflicts, the United States had no armaments industry. American makers of plowshares could, with time and as required, make swords as well. But now we can no longer risk emergency improvisation of national defense; we have been compelled to create a permanent armaments industry of vast proportions. Added to this, three and a half million men and women are directly engaged in the defense establishment. We annually spend on military security more than the net income of all United States corporations.

This conjunction of an immense military establishment and a large arms industry is new in the American experience. The total influence - economic, political, even spiritual - is felt in every city, every Statehouse, every office of the Federal government. We recognize the imperative need for this development. Yet we must not fail to comprehend its grave implications. Our toil, resources and livelihood are all involved; so is the very structure of our society.

In the councils of government, we must guard against the acquisition of unwarranted influence, whether sought or unsought, by the military-industrial complex. The potential for the disastrous rise of misplaced power exists and will persist.

We must never let the weight of this combination endanger our liberties or democratic processes. We should take nothing for granted. Only an alert and knowledgeable citizenry can compel the proper meshing of the huge industrial and military machinery of defense with our peaceful methods and goals, so that security and liberty may prosper together.

Akin to, and largely responsible for the sweeping changes in our industrial-military posture, has been the technological revolution during recent decades.

In this revolution, research has become central, it also becomes more formalized, complex, and costly. A steadily increasing share is conducted for, by, or at the direction of, the Federal government.

Today, the solitary inventor, tinkering in his shop, has been overshadowed by task forces of scientists in laboratories and testing fields. In the same fashion, the free university, historically the fountainhead of free ideas and scientific discovery, has experienced a revolution in the conduct of research. Partly because of the huge costs involved, a government contract becomes virtually a substitute for intellectual curiosity. For every old blackboard there are now hundreds of new electronic computers.

The prospect of domination of the nation's scholars by Federal employment, project allocations, and the power of money is ever present - and is gravely to be regarded.

Yet, in holding scientific research and discovery in respect, as we should, we must also be alert to the equal and opposite danger that public policy could itself become the captive of a scientific-technological elite.

It is the task of statesmanship to mold, to balance, and to integrate these and other forces, new and old, within the principles of our democratic system - ever aiming toward the supreme goals of our free society.

Another factor in maintaining balance involves the element of time. As we peer into society's future, we - you and I, and our government - must avoid the impulse to live only for today, plundering for, for our own ease and convenience, the precious resources of tomorrow. We cannot mortgage the material assets of our grandchildren without asking the loss also of their political and spiritual heritage. We want democracy to survive for all generations to come, not to become the insolvent phantom of tomorrow.

Down the long lane of the history yet to be written America knows that this world of ours, ever growing smaller, must avoid becoming a community of dreadful fear and hate, and be, instead, a proud confederation of mutual trust and respect.

Such a confederation must be one of equals. The weakest must come to the conference table with the same confidence as do we, protected as we are by our moral, economic, and military strength. That table, though scarred by many past frustrations, cannot be abandoned for the certain agony of the battlefield.

Disarmament, with mutual honor and confidence, is a continuing imperative. Together we must learn how to compose differences, not with arms, but with intellect and decent purpose. Because this need is so sharp and apparent I confess that I lay down my official responsibilities in this field with a definite sense of disappointment. As one who has witnessed the horror and the lingering sadness of war - as one who knows that another war could utterly destroy this civilization which has been so slowly and painfully built over thousands of years - I wish I could say tonight that a lasting peace is in sight.

Happily, I can say that war has been avoided. Steady progress toward our ultimate goal has been made. But, so much remains to be done. As a private citizen, I shall never cease to do what little I can to help the world advance along that road.

So - in this my last good night to you as your President - I thank you for the many opportunities you have given me for public service in war and peace. I trust that in that service you find some things worthy; as for the rest of it, I know you will find ways to improve performance in the future.

You and I - my fellow citizens - need to be strong in our faith that all nations, under God, will reach the goal of peace with justice. May we be ever unswerving in devotion to principle, confident but humble with power, diligent in pursuit of the Nations' great goals.

To all the peoples of the world, I once more give expression to America's prayerful and continuing aspiration:

We pray that peoples of all faiths, all races, all nations, may have their great human needs satisfied; that those now denied opportunity shall come to enjoy it to the full; that all who yearn for freedom may experience its spiritual blessings; that those who have freedom will understand, also, its heavy responsibilities; that all who are insensitive to the needs of others will learn charity; that the scourges of poverty, disease and ignorance will be made to disappear from the earth, and that, in the goodness of time, all peoples will come to live together in a peace guaranteed by the binding force of mutual respect and love.

