Fuck you, you fucking piece of shit.

I seriously cannot believe that a person could be that selfish and that fucking heartless. It is uncomprehensible to me. Holy Fuck! I some how actually made concessions for the fact that you left me for a whole day with too many drugs in me, for the fact that you claimed we were on the phone together the whole time, but still would it have not made sense for you to come up whilst on the phone?

Talking to you, is fucking impossible, because you truly have no conscious. Every one has said you are the devil and they are right. How could you treat a person like such shit? Like such dirt? How could you then call them trash? How could they tell you that they are at their most vulnerable and you just complain that they let you down all the time?

And your friends consensus is that I bring you down? Are you fucking kidding me? I am probably the best thing you have in your life.

Holy fuck. I just truly cannot believe how someone could be so cruel. I truly do not. The cruelness is just crushing. I don't know how that fucked up brain of yours works, but how could you never ever want to comfort someone?

I will admit I am crushed, but I hope this will be enough for to never ever look back. I am almost baffled. I am totally in shock for your lack of any emotion. And like I said to try to explain to you how I feel is like talking to a brick wall. I swear to god you don't hear anything.

It hurts like hell that you can't think of me at all. That you can't even try to see things from my point of view. That you are so fucking caught up in your own shit that you can't even for a minute think of someone else.

Why would i even want a friend like that? I have to believe that any other friend would be there in a heartbeat. If your friend fell ill wouldn't you be there?

And just falling ill is not what we are talking about here. We are talking about major shit and you are just not there.

I hope I don't turn that phone back on to get your call. I hope I don't call you. I just keep banging my head against that wall.....what the fuck do I think will change?

Will I ever fucking knock some sense into my head? I can see now why I wanted to die before, 1. Because I can't believe how fucking addicted to something I am that I keep trying, 2. Because I can't believe the hearlessness 3. Because you actually make me feel like complete shit, like nothing.

And this time I can't believe I fucking let you do it again I was doing so well. What the fuck happened? How can you turn on me so fast.

Dear Lord. Please give me strength. Please don't let me fucking get weak. And when I do get weak please just don't let me fall.

At least I cried today. How the fuck can you bring me to tears so much? It is because I can't believe how little I mean to you. To you I am not even human. My feelings, my emotions are annoyances and I am told to feel like my feelings are wrong.

And then to blame all of this on me? You told me that you and she were not together you Fucker.
Fuck you!
Fuck you!
Fuck you!
Fuck you!
Fuck you!
Fuck you!

Fuck.........
I have to fucking start to fucking think I am worth more than this. I have to....I have to believe it.

I have to fucking get it through my skull that I don't deserve to be treated like dirt. Fuck.
I don't know who I am more pissed at you or me.