having the best time ...
Even better coz i'm watching - repo at work ... Zydrate anatomy is now stuck in my head ... Amber sweet dancing - stuck in my head :o
Even better coz i'm watching - repo at work ... Zydrate anatomy is now stuck in my head ... Amber sweet dancing - stuck in my head :o
Just got sg app on my phone - woot woot - yay now i can log on to sg whenever - hee hee - i'm so excited! Had a great night tonight - had sushi fun with sarey than random shopping - made her have her first krispy kreme ... It was a orgasm in her mouth then went to irish ...
Met up with nikki and tree + adam. Danced a bit then eve, colin and max turned up - great night
had fun times ... Now sleeping coz tomorrow is huge ...
Going to my first gay march and its over the acceptance and pushing for gay marriage (the right to marry) i personally romantisize about it however i don't think its truly for me coz i know at the end of the day i'm scared of commitment - but i support everyone who wants to did it - i think its an amazing way to show your love - but so is snuggles and kisses from the person you love too - i guess it comes down to what you think is necessary ... Personally i'd take the snuggles - hee hee
Also i'm mainly going coz one of my fav couples want to get married - mish and alex ... They are so cute together - its pure love ;D
Then i have derby love - woot woot - yay ... First game and i'm so excited! Already have the tickets, its going to be leesa, ricky and i - it's going to be an awesome night
Then i have pru 21st then the foam party then catch up with alex and mish again - sigh - even thinking bout the business is overwhelming - hee hee - nah ...
Well sleep time - coz i gotta get up at 8 coz i'm getting my hair cut tomorrow ... Yay - i really want to do my new haircut but alas i'd prefer someone i trust to do it and i'm trying danni for the first time so fingers crossed it turns out ok :l
Met up with nikki and tree + adam. Danced a bit then eve, colin and max turned up - great night
had fun times ... Now sleeping coz tomorrow is huge ... Going to my first gay march and its over the acceptance and pushing for gay marriage (the right to marry) i personally romantisize about it however i don't think its truly for me coz i know at the end of the day i'm scared of commitment - but i support everyone who wants to did it - i think its an amazing way to show your love - but so is snuggles and kisses from the person you love too - i guess it comes down to what you think is necessary ... Personally i'd take the snuggles - hee hee
Also i'm mainly going coz one of my fav couples want to get married - mish and alex ... They are so cute together - its pure love ;D
Then i have derby love - woot woot - yay ... First game and i'm so excited! Already have the tickets, its going to be leesa, ricky and i - it's going to be an awesome night
Then i have pru 21st then the foam party then catch up with alex and mish again - sigh - even thinking bout the business is overwhelming - hee hee - nah ...
Well sleep time - coz i gotta get up at 8 coz i'm getting my hair cut tomorrow ... Yay - i really want to do my new haircut but alas i'd prefer someone i trust to do it and i'm trying danni for the first time so fingers crossed it turns out ok :l
"Keep Moving Forward ... " - Finally Letting Go Of All The Hurt From The Past!
Had a freakin awesome day! From sushi love clarity fun times with Miss S to riding and exploring the city lights of brisbane with Mr Protector
Is amazed at what I have going right in my life - appreciation of the realization awakened ... decided to end the night with a big mother fucking bang tho ... so I wrote an epically long email/message to all the arse holes, bitches, bastards, kniving backstabbers, deceitful lyers and cheating ex's in my life ... which basically said, fuck you but thanks for the memories!
Finally Letting Go ... I've successfully started that new chapter and I'm not looking back anymore in hopes of something or answers that were or will never be!
Hee Hee - I'm feeling so much happier now
Time to watch my fav. movie "Meet The Robinsons" just to seal the deal - putting icing on top of such a perfect day
Had a freakin awesome day! From sushi love clarity fun times with Miss S to riding and exploring the city lights of brisbane with Mr Protector
Is amazed at what I have going right in my life - appreciation of the realization awakened ... decided to end the night with a big mother fucking bang tho ... so I wrote an epically long email/message to all the arse holes, bitches, bastards, kniving backstabbers, deceitful lyers and cheating ex's in my life ... which basically said, fuck you but thanks for the memories!