Now, on Friday noon, I am to become a private citizen. I am proud to do so. I look forward to it.

Thank you, and good night.
January 17th, 1961

menah menah. do doo do do do. menah menah. do doo do do. menah menah. do doo do do do do do do do doodo do doot.
-=squish=-

listening to a lawnmower

i have been a bad, bad lokischild. i haven't even checked my email in almost a month. it's been kind of like an extended vacation for me.
the satan spawn that spat me out of her vagina went to florida for a week, so i was 'watching the house' with justin. then right as she came back, the boy's parents went on a two week vacation, so we were over his house. it's been nice. relaxing.
i'm going to florida for a week, myself, in the first week of october. i'm looking forward to it. also looking forward to getting my hair cut and some green stripes put in before i go.
but today i have to go shopping and out to dinner with the psychotic freak that is my mother. she almost had a nervous breakdown because her man-slave cut her lilacs.

but! i am officially 21 years old, and i can buy my own damn liquor, and thats all that matters. my birthday was actually pretty fun, and i was suprised because my birthdays usually aren't much fun at all. but. the synopsis:
thanks to connecticuts oh so ingenious blue laws, i had to go to brewster, ny to buy my first liquor. but it was a fun adventure. i bought a bottle of jack (not one of those stupid little dinky shits either), and 3 12-packs of beer. yum. we made it back to justin's house all hunky-dory, and found a dead mouse in a bucket of water. poor little dead mouse. so, while we were waiting for a couple other friends to show up, we gave the mouse a funeral pyre using throttle body cleaner and a propane torch. the mouse burned. i heard his innards pop out. it was pretty cool. then the drinking commenced. there were 6 or 7 of us, but not everyone was drinking cus those other folks were being vaginas. but through the course of the night there was pool played, baling hooks used, pictures taken, wendy's gotten, and fun was had. good times, good times.

and! i managed to break my toe yesterday at work. because i'm good like that. in the past few weeks, i've sliced open my palm, skinned half my knuckle, given myself 8 or 9 good bruises, burned my fingers more than once, and broken my toe. i am a world class klutz. i honestly don't know how i managed this kind of stuff. and i'm suprised i haven't hurt myself worse by now.

anyways. september is halfway over. everyone else is getting into their classes, dealing with teachers and homework. i am a clerk at a convenience store. this is not what i wanted. i wanted to be going to school at southern by now. but so far it looks like i won't even be able to start spring semester. because i have no goddamn car. and without a miracle, or a decent sized robbery, there's no way for me to get one anytime in the near future. what the fuck. i hate having to depend on other people. i hate not having the freedom to accomplish what i need and want to do when i want to do it. i'm stuck in goddamn rural suburbia, with no way to get anywhere, except at someone elses convenience. and of course everyday i see some goddamn 17 year old kid in a brand new $20,000 car that mommy and daddy bought them and it makes me fucking sick.
whatever.

i need some kind of distraction.

-=squish=-

listening to flyleaf
i would love to just pick up and move to new haven. i would be able to find an apartment that is fairly close to school, not to mention a job and roommate. and i wouldn't need a car, because so much is in close proximity in new haven. and they have public transportation. the only problem is i need a car to get a job so that i can earn enough money so that i can save and move to new haven. and the only problem with that is that i need a better job so that i can save money to buy a car, but i need a car so i can get back and forth to the better paying job.
anyways.
i've been having really vivid dreams lately. and a lot of them. in the past week or so i've remembered like 6 or 7 of my dreams. i wish i could figure out how i'm doing that so i could refine whatever it is i'm doing for full recall. there's something about being able to remember my dreams that gives me almost a feeling of completeness. not quite completeness, but reclamation, maybe? i can't quite put a name to the feeling. but i've learned in the past few days that i definately dream in color, and generally from my own perspective. i'm pretty sure that the boy has been in most of my dreams, and i know for sure that he's been in at least 3 of them. that is something new for me. if there's someone i know in my dreams they're only in them once, maybe twice and that's it. but justin has been in at least half of the dreams i remember for the past week or so. interesting.
so last night i thought of something that i wanted to put in here, but i was nearly asleep, post-coital, and high. so i didn't remember. oh well.
but goddamn! it's been raining for the past 2-3 days. not all the time, but on and off all day and night. it wouldn't bother me if it wasn't so damned chilly.
peach = delicious

-=squish=-