Just letting you all know my blog is on myspace. You have to be my friend to read it
oh and Im falling apart again
Blog
oh and Im falling apart again
Blog
Ive grown out of many things lately.
I am standing at the foot of this bridge
Its an unstable path
it wissgle and wobbles
back and forth it sways.
It is unlike the previous path
the one that went
and then went and stayed.
This path you cannot see the end of
and I walk down this path only with you.
Im ready to cross this bridge, its the best time of my life.
I am standing at the foot of this bridge
Its an unstable path
it wissgle and wobbles
back and forth it sways.
It is unlike the previous path
the one that went
and then went and stayed.
This path you cannot see the end of
and I walk down this path only with you.
Im ready to cross this bridge, its the best time of my life.
It seriously isnt easy to put what you are comfortable with out of your life.
I was comfortable at UArts.
I didnt hate it... but I did hate what I was doing there. Its an awsome school but the decision was made, it isnt for me. Not even for what im about to go into. I cant pay my life away into the school. I may go to grad school there, It feels like home.
My decision was based on the constant complaining and fear building up in myself over the future. How can I continue doing this? I dont like this. I dont want to do this when im done. Thats what I said every morning.
My reasons to stay are all bad ones. They are all revolving around ease in the present, about getting it over with and running as fast as I can through it.
Im sick of that shit.
Im taking the semester off. Its very scary. It isnt all fun and games like many assume. Im not a quitter either.
Im appling to Rutgers Camden. Its cheaper, its closer, classes are shorter and I have to learn some skills im not used to using. I feel like its the right choice.
Im going into graphic design.
Film is a hobby, stolen bolex is not dead. It has a chance but think on if it ever really was more than an idea. I need to really move on from highschool part 2.
So there you have it. Things have changed very rapidly, and this time off will give me the chance to really find myself. And work my ass off.
I was comfortable at UArts.
I didnt hate it... but I did hate what I was doing there. Its an awsome school but the decision was made, it isnt for me. Not even for what im about to go into. I cant pay my life away into the school. I may go to grad school there, It feels like home.
My decision was based on the constant complaining and fear building up in myself over the future. How can I continue doing this? I dont like this. I dont want to do this when im done. Thats what I said every morning.
My reasons to stay are all bad ones. They are all revolving around ease in the present, about getting it over with and running as fast as I can through it.
Im sick of that shit.
Im taking the semester off. Its very scary. It isnt all fun and games like many assume. Im not a quitter either.
Im appling to Rutgers Camden. Its cheaper, its closer, classes are shorter and I have to learn some skills im not used to using. I feel like its the right choice.
Im going into graphic design.
Film is a hobby, stolen bolex is not dead. It has a chance but think on if it ever really was more than an idea. I need to really move on from highschool part 2.
So there you have it. Things have changed very rapidly, and this time off will give me the chance to really find myself. And work my ass off.
The job is ok
The birthday is soon
The Todd is the man.
Soon, if you will take my pictures
Soon if you will ask me
3 days from now
ok...this is just tasty.
I got this or my birthday...from me.
this is what I really wanted.
bye
The birthday is soon
The Todd is the man.
Soon, if you will take my pictures
Soon if you will ask me
3 days from now
ok...this is just tasty.
I got this or my birthday...from me.
this is what I really wanted.
bye
Life took a downhill road the last few days.
1- the job
the job is half fun half not. the people I work with in the back never talk to me and it becomes as though no one really wants to. Im scared to talk to the girls up front at the end of the day because I have spent 6 hrs silent, or nearly silent with the dogs. Some dogs arent just mean. some want to rip my face off. Some want to hit mein the head with cage doors. No I dont like it there. but I begin to question, is it there I dont like... or everywhere? Im looking for a new flexible job. but what Am I going to do?
2- the ferret
peanut went to get his distemper shot yesterday and had a reaction. They didnt know what to do, and I was at work. I got out of work early and got to the vet to meet up with dave only to find peanut in a laundry hamper in the back o fthis place lying in blood and vomit. not a cage, A HAMPER. I freaked out and we rushed him to a REAL vet. He was dying. My car broke down for stupid reasons half way there leaving us crying on the side of the road. daves mom got there a while later and we ended up paying a second time for a huge vet bill. But he saved peanuts life so it was worth it. So FUCK MAPLE SHADE ANIMAL HOSPITAL. and yay dr Danzen.