Finally Letting Go ... I've successfully started that new chapter and I'm not looking back anymore in hopes of something or answers that were or will never be!
Hee Hee - I'm feeling so much happier now
Time to watch my fav. movie "Meet The Robinsons" just to seal the deal - putting icing on top of such a perfect day
Losing me way but not getting completely lost ...
It’s funny how death effects us all in so many different ways. Today we had a customer come in to sort out a deceased estate and normally this would be an easy task however this one was special. They were one of the first couples to notice me at my job when I first started at the branch and as time went along and I moved up positions they were there each step of my journey.
I came to expect them to always be there week to week – sometimes more then once and they were always ever so nice to me. But then in the last six months I watched him slowly wither away and eventually die. I can’t describe how I feel as I don’t feel anything. It’s a void of feeling. It’s weird coz the memory of him being around is so vivid in my mind. I remember how he looks, how he spoke in such a gentle manner that to me he hasn’t gone, or maybe I’m still disillusioned by it all ... maybe it hasn’t hit me yet?!
I remember when my mum died, I just went through the motions and I didn’t show any emotions. Even till today, it makes my head all airy when I think about it all. Recently, I’ve come into the knowledge that my life was rather a lie. I then got disowned and things just didn’t seem to work out.
Did I lose hope? Yes. But that doesn’t mean that I’m a bad person for that. My whole life I’ve always had structure and didn’t let things bother me but I’m going through changes now it really scares me. Some days I feel like I’m lost – like I don’t know who I am or how I got here but then other days ... I’m fine – I guess it’s scary now coz I don’t have the people who I used to always rely on around me anymore. I’ve always had family and her around ... but I don’t have either of them anymore and I've had to deal with losing it all in one big hit!
So in my lost state I took some chances which ended up turning on me and I didn’t know what to do. Worst part is I lost what I had and didn’t even get to find out why so now we pretend it never happened and I’ve got to be ok with that. I’ve always been afraid of letting people in coz people are so quick to judge. People say they want to be there but at the end of the day sometimes all you need is someone to just sit down and listen. People tend to say one thing but really mean the other or in some cases the opposite – some instances I’ve noticed others will just say things coz it’s the “right” thing to do.
No matter what I did, I just couldn’t seem to hold on – There are so many things going on in my life that I’m just so overwhelmed by it all. The worst part of it all was yesterday I talked to her - it was very brief. Just sorting out the “separation” stuff and she decided I guess to turn it from business to personal – yet in reality it was a simply question, but geez it hurt. “So how are you” ... I went quite, I thought about all my options and I concluded with going safe – so I paused for a brief moment to collect my thoughts, and went “I’m sorry, but I gotta go” – it’s funny that even now it still hurts. I don’t blame anyone but myself ... but I loved her and that’s why I let her go. But it’s also love that has made me stay away from her at the same time.
Memories of her make me smile and sad at the same time. Or maybe it’s the pure love that I miss. I’ve been so caught up with the notion of hating love that maybe I’m really in love with it. I guess if love didn’t hurt - it wouldn’t be love at all. Waking up snuggling into someone you love ... you just can’t beat that feeling.
So here I am yet again spilling my thoughts ... and – Sometimes I think I just need to sit back and enjoy my journey instead of getting so caught up and quick to analyse things that are going on or why. I need to focus on things that really matter to me ... maybe I’ll sit down tonight and write my new year’s resolution early so that way I can get a head start to a new beginning ... Writing a new chapter is always fun and exciting coz you never know how it is going to turn out.
At the end of the day ... I’ve got to realise that I really should be thankful for everything that I do have in my life. My journey has made me who I am. I need to appreciate that even tho my past ... I have the power to make my own journey into whatever I want it to be. I have freedom ...
It’s funny how death effects us all in so many different ways. Today we had a customer come in to sort out a deceased estate and normally this would be an easy task however this one was special. They were one of the first couples to notice me at my job when I first started at the branch and as time went along and I moved up positions they were there each step of my journey.
