I've been trying to keep myself occupied, but I've been wicked sick. I haven't really been able to keep any food down at all. I'm pretty sure hang overs don't last this long. There also some other not-so-fun-physiological things going on, I just hope things smooth over by monday. I'll have to be up early to take Thor to the chop shop. After all this bullshit with boys, someones balls have to go.
I started a tumblr.
http://thebuzzingboudoir.tumblr.com --- check it out and let me know what you think.
I started a tumblr.
http://thebuzzingboudoir.tumblr.com --- check it out and let me know what you think.
Well, I was both right and wrong about us getting closer over the trip. The two weeks that followed were nice. We talked all the time, lots of sexting. We even joined Edenfantasy, to review sextoys together to get free ones. Things were going great, and he asked to "take things further." I was pretty excited, but still hesitant. Considering the other times that I had brought it up (only twice in 8 months, but still.) I agree that I'd like more than just friends+, and we're both pretty happy about it. Listed on facebook and all that.
Three days later, he changes his mind. It was too drastic of a change or something, he felt suddenly tied down. And that we have no future, so there's no real point. I was kinda broken up about it, only because he got my hopes up about starting a relationship just to crush the idea. I feel like thats a special kind of cruel.
This was two nights ago, I haven't talked to him since. Which is the longest span of time we haven't talked. I don't really know what to do with myself. I suppose I'm terrified of being alone. Even when we were just friends with bennies, there was a certain consistency. And so many things are changing right now. I'm starting at a new school on monday. My best friend is moving away tomorrow. Sigh. I haven't felt this out of place since I was 14.
Three days later, he changes his mind. It was too drastic of a change or something, he felt suddenly tied down. And that we have no future, so there's no real point. I was kinda broken up about it, only because he got my hopes up about starting a relationship just to crush the idea. I feel like thats a special kind of cruel.
This was two nights ago, I haven't talked to him since. Which is the longest span of time we haven't talked. I don't really know what to do with myself. I suppose I'm terrified of being alone. Even when we were just friends with bennies, there was a certain consistency. And so many things are changing right now. I'm starting at a new school on monday. My best friend is moving away tomorrow. Sigh. I haven't felt this out of place since I was 14.
So...I wrote a long and detailed blog, then safari froze as soon as I tried to post a picture. Argh. So frustrating.
I got back from my trip with my boytoy yesterday. It was a lot of fun. I had been bit nervous that things could be awkward or boring spending all that time legitimately alone together, but that wasn't the case at all. I still Idon't know where we stand, but I think I might be okay with that. Not everything has a future. I suppose it's okay to ride this out until it fizzles away.
Though I've been riding it out since November, no pun intended, and despite a few hiccups things have been pretty consistent. I'm becoming aware of a potential race issue with his extremely right-winged parents from fredneck, maryland. However, he assured me that they were just concerned about the two of us traveling alone together to the south. Even though it wasn't that far south, they warned him to "watch out for renegades."
He also said that if they have a problem with me being black, then "fuck em."
Which made me feel a little better.
I think we got closer over the time we spent together. I don't think it was just me, though I also don't want to delude myself if it is.
The only bad thing about the trip was that I dropped my iphone and the screen SHATTERED. It still worked, miraculously. But I kept getting glass in my fingers when I used it. I got it replaced when I got home, which set me back $200. I actually paid just to have the screen replaced, but the guy at the store just gave me a whole new phone, which should've cost me $400. I'm not sure if it was a promotion or just prominent cleavage. Either way, I'm glad it didn't cost that much. lol.
Anyway. I'm still trying to squeeze some fundage out of MGF. Check me out there.
http://www.mygirlfund.com/Lucky_Charms
I got back from my trip with my boytoy yesterday. It was a lot of fun. I had been bit nervous that things could be awkward or boring spending all that time legitimately alone together, but that wasn't the case at all. I still Idon't know where we stand, but I think I might be okay with that. Not everything has a future. I suppose it's okay to ride this out until it fizzles away.
Though I've been riding it out since November, no pun intended, and despite a few hiccups things have been pretty consistent. I'm becoming aware of a potential race issue with his extremely right-winged parents from fredneck, maryland. However, he assured me that they were just concerned about the two of us traveling alone together to the south. Even though it wasn't that far south, they warned him to "watch out for renegades."
He also said that if they have a problem with me being black, then "fuck em."
Which made me feel a little better.
I think we got closer over the time we spent together. I don't think it was just me, though I also don't want to delude myself if it is.