3- the weight
I am not happy unless I am at a certain weight. If im not there i am miserable. I hate what I look like. if im there im like YEA IM SEXY! I eat like crap sometimes. I eat huge greasy portions of fried crap, and then dive into dessert. I have such a slow metabolism, that I an gain 5 pounds in 2 days. That is sick. When I watch my weight I can have it hover at one healthy weight for months, but I slip...ALOT. and now its nearing my birthday, and im going to be a moron all week. The last few days have been bad becasue I havent been eating right, and work is stressing me out, and I havent had time for the gym. I have to go out in a bathing suit and I dont feel like I will be able to. (and no I dont starve myself, its quite the opposite if you go out to eat with me, im like yea ill prolly just get a salad, then BOOM veggie burge and fries. I eat it all then bitch about it.)
So there it is. Life not so fun with all this shit. Without a job no money. with a job, stress, weight gain, no time for gym (health) or pretty much anything good. So school is comming, can I keep the job then too? Prolli not. Ill keep you posted.
I feel like shit.
1- the job
the job is half fun half not. the people I work with in the back never talk to me and it becomes as though no one really wants to. Im scared to talk to the girls up front at the end of the day because I have spent 6 hrs silent, or nearly silent with the dogs. Some dogs arent just mean. some want to rip my face off. Some want to hit mein the head with cage doors. No I dont like it there. but I begin to question, is it there I dont like... or everywhere? Im looking for a new flexible job. but what Am I going to do?
2- the ferret
peanut went to get his distemper shot yesterday and had a reaction. They didnt know what to do, and I was at work. I got out of work early and got to the vet to meet up with dave only to find peanut in a laundry hamper in the back o fthis place lying in blood and vomit. not a cage, A HAMPER. I freaked out and we rushed him to a REAL vet. He was dying. My car broke down for stupid reasons half way there leaving us crying on the side of the road. daves mom got there a while later and we ended up paying a second time for a huge vet bill. But he saved peanuts life so it was worth it. So FUCK MAPLE SHADE ANIMAL HOSPITAL. and yay dr Danzen.
3- the weight
I am not happy unless I am at a certain weight. If im not there i am miserable. I hate what I look like. if im there im like YEA IM SEXY! I eat like crap sometimes. I eat huge greasy portions of fried crap, and then dive into dessert. I have such a slow metabolism, that I an gain 5 pounds in 2 days. That is sick. When I watch my weight I can have it hover at one healthy weight for months, but I slip...ALOT. and now its nearing my birthday, and im going to be a moron all week. The last few days have been bad becasue I havent been eating right, and work is stressing me out, and I havent had time for the gym. I have to go out in a bathing suit and I dont feel like I will be able to. (and no I dont starve myself, its quite the opposite if you go out to eat with me, im like yea ill prolly just get a salad, then BOOM veggie burge and fries. I eat it all then bitch about it.)
So there it is. Life not so fun with all this shit. Without a job no money. with a job, stress, weight gain, no time for gym (health) or pretty much anything good. So school is comming, can I keep the job then too? Prolli not. Ill keep you posted.
I feel like shit.
I feel pretty useless.
Im going to go climb under a rock now.
Im trying so dont give me any shit.
Im going to go climb under a rock now.
Im trying so dont give me any shit.
I have really been up up and away recently.
Dave started a new job, a real job down a career path.
I am so proud of him.
I am beaming, joyus, feeling up in the air and on cloud 9. Dont let me ever come down.
And then it gets better
Doesnt it?
Dave started a new job, a real job down a career path.
I am so proud of him.
I am beaming, joyus, feeling up in the air and on cloud 9. Dont let me ever come down.
And then it gets better
Doesnt it?
Ever had your head stuck so far up into the clouds that you float away for hours?
Well parts of my hopefull near future are simply spinning around me waiting to be grabbed
I cant stop my mind from dancing around, entertaining ideas of this one certain thing
The thing I want most
And I cant wait.
Well parts of my hopefull near future are simply spinning around me waiting to be grabbed
I cant stop my mind from dancing around, entertaining ideas of this one certain thing
The thing I want most
And I cant wait.
JUNE 2007
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MAY 2007
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APRIL 2007
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