I came to expect them to always be there week to week – sometimes more then once and they were always ever so nice to me. But then in the last six months I watched him slowly wither away and eventually die. I can’t describe how I feel as I don’t feel anything. It’s a void of feeling. It’s weird coz the memory of him being around is so vivid in my mind. I remember how he looks, how he spoke in such a gentle manner that to me he hasn’t gone, or maybe I’m still disillusioned by it all ... maybe it hasn’t hit me yet?!
I remember when my mum died, I just went through the motions and I didn’t show any emotions. Even till today, it makes my head all airy when I think about it all. Recently, I’ve come into the knowledge that my life was rather a lie. I then got disowned and things just didn’t seem to work out.
Did I lose hope? Yes. But that doesn’t mean that I’m a bad person for that. My whole life I’ve always had structure and didn’t let things bother me but I’m going through changes now it really scares me. Some days I feel like I’m lost – like I don’t know who I am or how I got here but then other days ... I’m fine – I guess it’s scary now coz I don’t have the people who I used to always rely on around me anymore. I’ve always had family and her around ... but I don’t have either of them anymore and I've had to deal with losing it all in one big hit!
So in my lost state I took some chances which ended up turning on me and I didn’t know what to do. Worst part is I lost what I had and didn’t even get to find out why so now we pretend it never happened and I’ve got to be ok with that. I’ve always been afraid of letting people in coz people are so quick to judge. People say they want to be there but at the end of the day sometimes all you need is someone to just sit down and listen. People tend to say one thing but really mean the other or in some cases the opposite – some instances I’ve noticed others will just say things coz it’s the “right” thing to do.
No matter what I did, I just couldn’t seem to hold on – There are so many things going on in my life that I’m just so overwhelmed by it all. The worst part of it all was yesterday I talked to her - it was very brief. Just sorting out the “separation” stuff and she decided I guess to turn it from business to personal – yet in reality it was a simply question, but geez it hurt. “So how are you” ... I went quite, I thought about all my options and I concluded with going safe – so I paused for a brief moment to collect my thoughts, and went “I’m sorry, but I gotta go” – it’s funny that even now it still hurts. I don’t blame anyone but myself ... but I loved her and that’s why I let her go. But it’s also love that has made me stay away from her at the same time.
Memories of her make me smile and sad at the same time. Or maybe it’s the pure love that I miss. I’ve been so caught up with the notion of hating love that maybe I’m really in love with it. I guess if love didn’t hurt - it wouldn’t be love at all. Waking up snuggling into someone you love ... you just can’t beat that feeling.
So here I am yet again spilling my thoughts ... and – Sometimes I think I just need to sit back and enjoy my journey instead of getting so caught up and quick to analyse things that are going on or why. I need to focus on things that really matter to me ... maybe I’ll sit down tonight and write my new year’s resolution early so that way I can get a head start to a new beginning ... Writing a new chapter is always fun and exciting coz you never know how it is going to turn out.
At the end of the day ... I’ve got to realise that I really should be thankful for everything that I do have in my life. My journey has made me who I am. I need to appreciate that even tho my past ... I have the power to make my own journey into whatever I want it to be. I have freedom ...
I saw Leesa (Cor's new girlfriend) tonight - and I could see that the drama's were affecting her and I told her that I was sorry that people were treating her like Shit. I said that people are probably just bored and/or insecure about their own true feelings, not that, that was a justifiable excuse/reason but I told her that in time people will see that she is an awesome person and to not get to caught up with what is happening - *Grr Stupid Gay Scene!! Shakes fist in air!*
I told her people can be mean based on the partial facts but unless they know the whole fact - they really shouldn't be mean (or so judgmental) I told her I know there is two sides to the story and that's why I was their for her and there to support her. Regardless of the rumours ... or what other stories were floating out there - I was going to be her friend.