The only bad thing about the trip was that I dropped my iphone and the screen SHATTERED. It still worked, miraculously. But I kept getting glass in my fingers when I used it. I got it replaced when I got home, which set me back $200. I actually paid just to have the screen replaced, but the guy at the store just gave me a whole new phone, which should've cost me $400. I'm not sure if it was a promotion or just prominent cleavage. Either way, I'm glad it didn't cost that much. lol.
Anyway. I'm still trying to squeeze some fundage out of MGF. Check me out there.
http://www.mygirlfund.com/Lucky_Charms
I gave MGF another chance, and I seem to be making a little change which is nice. I think I'll keep trying at it at least for a little bit longer. Here's my page, if you wanted to check it out. http://www.mygirlfund.com/Lucky_Charms
I'm spending a 3day trip to Williamsburg, VA with this boy--the one with the sparks. I like him a lot, but I'm nervous about this. We'll see what happens I suppose.
I just wanna write, drink barefoot wine and not have to worry about things. But that's never going to happen. Not anytime soon at least.
At least I have my kitty
I'm spending a 3day trip to Williamsburg, VA with this boy--the one with the sparks. I like him a lot, but I'm nervous about this. We'll see what happens I suppose.
I just wanna write, drink barefoot wine and not have to worry about things. But that's never going to happen. Not anytime soon at least.
At least I have my kitty
Things are starting to look up. I'm officially accepted into Drexel's Interdisciplinary Health Science Program. It's one year, it ill make make me more competitive for Medical School, theoretically. I'm gonna go home to talk to my dad about figuring out if I'm going to move to Philly or stay in Newark and commute. I'd rather not have to deal with moving. But I could see the commute having headaches of its own.
There's this boy, that when we kiss, it feels like a licking the charged end of a 9volt battery. He doesn't know what he wants out of whatever it is we have. I wrote a flash fiction story about it, I might post it. Lyrics arose from the story, but these lyrics might be too complex for the technopoppish style of the music I wrote. (I finally figured out how to use the vocoder, what do you expect to happen?)
There is this other boy that seems to want to court me traditionally. He even took me to meet his entire family at his grandfather's 98th birthday party. While boy one is sweet in his own right, I could spend days and days with this one without growing tired of his company---without those awkward silences that leave me wondering.
I don't think I really need to choose at this point, but I warned boy one about boy two. And that if he doesn't make up his mind, I refuse to hold out any longer. That'll be a shame if he decides to end our 8 month, commitment-free tryst. As Kiely William says, the sex was spectaclarrrr. (Disney is going to fire her, lol)
I also think I'm going to cancel my MGF account. I get very few hits, which is a bit of a blow to my ego as my roomie simultaneously raked in the dough. Also, it doesn't really feel right. I don't mind posing nude generally, but that particular site just makes me feel cheap, tawdry, and largely unattractive. I guess it doesn't help that my ex found my page and has been pestering me about pics ever since. Maybe if I get some less unsavory benefactors, I'll keep it up. But I highly doubt that.
There's this boy, that when we kiss, it feels like a licking the charged end of a 9volt battery. He doesn't know what he wants out of whatever it is we have. I wrote a flash fiction story about it, I might post it. Lyrics arose from the story, but these lyrics might be too complex for the technopoppish style of the music I wrote. (I finally figured out how to use the vocoder, what do you expect to happen?)
There is this other boy that seems to want to court me traditionally. He even took me to meet his entire family at his grandfather's 98th birthday party. While boy one is sweet in his own right, I could spend days and days with this one without growing tired of his company---without those awkward silences that leave me wondering.
I don't think I really need to choose at this point, but I warned boy one about boy two. And that if he doesn't make up his mind, I refuse to hold out any longer. That'll be a shame if he decides to end our 8 month, commitment-free tryst. As Kiely William says, the sex was spectaclarrrr. (Disney is going to fire her, lol)
I also think I'm going to cancel my MGF account. I get very few hits, which is a bit of a blow to my ego as my roomie simultaneously raked in the dough. Also, it doesn't really feel right. I don't mind posing nude generally, but that particular site just makes me feel cheap, tawdry, and largely unattractive. I guess it doesn't help that my ex found my page and has been pestering me about pics ever since. Maybe if I get some less unsavory benefactors, I'll keep it up. But I highly doubt that.
There's an adorable boy in my bed. Asleep, face down in the disheveled sheets, fingers curled lightly around the fabric of my pillow case.
Yet I am here, awake.
WTF.
Go go gadget insomnia.
Yet I am here, awake.
WTF.
Go go gadget insomnia.
