You're still young and have got plenty of time to have kids. You shouldn't worry about your friends being married, what's important is you and your happiness

the irony of not being in control of wanting to be in control.

And ignore the clock...do what you need to do.

Relax you have a good 20 years before you start to panic.

Please take this advice: DON'T DATE FOR 2 YEARS. It will be the best thing you ever do. After you do this you will no longer feel the need to be in control or insecure. You will grow as a person beyond anything you could imagine. I know, I did this and I didn't believe my therapist when he suggested if either but it made a great difference in my life and my relationships.

I can't look away from it, it's like a trainwreck

Good for you. It looks like your are healing day by day.

And the only time wasted during life, is time spent not living. If you just sat around and did nothing with your life, then that would be wasteful. Grow, learn, teach, change.... that is what life is for. Do it all!

I don't think it is ironic that you want to be controled sexually either. It is something you don't experience in your life that often, it is change from you. I think when it comes to sex you just want to lose control and just enjoy it. But what the hell am I talking for....

Lastly.... aren't girl crushes awesome.

Have a great day!

hi. just thought I'd say hi, cuz I noticed your name is startlingly similar to my best friend, ladyk.

Hi.

Your poor computer isn't performaning as expected now?

If you want to get together sometime and I'll look at it that's fine by me. But in the mean time you can do a few things.

Run Windows update
Run a anti spyware prog I recomend running more that one. I use Windows Defender and Ad Aware
The run AVG anti virus

All those are proggies are free and very good at cleaning up your system from bad internet things. Once you have a nice clean system you'll be able to troubleshoot more effectivly.

Right click on teh My COmputer icon > select properties > Select the Hardware > tab > click teh device manger Button > Check the section DVD/CD-ROM Drive for any yellow ! or red X icons.

If you see either you can right click on it tthen select update driver or double click to open teh properties dialog and see if you can uninstall the driver and let windows try to rediscover it.

If you find you have lots of spyware and or viruses I would recommend ditching Internet explorer for FireFoxIt 's much more secure and imo faster.

It's humbling reading your forthright and candid journal, in an ideal world perhaps I could offer something witty or useful to say that would be of value or even perhaps inspire.

I don't feel that it's my place to comment, partially out of my stuff, but mainly because despite your doubts and battling your demons, you work through them and move on, always growing as a person and learning.

It's quite an experience and honour to be allowed into your world, so thank you for sharing what it's like to be you.

so how did you fix mr. puter?