I told her that I actually like her and I thought she was an awesome person. I told her that I am the last person to judge her and that I didn't care what others were saying about her because at the end of the day I make my own choices. And I am the only person accountable for my own actions/decisions in life. I told her that look, she hasn't done anything mean to me ... infact ... she has only been ever so nice to me that I'd be silly not to be her friend. I said that - right now she can't see this - but people will like her ... she just needs them to realize this themselves ... and they will like her after they meet her or given time - however, she just needs to let people cool down.
I told Leesa that, It's sad that people are so easy to judge each other - I wish we could all get along, but I guess people are people and we all work differently so now and then when we step on each others toes by accident things can blow up. People love twisting things and unfortunately people do get hurt as a result. Some people are very self centered and that's when things can get messy but alas we aren't all like that - so she should hold on to the people that loves her. As these people who are creating Shit ... at the end of the day - really are petty individuals!! (Kylie & Jett)
So we hugged and I hope *fingers crossed* that all did cool down by the end of the night - well at least smooths out there!
I told her people can be mean based on the partial facts but unless they know the whole fact - they really shouldn't be mean (or so judgmental) I told her I know there is two sides to the story and that's why I was their for her and there to support her. Regardless of the rumours ... or what other stories were floating out there - I was going to be her friend.
I told her that I actually like her and I thought she was an awesome person. I told her that I am the last person to judge her and that I didn't care what others were saying about her because at the end of the day I make my own choices. And I am the only person accountable for my own actions/decisions in life. I told her that look, she hasn't done anything mean to me ... infact ... she has only been ever so nice to me that I'd be silly not to be her friend. I said that - right now she can't see this - but people will like her ... she just needs them to realize this themselves ... and they will like her after they meet her or given time - however, she just needs to let people cool down.
I told Leesa that, It's sad that people are so easy to judge each other - I wish we could all get along, but I guess people are people and we all work differently so now and then when we step on each others toes by accident things can blow up. People love twisting things and unfortunately people do get hurt as a result. Some people are very self centered and that's when things can get messy but alas we aren't all like that - so she should hold on to the people that loves her. As these people who are creating Shit ... at the end of the day - really are petty individuals!! (Kylie & Jett)
So we hugged and I hope *fingers crossed* that all did cool down by the end of the night - well at least smooths out there!
What The Fuck! What is going on with everyone - must we all eat each other for dinner to feel good! Your insecurities are causing the tears ... Can't you see?! 
Why is it that people judge me when I say things that are straight forward! I don't think I should need to lie to anyone ... I think I should be allowed to be myself - ok so I'm blunt! But at least you know exactly what I am thinking - you won't have to second guess with me ...
If you ask me something - I will be direct - I'm sick of being treated like I'm weird just because I'm straight forward. If I say something - don't read into it or if you must ask me what I meant by it - don't twist what I say and then get mad at me ... because what you think ... most likely is completely not what I just said to you!
Look when I do something - it's actually innocent - I don't do double meanings ... I'm not that kind of person - I don't like the drama's ... it scares me what people are really like! Sometimes when I watch people - they can be really mean ... specially in a group!
I don't like people who are mean - I was picked on enough in school - I don't need it now that I'm an adult!
If you ask me something - I will be direct - I'm sick of being treated like I'm weird just because I'm straight forward. If I say something - don't read into it or if you must ask me what I meant by it - don't twist what I say and then get mad at me ... because what you think ... most likely is completely not what I just said to you!
Look when I do something - it's actually innocent - I don't do double meanings ... I'm not that kind of person - I don't like the drama's ... it scares me what people are really like! Sometimes when I watch people - they can be really mean ... specially in a group!
I don't like people who are mean - I was picked on enough in school - I don't need it now that I'm an adult!
Had to go for a walk to clear my head - to many things were said tonight that may not have been thought through before saying it - I guess we all do it - even I'm guilty of doing it more then anyone - but I've found listening is one of your best tools in life! And l've learnt a lot tonight ...
*Blah*
Time to focus on something else - hmm - time to focus on my new photo program - I'm far from tired so I may as well have some fun ...
*Blah*
Time to focus on something else - hmm - time to focus on my new photo program - I'm far from tired so I may as well have some fun ...
